Post # 166
is_a_belle : I mean, I get it… kind of, but this is a stressful time for both of you. Has he made you feel supported and appreciated during this hard time? Why do men turn into such asshole baby whiney pants when they get stressed and then say “Sorry, I was stressed and didn’t handle that well.” And then think everything should be okay?
Post # 167
majorairhead : Thsnk you for all of your comments in particular.
Darling Husband has shown a pattern of similar but less concerning behavior in the past. We average one big blow up every 3-5 years over things that have been bothering him for a long time, always when there are a lot of outside factors adding stress. Both of us have poor stress-management skills that need addressing.
He was raised by two incredibly self-absorbed parents who, especially in their interactions with their granddaughter, have given me a lot of insight into why Darling Husband struggles with processing negative emotions, and the cycles of bottling up and exploding are usually very long, so I used to give him a pass and tried to sense when he wasn’t quite acting normal to nip the problem in the bud. Being a new mom had my focus elsewhere, so I didn’t see this one coming.
There were so many inappropriate behaviors during this particular incident that I refuse to let it go anymore. We already communicated productively about the BF thing when I was calmer to make sure his feelings were acknowledged and made sure he understood why I had strong feelings about it too. We will still get counseling because we both need help with stress management and this sort of outburst cannot happen again when Dear Daughter is old enough to remember it.
Post # 168
hopefulfuturemrs : True that! And they call us the emotional ones!
Post # 169
is_a_belle : My Darling Husband had similar experience growing up and similar behaviors. Definitely get a handle on it now because you do not want your kids to learn from him and mimic these poor emotional management skills. There is a book on the market called Emotional Intelligence 2.0. It is an excellent read and very eye-opening for those who did not develop a natural ability for self-soothing and need help sorting out how they are feeling in any given situation. The fact is some people understand themselves very well and others have trouble interpereting their own emotions at any especially during stress and end up avoiding dealing until they explode (Amygdala Hyjack). The good news is these skills can be learned at any time in life. Counseling for the two of you would be an excellent idea and if he really struggles with these kinds of issues he may consider something called DBT (dialectical behavior therapy)
I wish you both the best!
Post # 170
hopefulfuturemrs : Yes, he’s gone above and beyond at supporting me to the best of his abilities. Dear Daughter is a high needs baby who would not take a bottle of pumped milk, let alone formula, so Darling Husband felt helpless and is only starting to feel confident about the care aspects of parenting. But he does most of the housework, has programmed a sophisticated home automation system for our mid-century modern home using Alexa and an iPad so I can use voice commands or simply walk into an area to adjust lighting, heating and cooling, and also to check local traffic conditions, weather, and who is at the door, and instead of all of your basic bro H’s who bought you a pretty but useless diamond whatever as your push present, mine surprised me a fancy Japanese toilet with two bidets so I wouldn’t need to fiddle with a peri bottle. And he’s emotionally supportive, listening to my mama drama and adding levity through humor, all the time.
Basically, he handles stress badly and cracked under the pressure of new parenthood, new homeownership, a toxic workplace situation, his terminally ill father, and three best friends dealing with infidelity from a partner, difficulty blending families, and an abusive spouse, respectively. I can’t say I’m a saint and that much better at it. As soon as Dear Daughter is fully weaned, I want back on my meds. Therapy will do us both some good.