Post # 1
Hi bees. After talking about home buying for a while Darling Husband and I have finally gotten pre approved for a loan, found a house, and had an offer accepted. I’m excited about this next step, but in our previous two arguments Darling Husband has brought up something that could affect us for a while.
Since I have great credit and Darling Husband has not so great credit we decided to only use my credit and income to get a home loan. It’s something we talked about multiple times and I asked if he would be okay with only my name being on the loan and he agreed. In two recent arguments he brought up how he had nothing to do with us buying a home anyway since his credit was so bad and he isn’t on the loan. I’ve tried to be gentle with him and let him know that we wouldn’t be able to buy the home without the money we have both worked very hard for. And that it’s even going to enable us to save money more easily since only my income was taken into the pre approval amount. If is income was considered we could have qualified for a much more expensive house, but would have had a larger down payment and larger mortgage payments. I know he understands that and we are both excited about moving, but since we have only been pre-approved for a two weeks and the subject has come up twice already in arguments I don’t want it to be an issue. I don’t want Darling Husband to resent the home we buy simply because his name wasn’t put on the loan. But I also want him to understand that this is such a great opportunity for us, a home we really loved when we saw it, and will be a good place to start a family.
And while I want to take his feelings into consideration since I know it’s been hard for him feeling like I’m able to do it without him, the reason he isn’t on the loan himself is partially due to circumstances that he got himself into in younger years. Maybe he’s expressing his dissatisfaction with choices he made in a way that comes off as anger towards me since my mother had me start building credit at age 18 (will be 25 this year).
I don’t want to spend years in a house and have to listen to him telling me it’s my house because he couldn’t get on the loan or whatever else the whole time because he hasn’t come to terms with it. What do you bees think? Anyone have ideas on how I can be sensitive towards DH’s feelings while being realistic about this being such a great opportunity? I would also like to point out that he has been included in everything on this, since this will be OUR home I have included him in every email with the realtor and shown him every piece of paperwork that has been sent to me. I know I can’t do it without him. How do I make him see that?
Post # 2
Purchase the home then have his name placed on the deed and it will belong to BOTH of you. Explain to him that being on the loan alone means that you’re responsible for a 6-figure debt. Why is he so pressed to share that?? LOL! If (God forbid) something goes south down the road and you lose the home, it will ruin YOUR credit, not his and his should be restored by then. This way you guys will always have someone with decent credit to keep you afloat. Win-win. Men and their fragile egos…I tell ya!
Post # 3
leilarobs2 : LOL great idea! I will say he may have a touch of a pride issue here. I’m taking on not only the home debt, but also my student student loans! He didn’t go to school so he doesn’t have debt to take care of… just needs to up the credit and he’d be golden!
Thanks for the advice!
Post # 4
My Darling Husband isn’t on our loan either. We wanted to keep the house we were living in that he owned before me to rent out, so it would have been hard for him to be approved for another mortage, especially since he was self-employeed at the time. It has been 5 years, and I honestly don’t think he even realizes the difference. His name is on the deed though.
Post # 5
mallorinicole : My guy just purchased us a home and he is the only one on the mortgage, but we’re both on the title. I went to the closing, I had to sign a bunch of papers… it’s our house, not his.
Just put your Darling Husband on the title 🙂
Post # 6
mallorinicole : I bought our house before we were married or even engaged. We had been living together in a rental already and so this house was always our home since we moved together. He helped pick the property, but i paid the entire downpayment and according to the registry and the bank I’m the only legal owner. It really doesn’t matter since we both know this is our home.
Post # 7
Darling Husband isn’t on my mortgage or deed because i bought the house when we were newly dating. he doesn’t have an issue with this.
but finances aside, he doesn’t have to be on the mortgage, but you can put his name on the deed.
Post # 8
Hope you can work it all out =)
Post # 9
Kitty79 : i agree. I had a co-worker who did this and when things got rough it definitely backfired on her. She ended up having to move out to protect her sanity because she legally couldn’t kick him out… yet she’s the only one on the hook for the mortgage (and the fallout) while he got to live gleefully in “his” house rent free for a year until foreclosure.
You kind of just need to tell Darling Husband to suck it up. Yes, it sucks… But at the same time he needs to grow up and understand that it’s because of how HE managed his credit and at the end of the day a home is what you make it…. Not who’s responsible to pay it.
Talk to him about both of you refinancing in a few years when his credit is better
Post # 10
I’d be wary of putting H on the deed but not on the mortgage. My understanding is that then you both jointly own the home, but you are the only one on the hook for the payments if something were to happen. Personally I’d suggest that he work hard to rebuild his credit and you look toward refinancing in a year or two.
Post # 11
Kitty79 : +1.
It’s all great and lovely and “ours”… until it’s not. I would not open myself to be completely financially screwed like that by taking on the mortgage myself and putting him on the deed unless I had a prenup or legal agreement stating that if we were to split, the house would not get split 50/50 and he would only get 50% of what has been paid off.
Would your rate be higher if he were on the loan too? Cuase if not, then this could be a good way to raise his credit score too. Just cause you would use his income and be approved for more, doesnt mean you HAVE to spend more.
Post # 12
pinkshoes : mrstopaz : Thank you both, I got nervous that my post would upset people so I changed it. But I totally agree with you both and what I said, I guess I’m just feeling extra wimpy today, LOL, Thanks ladies!!
Post # 13
Thanks everyone! I didn’t realize so many people did the same thing we are doing! I keep telling him this isn’t me doing it alone since he is “gifting” me some of his savings for our down payment and closing costs (we don’t share a bank account). I think he will come around. He even mentioned today that he was being a “b*tch” about it yesterday. We close on April 13… which just so happens to be his birthday!