DH is so disorganized and it drives me crazy!

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 32
7676 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

younikkitome :  my sincerest apologies. I didn’t realize you were one of those Bees that gives partial information and then is upset when people give advice and opinions based on the limited information we have. Good luck with your problem! 

Post # 34
2937 posts
Sugar bee


You seem to be rather upset at people’s comments.

Of course, if your husband is responsible in all other areas and he had some sort of ADD then this is a single issue rather than a symptom of a wider problem such as lack of respect and lack of responsibility. Also, if he really has ADD he may not be able to control the disorganisation easily, and the problem is medical or physiological rather than deliberate.

You could buy storage boxes and have an “everything in its place” rule. I find that, as a disorganised person, I am more likely to put things away if they are easy to put away. As an interior designer you should be able to source elegant and useful storage solutions, no problem.

There are a couple of questions that I’d like to ask you:

1. If you manage to improve the one fault you feel that your husband possesses which fault of your own do you intend to improve to the same extent? (From your recent angry responses I’m guessing that it might be a deficit in the sense-of-humour department.) 

2. If you don’t manage to improve the one fault you feel that your husband possesses do you plan to spend the rest of your life nagging him?

Post # 35
2402 posts
Buzzing bee

I dated someone like your husband once.  We broke up becauzse I refused to sign up for a lifetime of being their personal mommy/organizer and doing all the emotional and physical labor involved with that.  And because shit like “uhoh, I threw away the parking ticket and now owe $400 in late fees/got my car towed” was really stressful to me.  It was very hard for me to see it as anything other than a willful abdication of adult responsibility. 

I mean, it’s not that hard when you get a parking ticket to make sure you either pay it when you get home or put it someplace safe until you can pay it.  But throwing it away/losing it (which is similar, in my mind, to continually ordering new credit cards and drivers licenses because one refused to carry a wallet or money clip) is not cute.  It’s childish.

Also… I’d be worried about potential identify theft or the bank flagging your accounts for fraud if that behavior continues.  I mean, presumably after a certain number of phone calls to report lost credit cards within a timeframe, they get suspicious? 

On a less speicific note..  when yopu live with someone who is this disorganized and cluttered, yes, it spills over and affects everyone else in the household.  It can be as simple as “I’d like to make dinner right now but I can’t because you trashed the kitchen at lunchtime and didn’t clean up/you borrowed the bowl of my mixer to hold the screws and parts from your project in the garage”.   Or on a more epensive level… one of the women who reports to me has a husband like this.  They missed the flights for their last family vacation (to Europe) because he left his packing to the last minute (as in he started packing 10 minutes before they had to leave the house) and then he couldn’t find his passport.  He expected her to know where his passport was and to keep track of it!

Post # 37
9619 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I would insist on him having a wallet. It sounds like a ridiculous point of stubbornness not to. And he’s not just losing trivial things. Losing your ID and credit cards is a great step toward having your identity stolen. This is an easy fix that doesn’t really have anything to do with organization or being possibly ADD he just needs to buy a wallet.

As for everything else, he should absolutely see if there is a diagnosis behind his disorganization. This needs to be priority number one so that both you and he know how he can work at getting better. Maybe he needs medication, maybe he needs to learn specific coping mechanisms/behaviors that neither of you have considered.

And yes, there is a tendency to jump to leave your spouse on this board. Just remember no one here knows you or your husband. Don’t take thier opinions personally 🙂 

Post # 38
7850 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

younikkitome :  I have to agree that the comments on this thread are kind of hilarious. On the one hand you have people telling you to stop micromanaging your poor husband who’s just trying to live his life, and that you should love him for who he is! While on the other you have people saying you should leave him because he’s a hopeless manchild. Ah, weddingbee.

I don’t really have any tips on how to help him get more organized, because my husband is exactly the same. Sometimes he’ll go on a cleaning binge and make it a point to get all his shit organized, but he always slips back into his old ways eventually. It is tres frustrating.

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