- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
I feel like DH resents the fact that both my parents are still alive. His dad died almost 2 1/2 years ago, and, while hs mom is still alive and he has a great relationship with her, his dad was his best friend. I get taht he loved hs dad and that he’ll always miss him, but it irritates me the way he throws it in my face sometimes as an excuse for why we always see his mom and his brother and sister-in-law and nephews, but hardly ever see my parents.
A couple of days ago, my dad called me to ask if DH could help him take some furniture to an auction. DH agreed to help, but later on, after he found out that they would have to make two trips, which would be a total of three hours in the truck (it’s 45 minutes each way) with my dad, he made it clear he wasn’t happy about being in the truck for a total of 3 hours. I told him that the truck was very comfy and roomy, but he said that wasn’t the issue. I then asked him what he had against spending three hours alone with my dad (this will be the first time they’ve spent any time alone, btw). He said, “Because I want to spend three hours alone with my dad. Can you make that happen?”
I was hurt, to say the least. This isn’t the first time he’s made a comment like this when we’ve planned to spend time with my parents. He never complains directly about spending time with them; rather, he comes up with some excuse for why he doesn’t want to spend that much time away from home, such as he has a ton of school work to do, or he planned to do something. We make plans with my parents well in advance. I do this on purpose so he can plan ahead with his school work and anything else, but he still finds a reason to complain.
We spent every Sunday and every holiday except for this past 4th of July with his mom while we were dating and engaged. every Sunday afternoon, we’d go over to her house and eat lunch and spend at least an hour with her. As a couple, we’ve only spent time with my parents three times. We’ve been together for over a year and a half. Part of that time, I wasn’t speaking to my parents because of some issues, but those issues got worked out over six months ago.
I’ve never complained about seeing DH’s mom every single week, even though she and I don’t get along the greatest. Yet it seems like anytime we have anything planned to do with my parents, he does nothing but complain. Anytime i say anything about it to him, he always brings up the fact that his dad is dead, and he’d like to spend time with his dad.
My parents are moving eight hours away in a month. I want us to spend time with them before they move, especially considering I won’t see them again until at least Christmas, and that’s not even gauranteed. I get that his dad is dead and that DH would love to spend time with him. But I can’t help that. it’s not my fault that his dad is dead, and I can’t do anything to change that he’s dead. In my mind, that’s even more of a rason to spend time with my parents, because they’re still alive and you never know when someone you love is going to die.
Have any of you dealt with this before? Do you have any advice? Anytime I try to talk about it with him, he gets mad and brings up his dead father again and teh fact that his mom is a widow. I’m so hurt right now.