Post # 1
My Darling Husband loves me and loves that I want to help people. I think he is becoming frustrated with it.
Currently Im helping a military spouse try to get some support for her daughter from her husband who abandoned her, she is filling out the paperwork now. Then off to Army Community Services so we can get the little girl some clothes and shoes and clothes and shoes for her brother as well.
Im working on family therapy with my SD, and our family because she has issues,
Im also helping out a family who has a new baby. The mother has severe post partum depression and doesnt want the baby. I take the baby some days a week so mom can get a break and also because Dad has to work and doesnt have any family or support system.
Now Im taking clothing donations and monetary donations for the families in West Texas, the plant is about 30 miles from here. We are collecting today and tomorrow and then driving it with the Red Cross to West. The monetary donations will be for the funerals of those who died and medical bills for those injured.
Darling Husband told me this morning that he loves that I want to help people, that Im very tenderhearted, but he thinks I might be overdoing it and should try to limit how much help I give because he doesnt want it to take away from our kids time. I include the kids.
This conversation happened after I got a call from Family Readiness Group for our unit asking me to help them out, and to possibly be part of their group to assist families in the unit.
Is Darling Husband right that Im overdoing it? I just hate to see people suffer and I guess I feel like if I dont help then Im compounding the problem. I know if I was in these situations I would want someone to help me.
Post # 3
@TexasSpringBride: Provided you feel like you are living a balanced life, and like your Darling Husband said that your own family isn’t suffering at the expense of your charity work, I don’t see a problem with it. I always say, take care of your own backyard first.
Post # 4
I am the same way. DH is always telling me that he loves me because I am always trying to help people out. Then he scolds me for giving homeless people money. 🙂
If you feel like you cannot say no when people ask for help, even if it will negatively affect you, then that is definitely a problem. But I think as long as you have time and energy for your own life, family, and friends, then it’s okay. 🙂
Post # 5
@TexasSpringBride: You know, I can kind of see his argument…I read all of the amazing things you’re doing for all of those people, but I didn’t see a single thing you’re doing for yourself. And you just aren’t going to be any good to anyone if you fall apart, so while I applaud your generous nature and kindness, point some of it at yourself more often, you’ve certainly earned it.
Post # 6
You sound like a wonderful friend and community member! It does seem like you’re getting pulled in a LOT of directions though. Maybe your compromise could be to not take on any new projects for a while – just finish up the ones you have, and when those come to an end, take a break.
I’m curious about your SD having read that thread – how is she doing?
Post # 7
While I think what you are doing is great, I think your Darling Husband also has a point. While it is wonderful to help other people, you and your family still have to come first. Having seen your other posts, I don’t think you’d ever allow your family time to suffer but it seems like you may not be getting enough time just for you. Time to relax, time to do something nice for yourself. That is also really important.
Post # 8
@oneofthesethings: One day at a time with her. Her first therapy session is Monday with the new doctors. We are hoping it goes well.
@Nona99: My Darling Husband is military so he is gone alot. I think I started taking on the projects when we was away to keep my mind occupied. Now that I have done so I cant just drop them. Also Darling Husband who I love dearly isnt really a talker and when he comes home from work he just likes to chill out and I on the other hand have an abundance of energy.
@Mrs.KMM: If I do things for myself I feel guilty about it. I feel Im being selfish, when there are others out there who dont have the luxury that I have. If I get my nails done then I worry that I could have used the money to provide a meal to the local shelter, I know its silly but I do feel guilty.
Post # 9
@TexasSpringBride: That’s the problem though! You shouldn’t feel guilty because, for your own sanity and mental health, you NEED to take time for yourself. It is just as important (if not more so) than the help you provide to others.