- 1 year ago
- Wedding: City, State
Bee, here’s what you’re not getting. Yes, you have to tell him what you want. And with specificity. People can’t crack your code. Men typically have a harder time reading non verbal cues and picking up on subtext.
You’re telling him: yeah, go ahead. You really mean: go ahead stupid asshole. I’ll just carry on with poopy diapers because my illness clearly DOESN’T MATTER. Hopefully, I’ll still be alive to make dinner.
You’re poisoning your own well, Bee.
Many men are more inclined towards acts of service than they are towards prattling a lot of mushy stuff. And there is no feeling on earth a man likes more than feeling appreciated.
But, you are so locked into your pattern that if your husband came to you with the million he won in the lottery and gifted you with your dream car, you would get on him for cussing at you last Tuesday.
I know you don’t like the idea that you have to tell him what you want. You want him to just know. On some planets, in some galaxies, it probably works just that way. But for now, as an earthling, you would do well to stop fighting the idea that you have to step up and say what you need. That’s just Real Life. You’re setting up brawl after brawl. You get something into your head that you want from your husband, who is completely clueless. So, of course, you don’t get what it was that you wanted and you are livid: That asshole! Can’t he even change a diaper? I shouldn’t be doing this, I’m sick.
And, just like that, the gloves are off.
On the topic of your husband not being sympathetic/nurturing/concerned/helpful, or whatever you wanted him to be—it’s not really clear; be aware that not everyone does sick the same way. Some people need to take to their beds and be doted on. Others just want to be left the hell alone until they feel human again. Sometimes, it changes by the hour. And somehow, your husband is supposed to employ telepathy?
Again, I am not defending your husband. He sounds dreadful. But you two are locked a toxic cycle that will just continue growing. You’ll ultimately find yourselves resigned to a marriage full of affairs and abuse. That’s where you two are heading.
And also again, this not a problem you can fix by yourselves. You really need a therapist to help you and get that crazy cycle disrupted.
It’s great that you’re reading and recognize your unhealthy behaviors. It’s a place to start. What will you do next? Tomorrow?