(Closed) DH might quit his job very soon :(

posted 6 years ago in Career
Post # 3
Member
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Did you tell him that not contacting that person makes you look bad?

Regarding the job hunt you CAN do anything you want to do, how is it that single mothers can look for new jobs while theyre employed and raising kids with no help? 

It seems that your Fiance doesnt want to look for a new job, not that he can’t.  Sounds like he needs some motivation.

Post # 4
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I can’t tell you what to do, but if this was my husband, this would 100 percent guaranteed not be a freakin’ option.

Life is not perfect.  I have suffered through jobs I HATED waiting to get a new job.  But you need a paycheck.  And adults cannot just take 3-6 month vacations, especially in this economy, and then just “start” to look for a job. 

He definitely needs some motivation…a serious kick in the butt. 

Post # 6
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@hotchildinthecity:  This.  Unless you can afford it, which it doesn’t sound like you can.  Not good.

Post # 8
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@kay01:  We would be uncomfortable living on one income and need to cut out all retirement savings etc., but it would be possible to do so for a time.  But, that doesn’t mean I want to delay retirement, skip having kids, and support us indefinitely on my salary (while he complains about us not having enough money).


Exactly.  Maybe I’m being harsh, but your husband can’t have his cake and eat it too.  If he wants the lifestyle he wants, then he has to work, period.  And get his motivation up.  I mean, I feel his pain.  I have worked since my teenage years, worked all through college, had crappy jobs after college as I went to graduate school, worked a job I didn’t like so that my husband could advance his career, etc.  7 years post-undergrad, I’m actually at a job I like.  And it IS stressful!  LoL.

But you can compromise the things you both want for your lives so that he can just take several months off.

Post # 9
Member
46329 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it would be childish and immature for him to quit his job before he has something else lined up.

Yes, you have savings and could survive, but those savings were not earmarked for him to sit around on his duff and feel sorry for himself.

Funding 6 months of self reflection would be a huge expense- the amount of six months lost wages. We certainly would have to agree on how to spend that amount of money.

If my SO tried to pull a stunt like that, I would tell him that we need to have mutual agreement to spend that kind of money, and he doesn’t have my support.

Post # 11
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

It sounds like maybe you aren’t voicing your concerns strongly enough to him (or at all? It’s hard to tell from your post). If he knows he is jeopardizing kids that he has agreed to have, and knows how you feel about him quitting, and knows that you are not ok with rolling through your savings to take time off, i’d honestly question the relationship if he still went ahead and impulsively did it.

I think you need to talk to him again, firmly – and fast.

Post # 12
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@kay01:  Wow… I’m not one to say people need therapy on every thread but something about him feeling extreme stress from “basic” things like work, seeing friends and potentially having children makes me wonder if he’s maybe a little depressed or something?  Regardless, if he really is just feeling burnt out a couple sessions would be much cheaper than quitting his job. Does he have any leave available?  Maybe even just a couple weeks off could take the edge off?   Dh and I both work a lot of hours in a very stressful field and honestly I didn’t even realize how stressed we were until we got to vacation last month and felt what it was like to not be stressed. 

Post # 13
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Just rethinking this.

You said he has two ivy league degrees. I assume that means he probably has a fairly high stress job? Has he ever taken a breather between the degrees and getting a job?

I ask because I rolled through undergrad right to my PhD at a high stress place (MIT) and straight to a high profile job and was so burnt out that I literally needed the time off. Is it possible he is in the same situation. Under “normal” circumstances, what you’re describing would be really uncool, but if there’s more to it – like emotional/mental burnout after years of going too hard/fast….a break might be justified, if you can swing it. My husband and I actually did an 8 month travel adventure as our break. My husband was able to take a leave of absence, and it took me 2 weeks – TWO WEEKS – to get another job upon return.

Just a thought…

Post # 14
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@kay01:  That is still not what the savings was intended for.  He needs to get real.  

And, he needs to follow up with your contact out of respect to you.

Post # 15
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@kay01:  That is still not what the savings was intended for.  He needs to get real.  

 

And, he needs to follow up with your contact out of respect to you.

Post # 16
Member
6745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I have always told my Fiance that I would support him in his decisions 100% and never say no to him.  However, this is VERY selfish of your Darling Husband to consider.  He’s going to take a 3-6 month vacation while you slave away at your job so that he can find himself now after all these years?  NUH.  UH.  Not ok. 

If he doesn’t like his current job because it’s too stressful, he should find any job that would pay him any amount of money just so that he is doing something else and isn’t relying solely on your income.  How unfair is that?  He is perfectly CAPABLE of working, but doesn’t WANT to? So you have to work and support him until he figures out that he wants to start looking and by then who knows how long it will take him to find a job and how will he ever explain a 3-6 month vacation? 

If he wants to feel better about his job, tell him to contact me.  I will tell him about the job I had last year and how terribly stressful, exhausting and depressing it was.  My friends won’t even let me talk about it to them because they get stressed and upset just listening to the things I had to do and deal with.  Maybe then he’ll appreciate his job better.

And you know what?  I stuck that job out even though my Fiance kept telling me to quit because I refused to quit without having another job lined up and I refused to have him support him while I took a vacation b/c real life just slapped me in the face, hard. 

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