DH Wants A Vasectomy….

posted 1 year ago in Married Life
Post # 2
752 posts
Busy bee

I totally get where you’re coming from, it’s a sense of finality for sure. Something hardwired in your brain panics and the logical side of you doesn’t understand it.

I dated a guy at 26 who had a vasectomy and I thought I was cfbc but I was truly on the fence so I cut him loose.

Obviously this is your husband who is almost double that age so it seems like the smartest decision just to be sure you don’t have any scares. 

Post # 3
209 posts
Helper bee

You DID make a choice. You chose a CFBC man, you chose to stay on birth control, you knew that you would have a choice if you had gotten a pregnancy scare. Ultimately, you could still have a baby now if you wanted, but it’s not what you want. I want you to feel empowered about this because you have had a lot more choice than most women.

I do understand how you are feeling, though. Life has a way of getting away from us sometimes. And a choice we made a long time ago can make us feel old when we realize that eventually the choice is less ours and more time’s.

Post # 4
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I get that you might have feelings to really shut the door, it’s a time to mourn the possibilities.  But… you don’t want kids “now or ever”.  Your husband’s concerns are 100% valid. And don’t you want a break from birth control? I would support him. 

Post # 5
1003 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I’m kinda the same as you feeling wise…

But I’m done having kids had my tubes cut and do not want anymore children. I feel so sad about this ..but why I don’t want to have anymore

I think it’s just that feeling that a big part of your life has closed.

Not sure what else to add but you know you’ve made the right choice it’s just a chapter ending an a new exciting one starting

Post # 6
2410 posts
Buzzing bee

By any chance were you ovulating or about to ovulate when this conversation happened?  I’m in my mid 40s, am CFBC, but I sometimes get a little broody right before I ovulate.  It passes in a few days, though. 

Post # 7
6437 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I agree that this is less the actual vasectomy or a question of having children (you’re clear on that), and more the idea that you are approaching 40. It is surprising sometimes how quickly time passes. I was shocked the other day at my own age, too. And sometimes making a decision – even one you are sure about – final is just difficult.

Post # 8
2644 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

WillowBee33 :  you’re lucky. I’m 36, my husband, is 48, I have no children of my own but 4 of his from previous relationships live with us and have completely drained me of any desire to have my own child. If I could push my uterus out like a poop I would.

Post # 9
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I get what you are feeling. I am totally CFBC and when my husband offered a vasectomy I was totally speechless. I found this very cute and considerate of him but I declined. I don’t even know why. I am on the pill anyways and I am not planing to get off it and a vasectomy would make accidents impossible but somehow I never told him to do it…. I have asked myself quite often why… can’t find the answer. 

Post # 10
420 posts
Helper bee

nykkee :  i have no input but my GOD this tickled me so good.

Post # 11
800 posts
Busy bee

I KNOW you said you never want children (and I respect that, I’m not trying to change your mind or tell you that you will change your mind) but does it feel any easier if I tell you I know several people who had their vasectomies reversed and managed to conceive? I’m not saying you will ever change your mind, nor do I expect you to but vasectomies aren’t closing the door and throwing away the key, the key can sometimes be found again! Does that ease you at all?

Post # 12
2298 posts
Buzzing bee

WillowBee33 :  why don’t you get him to freeze some of his supply if you’re very concerned about the finality of it all?

Post # 13
10660 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

WillowBee33 :  

My Dh had a vasectomy before we ever met, after his second was born.  That was it for him.  He had no wish to go through childhood again with anybody.  I am absolutely, unambiguously, no regrets CFBC.

There is something about a man willing to accept responsibility for birth control.  And there is definitely something to be said for a man secure enough in his masculinity to allow himself to be fixed.

The fact that he was snipped—definitely a big entry in the Plus column.


Post # 14
2923 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’m pregnant now, but once we’re done having kids (most likely will have 2 if everything goes well) my husband said he will get snipped because he doesn’t want me on BC forever.  I was a bit surprised but happy that he wanted to take the initiative and was concerned about my health.

I guess I can’t completely understand since you did say your CFBC why you would burst into tears about it.  Is it because it takes the decision out of your hands?

Post # 15
3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

WillowBee33 :  well…fwiw, it’s not actually a totally permanent choice. most vasectomies are reversible – not that you should go into with the idea that you can alwasy reverse it down the line if you want, but just saying that if it REALLY becomes an issue in the next 5 years, it’s not a totally done deal, necessarily.

i think it’s normal to grieve the loss of options, even if they’re options you didn’t want. we tend to overvalue the things we have (including the options we have). that said, it sounds like you are firmly CFBC and i think after you give it some time, you’ll adjust and fine that 1)it’s nice to be off BC, and 2) you enjoy your life as-is

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