Post # 1
This woman has never liked me from day one. She is one of those women who only gets along with men, and has never liked a single one of my DH’s girlfriends. I have gone out of my way to be friendly with her, and have organised at least the last 5 catchups we have had with her. My husband then tells me this morning that she has organised dinner for wednesday night, but only with him…
I am done with trying..especially as I don’t like her as a person. She is overly opinionated and very forceful. The only reason I have caught up with her and been polite is because my DH has been friends with her for about 7 years.
So after DH told me about the dinner, he then goes on to say that he was thinking of asking her to be Godmother that night (we had previously discussed this, but I had yet to tell him that i don’t want her to be bubs Godmother). He got a bit annoyed, but I am in NO WAY letting this one go. I don’t even want this woman around me again, or our child and she most certainly is not welcome in our home.
Also, we only catch up about every 2-3 months, but I have been hoping since our last catchup it would slowly fizzle to nothing. She was really rude and aggressive towards me at the dinner, and I just don’t care to see her again. I won’t stop DH from seeing her, but I don’t see what “friendship” is there as all she ever does at these dinners is bitch and complain about everyone else..
How can I get DH to realise why I don’t want this woman in our baby’s life let alone be his/her godmother?
Post # 3
@MrsSmokey: You should both like the godmother of your child. Godparents are typically close, trustworthy family members or beloved friends of the couple. If you don’t like her and aren’t close to her, she should not even be considered.
Post # 4
That’s a decision you should both be in total agreement with. If you don’t want her as your child’s godmother, he should understand that and not push it, and definitely not get upset about it. I wouldn’t give in either if I were in your place.
Do you think she may not like you because she has feelings for your husband?
Post # 5
Ew. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. This would not fly with me. Even if I was okay with female friends, this would not work.
Post # 6
@MrsSmokey: Yeah, both mom and ad get veto power when it comes to godparents. No arguing. No hurt feelings, Just “I don’t think so and so is the best fit to care for our child in our absense. Let’s keep looking”
Post # 7
@MrsSmokey: do you have a sister? Or does he? Can you suggethrone of them if you do?
Post # 8
@MrsSmokey: Just say no. Tell him what you’ve told us here. Godparents need to be agreed upon. Tell him if he’s silly enough to ask her, he’ll be doing some backtracking in the future.
Post # 9
Say no. Be clear. I would not want to name someone who is actively negative or disrespectful of my spouse a Godparent to any of our future children.
Question: Are you using the term “Godparent” to mean a person who you choose to be responsible for your child’s spiritual guidance, or to mean a “legal guardian” (someone who would raise your child in case the unthinkable happened)?
Post # 10
@MrsSmokey: Sorry you’re in ths situation 🙁
What I don’t get is the fact your DH knows you aren’t comfortable around her yet he’s still going to go to dinner alone without you??! Tell me he’s not…
Post # 11
Seems other people are different, but my mom is godparent to people’s kids she doesn’t talk to anymore. It’s not a bad thing, but is their any godparent duties she has? or is just a prestige thing? Maybe it’s cultural, but I know numerous godparents who aren’t involved/don’t live close/don’t have any involvement w/ their godkid. If it’s just a title thing maybe you should just go with it and she can fall off later on.
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2011 - Boy #1 12/2015, boy #2 02/2018
@MrsSmokey: I agree with other ppl, you don’t have to accept someone to be your child’s godparent if you don’t like that person. Just say it! I always find strange when someone has a friend of the opposite sex that doesn’t get along with his/her partner. Sorry to say this, but this sounds fishy!
Post # 13
@MrsSmokey: you both should agree in godparents. If you can’t though, you can always have 2 god mothers! He picks one and you pick one. I’m a god mother to a hold with 2 god fathers.
Post # 14
You both should agree on the godparent. That being said I think it is highly unfiar to request she never even see or be around the baby. If you don’t want to withhold her friendship from DH, that is unlikely to happen. However, as I said, I completely agree that you guys should pick the godmother together, someone you both trust and love (keep in mind you can have 2 godmothers if you can’t decide).
Post # 15
My husband then tells me this morning that she has organised dinner for wednesday night, but only with him…
This right here says that she has little to no interest in his family (which is you, at the moment) – why would you want someone who doesn’t care about your wife to hold a position that suggests she cares about your child?
As a side note – DH and I both have close opposite-gender friends, but when they invite us out, it’s always open to both of us. We may not always both go (schedule or just not interested), but to clearly invite only him is a problem in my mind.
Post # 16
@MrsSmokey: I think you should get ultimate veto with godparents, as should he. But I also think individual friendships should be able to continue as such through relationships & marriage, no matter the genders involved. Always having to hang out the three of you will smother out a friendship. I know that is what you want, but I don’t think she is out of line for inviting him to hang out alone. If you aren’t comfortable with that, that’s between your DH and you, but the invite doesn’t make her a horrible slag (tho she might be anyway.)