(Closed) DH mad because life insurance split with mother?

posted 3 years ago in Finances
Post # 46
1592 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

queennen :  I would be bothered by this if it were me and my Fiance wanted to have his parents as 50/50 beneficiaries once we are married. I say this because if something were to happen to him, I would be stuck paying off the house we own together, his Harley, his two trucks, and his sports car, along with funeral expenses, medical bills, credit cards, etc. It makes me nervous at the moment, actually, because though we are not married yet, we have a joint bank account and I could be held liable for his loans if something were to happen. I also make about half as much as Fiance, so our situations are a little different. 

Post # 47
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m confused.  I’ve never heard of people putting their parents as beneficiaries.  Isn’t the idea that your parents are likely to die first, so you put your spouse or kids?  Or, when I was single, it was my sister and her kids.

I thought parents put kids as beneficiaries, not the other way around.

Post # 48
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

Olgarie :  Thanks for your comment… I have a few questions.  My work offers a life insurance benefit.  If I died while working here, would they not pay out? I would not expect them to maintain the insurance after I changed jobs.  My work pays the full premium.  Thanks!

Post # 49
9204 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013


leilarobs2 :  that’s not how it works.  your life insurance will cover your funeral costs, bills, etc.  then the rest of the money is divided to the beneficiaries.  the spouse would not have to pay these out of his income.

Post # 50
5882 posts
Bee Keeper

You anticipate helping to care for your mom in her senior years, assuming you’re around to do so- and want to leave her part of your life insurance to her just in case you’re not. Your husband should see this as the sweet caring gesture of a daughter that is, not be pouting because he begrudges your mom her half of the life insurance should you die young enough that she outlives you. 

Post # 51
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We don’t have kids. Mine is split 50/50 between my mom (& dad by proxy) and Darling Husband.  Before getting married, my mom was my sole beneficiary.  My mom has a retirement plan, but my dad does not as he’s self-employed and plans to “work till he dies”…I just left them up there with 50% to help them out in the event that I die first.  My Darling Husband doesn’t care that my mom would get 50%.  They have a great relationship & she’d take care of him if he needed anything.   


Post # 52
9818 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I could understand your Darling Husband being upset if your policy wasn’t very much and would still leave him with things that need to be paid (like mortgage, etc).  If the policy is enough that 50% sufficiently covers everything for your Darling Husband and the other is meant to go to your mother (assuming you anticipate having to spend $$ to care for her as she ages) I don’t think he should have a problem with it.  The point of life insurance is so that your dependents are cared for and/or your spouse can still pay the bills if your income is gone.  If your mom is (or will be) a dependent then I think it’s good to have her as part beneficiary. I do think you should have told him that was your plan though up front.

Mine goes 100% to my husband (as we have kids) and then as secondary I have my mother since I would give her the kids.  My Darling Husband didn’t think about the purpose of life insurance thoroughly enough and put me as 100% but then his brother as the secondary (who would not be getting the kids).  So I’ve told him he needs to update this to my mother ASAP.

Post # 53
391 posts
Helper bee

Be sure that in your state you can do this.  In my state, your spouse has to sign off if you have a primary beneficiary besides your spouse.  I’d talk to your husband perhaps he’ll start to understand why you need to do this.

Post # 54
2699 posts
Sugar bee

ajillity81 :  That’s actually not true. Life insurance proceeds are paid to the named beneficiary(ies). The end. That could be your spouse or your next door neighbor’s cousin’s friend. What they do with that money is completely up to them. Your ESTATE is a different matter. Funeral debt, bills, etc…are paid from the estate and the remainder of the proceeds are divided between the beneficiaries.

Post # 55
8112 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I flipped my lid when I found out Darling Husband didn’t change his work life insurance beneficiary to me (from his mom) after the wedding. Quite frankly if I need his permission to leave my 401(k) to anyone but him why can he leave his life insurance to anyone but me? 

Post # 56
1178 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I wouldn’t leave any to my parents, but that’s because they are financially independent and don’t need my money. I would split money between my spouse and my daughter (in a trust for when she turns a certain age).

Post # 57
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I would just ask why he feels uncomfortable splitting it.

But then again Mr Trilly wouldn’t have an issue iF I declared my life insurance was to be split between my parents, who aren’t well off, and a husband with no real debt or financial obligations beyond those to sustaining our lifestyle.

Post # 58
2019 posts
Buzzing bee

My husband and I both have life insurance with each other as the only beneficiary. If I died first and my parents needed help, my husband would help them just as we would have if I was alive. You don’t know in the future if you’ll buy a new house, cars, have medical debt due to illness, etc. since your husband would be left with those bills, I think it makes sense for him to have the insurance money to cover all of that. 

I don’t think it’s wrong to list a parent, it’s just not how I’m doing it. I think communication is key. 

Post # 59
834 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm

poppy77 :  If you die while still working there with the policy in effect then yes, it will pay out to your designated benificiaries with little to no issue.

I just personally never give these policies much stock. People use them as an excuse to never buy Life Insurance on their own because they are “covered”. Well you may be for the moment but when you stop working at say 65 you aren’t goin got be able to afford a personal Life Policy. These should be bought when you are young.

Post # 60
767 posts
Busy bee

queennen :  not exactly- I listed my husband and brother in law on a policy. Reason I did so, was with the idea that my Brother in Laws portion would go to his daughters benefit in some way. I don’t think you did anything wrong, but that woujld be something that a lot of people have maybe not heard of. My husband is listed as 75%, and Brother-In-Law was listed as 25%, so it’s not like a was listing my husband as getting the lesser of the amount.

My husband was irritated when he heard about it too, but once I explained and he thought about it, he agreed. All worked out.

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