(Closed) DH loves hanging with his SIL, normal?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
6298 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’m pretty close to my husband’s family, including his father. When we all get together, he and I usually end up having pretty intense conversations. (we’ve got similar interests in spiritual practices and I like hearing stories of his travels). I’ve also spent the weekend at his home with him and my son but without my husband. (He lives in the mountains and his home is a bit of a sanctuary and retreat for everyone to go visit.) When we got engaged, my Future Father-In-Law came and took me out to dinner to celebrate and say congrats. I also hang out with other in laws without my husband around. We’ve been together for a lot of years and I have my own relationships with them now.

In general, my husband is fine with me being close to his family, including his father, though I know it makes him a little uncomfortable sometimes because his father is a bit of a flirt (with pretty much everyone). But he usually just rolls his eyes and ignores it.

Post # 32
4250 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I get like this with my brothers in law (husband’s brothers) sometimes.  I love them to pieces…like brothers…and we get along swimmingly.  I see one of them fairly often as he lives with my in laws and has a 5 year old daughter.  The other I don’t see that often but when we’re together we shoot the shit and it’s fun.  My husband is quite introverted compared to the other two, and I play off of them.  That’s literally all it is.  Now it may be different in your case, however it’s also worthwhile to remember that if they have fun together and have similar interests that’s likely all it is.

I will also say my brothers in law and I had a fabulous time at our wedding.  Like, I danced like a crazy person with them because I was the bride and I didn’t give a flying f*** what anyone else thought haha.  One of them too was pretty drunk and he literally kept on coming up to me, draping his arm over me (he was pretty drunk haha), leaning on me and saying “ljm….have I told you recently that I love you?  I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!” and kissed me on the cheek.  It was hilarious, and totally platonic. 

Post # 33
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

From my experience… I have great chemistry with my Future Brother-In-Law. We have good banter and constantly make risque jokes around each other, and we have the same sense of humour and play off of each other. To the casual observer, it would probably look like we were into each other – his ex-wife in particular used to get really defensive and weird about him spending any time with me, I think part of the reason she hates me so much is because she thought I was stealing her man or something (she was an extremely insecure person). 

However, I also think he’s an idiot, and I despise his pathetic parenting (or lack of) of his daughter and the way he treats animals. And even though I think my Fiance is one of the most physically attractive men I’ve ever seen, Future Brother-In-Law is probably one of the least attractive… to the point where it’s hard to believe that they are actually full brothers. I know that Future Brother-In-Law has massive issues with the fact that I’m way more intelligent and educated than he is, too. All of these things could spiral into animosity, but sometimes it’s just easier to get along and be friendly to people, you know?

So, chemistry can be deceiving. I make nice with Future Brother-In-Law because it’s easier to have pleasant family relationships, not because he’s my ultimate bestie and I’m secretly in love with him. My Fiance has had drinks in restaurants with my sisters until I arrived and he’s lovely to them, but I guess I just feel more proud that we all put effort into enjoying being part of a family.. rather than being weird or distant or territorial.

I don’t think you’ve seen anything that is a complete red flag yet. Just keep an eye on it, but mentioning it to your partner or making a big deal over it will just make you look insecure and needy. Just drop it, be watchful, but try not to be paranoid. 

Post # 34
8555 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

goinganon08 :  

Probably nothing to worry about – BUT, if you , for no apparent reason , got  a bad feeling about it , I’d trust that feeling and keep a watching brief.

A strong bond over a shared set of interests  that you are not that invested in might lead to something . It might not, but , like I say,  I’d keep an eye on it .

Post # 35
12291 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I am a big believer in common sense boundaries and would not be okay with all the one on one dates, SIL or no SIL. People are human and with opportunity can come threats to a marriage that no one ever anticipated or planned. 

Post # 36
16 posts

A lot of these replies reek of insecurity.  So, your husband is supposed to engage in outdoor activities, which are generally more fun with someone,  by himself because you feel he shouldn’t go with your SIL?

I feel like something about her is threatening to you, because I’m sure if she were to exhibit some characteristcs/traits that you felt are generally undesirable to a man you wouldn’t care if he went with her or how long they’d been having a drink.

I’m not saying ignore your gut, if that’s what it is… but dont make something out of nothing. 

Post # 37
3169 posts
Sugar bee

OP it’s hard to comment based on your post but I remember a post remarkably similar a while back. If you’re the same person this has been going on for a long time. In the other post I don’t remember them being married yet and the SO and SIL were going, I think, hiking or biking or something without inviting the poster and there was a lot of chemistry at a dinner.

What I would say is if you’ve had a bad gut feeling for a long time, since before you were married, and you still have it, the likelihood is there’s something awry. Trust your gut and get to the bottom of this 

Post # 39
1149 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Beegritte :  morningcoffee : I thought of that post immediately too, but I think it was a much younger gf of the Brother-In-Law, not married for 2 years wife of Brother-In-Law. I think this is a different post. (I hope, because that was a bad and awkward situation).

OP, I think maybe your husband really does enjoy spending time with your SIL, but you continue to see red flags and feel something is off, do not ignore it! I don’t think your husband overreacted with his response. I think I would have been really surprised and shocked if Darling Husband said something similar to me. However, if you continue feeling bad about it, I would broach it again, and he’s still having a bad reaction, then something is def off, like he has feelings for the SIL.  

Post # 40
913 posts
Busy bee

breatheandrelax :  There have been a rash of these types of posts lately with slightly different details.

OP, if you are having serious doubts about your SO’s attraction to/behavior with others outside of your relationship, and if you have felt the need to seek answers about this from us here (especially if it’s been repeatedly), I think you should listen to your gut. If something’s making you uncomfortable, it’s making you uncomfortable. 

Post # 41
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I don’t necessarily think anything more is going on. But personally I wouldn’t be okay with it. But that’s just how my husbands and I relationship works. We don’t allow each other to become to friendly with he opposites sex out of respect for each other.

Post # 42
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I’m like best friends with 3 brother-in-laws, so for me and Fiance hanging out seperatly with the boys is no problem. But it just depends on your relationship, and your boundaries. Everybody is different. To me, after marrying my sisters they have become my brothers, therefore they’re family now. 

Post # 43
562 posts
Busy bee

futuremrss17 :  The second I read this I thought of the other post. Definitely some biking and hiking. It was going on for a long time. I was to say the other person had recently broken up with a SO and that was also adding to it? I can’t find it anymore.

Post # 44
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

OP, please verify whether or not your husband takes ski trips alone with SIL. Thank you.

Post # 45
1253 posts
Bumble bee

goinganon08 :  

Truth is everybody has a different view on same sex friendships/interactions. My husband and myself don’t believe that you can simply be just friends wtih someone of the opposite sex and that works for us, without any issues it works for our marriage and that’s ok if nobody else agrees with that. However, with that being said you’re Darling Husband is friendly with his SIL. Which in my eyes is OK, but to the extent that you said….uh not so much. The only reason why I say this is because SIL or not she still a woman, spending extra time with your Darling Husband, and they have the same hobbies and I’m not saying anything WILL come of it, but that’s grounds for the beginning of an unintentional emotional affair to happen. Or even an innocent/or not so innocent crush to happen. I would keep an eye on it, see where it goes. If you are REALLY uncomfortable bring it up to you’re Darling Husband and see what he says? On that note has Brother-In-Law said anything?

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