DH traveling when I'm 36 weeks pregnant – too risky… or perfectly reasonable?

posted 1 year ago in Babies
Post # 16
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’m all for being there for his family and supporting his sister but I just don’t think it’s fair on you to take that risk so close to your due date AND with 2 other children and moving to a new town. Would he honestly regret missing his sister’s wedding more than being there for you/baby should you happen to go in labour early? If the wedding was only a few hours drive then fine, but otherwise it’s a hard no. Frankly I’d be upset this was even being considered by him. Your husband needs to prioritise you over his sister and he needs to tell his family as such.

Post # 17
Member
4884 posts
Honey bee

I’m all for travel and letting the husband travel alone and vice versa. BUT this sounds like hell for you. What are you supposed to do if you go into early labor pack the kids in and drive them and yourself to the hospital?

I kind of feel like SIL planned it knowing ahead of time and if she actually expected your husband to go she should have planned it later or way earlier so he or both could go comfortably. Not leaving one in the lurch. 

So hard no with him leaving and going. He shouldn’t have put the decision on you either. WTH? 

If he insists on going he should take the kids with him at the very least. 

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  sweatergal007.
Post # 18
Member
7851 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I wouldn’t be comfortable with dh taking a big international trip that close to my due date. If it was domestic, sure – he could hop a plane home easily if you suddenly went into labor. But international is too much (unless we’re talking like USA to Canada or something). My husband will be taking a 12-day trip for work to the Middle East when I’m 30 weeks along, and even that makes me slightly nervous, but I’ve already made plans to be with my parents during that time so if god forbid something happened at least I wouldn’t be alone. Also, this is our first baby – so no small children for me to watch by myself while he’s gone.

What does your husband say about this? If he stays behind he needs to be the one managing his family. You should not be cast as the bad guy. The narrative would be “I’m not able to come because my wife’s due date is too close and I want to be there for her.”

Post # 20
Member
1807 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Daisy’s idea is my fav.  If he must go,  why can’t he takes the littles. They are his kids too and you’ll be 36 weeks along at that point,  so it seems insane that he would even consider leaving you alone in a new town with 2 toddlers while about to have a baby.  Weddings and siblings are important,  but his family(you and the kids) should be more important. If his sister really wanted you all there, she probably should have been more considerate with her wedding date. 

Post # 21
Member
713 posts
Busy bee

Why can’t he take 1 or both of the children? I can understand not wanting to take 2 small ones as 1 person on a long haul flight, but I don’t see why he can’t take 1 of them. That would alleviate some of your stress as well if you only had to care for one while he was gone. 

Post # 22
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 1993

That would be a hard no for me too. My husband has travelled to Nepal 3 times for over a month each time after my 3rd daughter was born. She was only a year old the first time he went. I wasn’t exactly happy with the timing because she was too little to understand why he was gone and that he was coming back. In her world, he was just gone. She was really close to him, so it was hard for her. She was around 3 the next time he went and that was much easier on her. He had to go because his mother was sick. Plus, he hadn’t been back in over 20 years. 

Anyway, my point is that I try to be as reasonable as possible and support my husband. But reasonable is the key word. Going on an international trip while your wife is 36 weeks pregnant is too risky for an optional trip. Both of my older girls were full term. My youngest had to be delivered at 34 weeks when it was discovered that she wasn’t growing and had almost no amniotic fluid. We already knew that she was small (IUGR) but the maternal fetal medicine specialist thought that she was just genetically small. He estimated that she was in the 10th percentile. She ended up weighing 2 lbs 15 oz at birth and was 0 percentile. She was in the NICU for 1 month. 

I agree that it sounds like your sil planned her wedding so that you couldn’t go. I would say she screwed herself out of having her brother there. Your husband needs to tell his family that he doesn’t feel comfortable leaving you. I know you can’t force his family to see that it is his choice, but he needs to at least present it to them as it is. If they get mad at you, well too bad. I would make sure they don’t get to play grandparents of the year with the new baby if they are directing any anger or bad feelings towards you. Good luck Bee. It sounds like you need it.

 

Post # 23
Member
1521 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

When I read the title I thought it would be a quick road trip and that wouldn’t be as concerning depending on the distance. But an international trip? What happens if you go into labour when he is away? What would be the plan?

Obviously, babies can come at any time. They have their own schedule. I’m side-eyeing anyone who would be upset with your husband staying with you.

ETA: This would make me really nervous and stressed out. I tend to be a worrier so I would just worry about every scenario the entire time. Add me to the list of those who gave birth early. My son arrived at 37 weeks.

Post # 24
Member
6877 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Miss Mochaccino :  This would be a hard no from me.  I would be very unhappy if my husband was going to travel at that far along.  My child came at 32 weeks so.. at 36 weeks you could go any time really, plus with 2 other small children that would be NOOOO  

Post # 25
Member
6092 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

It shouldn’t be on you to tell your husband not to leave town for a week when his wife is almost due with his third child and will be in a new town with little ones. Is he stupid? He shouldn’t even need to be told. In fact, HE should be insisting on staying home and if you were feeling okay, you should be the one insisting he go. But only then.

His sister picked her date and the date she picked doesn’t work for her brother. Therefore HIS SISTER decided it was fine for him to miss her wedding. Not you.

 ETA- I asked my husband what he would do in this scenario and I didn’t even get the entire question out before he interrupted and said “Would I leave you when you were 9 months pregnant? No.”

Post # 26
Member
97 posts
Worker bee

36 weeks seems like it’s pushing it for delivery date. 

I’m just on my first at 30 weeks and I get antsy when Darling Husband is out and about for a full day- ridiculous I know lol

Id want husband to stay home. This is his kid too. 

I can’t imagine being alone with 2 littles and a baby added to the mix. Even if there was help- like from mom- We made this baby together- dh should be there. 

Post # 27
Member
235 posts
Helper bee

Are your Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law so unreasonable that they wouldn’t understand why he needs to stay home?

Post # 28
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Um. Who is going to take care of your 2 toddlers while you’re giving birth if all family are out of town & no friends live near? 

Post # 29
Member
2153 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

No way. I’m surprised your Darling Husband is even considering going. Your SIL signed up for this by planning her wedding so that you couldn’t be there. If there’s any resulting drama, it should be ”what a shame SIL excluded her brother from attending her wedding.” I have 2 kids and really struggled during the last few weeks of pregnancy with baby Nr2. 

Post # 30
Member
843 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Miss Mochaccino :  I am shocked you are even in this situation. Once your sil picked her date your dh should have said “that is fine but as I said my wife will be 36 weeks pregnant so I wont be able to attend. ” Like others have said if it was a quick road trip that is one thing but internationally!! Not only would he risk leaving missing the birth of his child but who would take care of your two little ones it you go into labor? Especially bc it doesnt sound like you will have any near by to help you out!  I get you not wanting to upset your in laws on such an important day but your sil picked the date knowing full well of the situation so she made this decision. I agree with others your dh should be the one to put his foot down and say he cant go. Not you!!

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