Post # 1
DH’s sister is getting married in a few months and is planning for the wedding to take place in a foreign country. The wedding will take place when I’m 36 months pregnant with our third child, and I’m not comfortable making a laung haul flight journey that far into pregnancy. SIL knew we were expecting a baby in advance of finding her venue or setting her date, and Darling Husband explained to her in advance the limitations of pregnancy (he would have loved for all of us to go and support her on her wedding day as a family, and he was hoping she would want that too, but we’ve accepted the fact that she has other priorities). Now our delimma is whether Darling Husband should go alone and leave me at home with our other two small kiddies, or whether he should not attend since I’ll be so far along.
What’s not making it easy is that Father-In-Law and Mother-In-Law are telling Darling Husband he should travel with them and do some special outings with his dad while in the foreign country, and be gone for at least a week to make the expensive ticket worth it. They are telling him to hurry up and buy his ticket. I remember how difficult it was in the final weeks of pregnancy with my other two children… and it is so difficult to care for toddlers without help under normal circumstnaces, let alone pregnancy, so I am feeling uneasy about Darling Husband going, but at the same time, I don’t want to be labelled the villain by Father-In-Law and Mother-In-Law and SIL if Darling Husband stays with me. Especially if I don’t go into early labour, based on my past experiences with them, I’m afraid it will cause family drama. My dread of family drama is so great that in some moments the thought of going into labour without Darling Husband there and having him sadly miss the birth would be preferable to living through the nightmare of DH’s family saying horrible things about me if he stayed with me and skipped the wedding.
Another piece of the picture is the fact that we are most likely going to move to a new house 3-4 months before baby is due, so if/when Darling Husband goes to the wedding, Ill be in a new town, about a 2 hour drive from our current friends and neighbours.
I know Darling Husband wants to see his sister get married and I can completely empathise with that, it’s an important once in a life time (hopefully!) event, so, fears about potential in-law drama aside, I think I should probably just suck it up and tell him to go — but not to be gone for an entire week, and to make some kind of compromise where he doesn’t tack extra days onto the tirp. My other children were born at term, so I’m hoping that’s a good indicator that that will happen again, although I know people who’ve been surprised by early labour and recognise that it can happen to anyone, so I have no doubt that Darling Husband and I would have to agree that there might be a risk and we’d have to have a plan for what I would do if labour does start early.
I realise I’ve rambled a bit here. All in all, what would you do if this were you? Would you tell Darling Husband to go ahead or decide that it would be too great a risk for him to be a long haul flight away that close to the birth?
Post # 2
Wow I had no idea this software would convert “DH” to Darling Husband. Entertaining. 😛
Post # 3
Is there anyone that can stay with you and help while your husband attends the wedding?
Post # 4
Can someone come stay with you? Mom or sibling? I would absolutely want my husband to go, but I think wanting some help for the week is totally acceptable. Even if you had a hired babysitter so you can do errands a bit easier.
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2018 - Location
How long is the flight? In just wondering how quickly he could get back to you if you were to go into labour early.
I get that you want to avoid drama but to me it sounds like it will be really difficult for you with two toddlers, a new house, and being in your third trimester…
Will you be at work during the day? It doesn’t sound like you will have anyone close by to help you out.
Post # 6
Side eying your Darling Husband a bit here, as he shouldn’t be leaving this on you. His sister made a choice that works for her family, now Darling Husband has to make the choice that works for his.
That means, with 2 young children and a pregnant wife in a new town, he stays home.
Post # 7
How long is the trip?? If it’s more than a couple days (likely, since it’s a foreign country), I wouldn’t be happy. What if the baby comes early? My sister had a completely complication-free, easy pregnancy – and then she suddenly went into labor and delivered the baby 5 weeks before her due date. Her husband had to go out of town for 4 days just a couple days after the birth, and it sucked. And they don’t have any other kids, either – that makes it so much riskier!
My fi is going to be gone for a weekend when I’m 36 weeks pregnant, but it’s literally just Saturday-Sunday, so NBD.
Post # 8
Yup, He needs to stay home. The last weeks of pregnancy can be really hard and early labor can happen to anyone. It happened to me at 36 weeks with no warning. You’re supposed to carry for 2 toddlers all by yourself when your Darling Husband is being a tourist and having fun with his dad? Absolutely not. And he needs to make it clear to his family, you’re not the bad guy here and he needs to have your back. Anything less is unacceptable.
Post # 9
The only way this would work for me was if I could stay with my parents or if a close friend, or my mom or someone I trusted could stay with me for the week to help me out. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to stay alone during that time with 2 young children.
Post # 10
If you have someone that can come help you for a few days, then I think your husband should absolutely go. It’s his sister. He should probably fly in the day before and out the day after, but I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect him to skip his sister’s wedding.
Post # 11
BalletParker : completely agree with this. He stays home! She knew in advance of the situation and made plans to the contrary, NO ONE should be angry if he stays with you, you could easily develop complications meaning you might even be bed bound with two children
Post # 12
I mean, they decided to set their date knowing well in advance you wouldn’t be able to attend and they shouldn’t be expecting him to leave his heavily pregnant wife with two small children to run around after. I’d be wanting him to stay home with me. It would be alright if you had someone who could come and stay with you during that time and he was only gone for the wedding but if there’s no alternative… I don’t think he should go.
Post # 13
Miss Mochaccino : Oh gosh, 36 weeks pregnant and alone with 2 small kiddos sounds awful. On top of that, I wouldn’t want him to go in case baby came early. (I have several friends that their 1st and 2nd kids came late but 3rd surprised them at 36/37 weeks). It does bite that it means missing his sister’s wedding.
Post # 14
Miss Mochaccino : Can he take the kids with him? Honestly, I would appreciate a kid-free week by myself. He and the tots can see family and have fun in a foriegn country while I prepare for #3 and enjoy some me time. Win-win. He should definitely get trip insurance though in case he needs to high-tail it back home early.
Post # 15
In our family, I bend over backwards to let D.H. spend time with his friends and family, and he’d do the same for me if I was close with my family and my friends lived closer by. So if this was me I’d tell him to go.
But. I am not in an unfamiliar town, I have neighbors I could call on in an emergency, I’ve never gone into labor early, my own family lives half an hour away, and D.H.’s family are not horrible types who would poison my peace of mind over a totally reasonable decision.
Also, if your husband were to go, who could you leave the kids with if you go into labor in the middle of the night?
In other words, I think he should stay home, or at most go for the day of the wedding and head back.