Post # 17
There wouldn’t be room in my marriage for a so-called “friendship” like this one. That seems to be the bigger issue. And I’m sorry, a 7 year friendship isn’t much time at all. AND she hates you and treats you disrespectfully. Why hasn’t your husband already put an end to this?
You need to stick up for yourself, girl. Tell him exactly why none of this is okay, lay down the law on the godparent thing and let him know in no uncertain terms that his relationship with her is not appropriate if it doesn’t include BOTH of you.
Post # 18
@MrsSmokey: This is a decision that needs to be mutual. This is your child together, and as such the person who looks after your child if anything were to happen needs to be liked by the both of you.
Post # 19
@MrsSmokey: You tell him the truth. She has NEVER been nice to you, it is RUDE for her to have dinner with him alone, and you are NOT comfortable making her a godmother.
And, if he does, she will NOT have your baby alone and he WILL NOT take this baby around this woman without you. And when you do go, you let her know firmly YOU are the child’s mother.
Post # 20
@MrsSmokey: If she doesn’t like you and is unpleasant to you, then no way should she be the godmother. It is a joint decision and someone who is important to both of you, not just one of you. I wouldn’t approve of this relationship continuing at all. I also know my Fiance wouldn’t remain friends with someone who didn’t respect or like me.
Post # 21
I’m gonna go ahead and defend his female friend, only because I was once in this very situation. I was a friend of a male person, and his girlfriend loathed me. She accused me of being mean to her, and I wasn’t. Eventually she made him choose, and he chose her, and she went ahead cut him off from ALL of his female friends (even though he was just supposed to be cut off from me).
I definitely agree that the godmother thing needs to be something you BOTH agree on. No ifs, ands, or buts.
But as far as him having a female friend, I don’t see any problem with that. Who cares if all she does is have dinners and complain about people? Is that what you’re really upset about? Or are you more upset about the godmother issue? You’re his wife. You clearly won that battle 😉
Post # 22
I agree with PPs. You totally should have veto over this. I do get “those women” who can’t get along with other women. While some women are catty, a women who finds ALL women catty and can’t get along with any women should not be trusted.
Post # 23
Thanks, I told him that I don’t want him to ask her. He had dinner with her last night and hasn’t mentioned a thing about it since we spoke the other day about it.
I highly doubt she has feelings for him, she is like this with every guy she is friends with. She bad mouths all their girlfriends, it’s pathetic.
He went to dinner. Turns out he had organised the dinner, and i misunderstood him. I don’t have any issues with him going to dinner with her, even if alone, but I do have issues with him wanting her to be our child’s godmother.
I have no issue with them going to dinner alone, I’d prefer it that way in way as then I don’t have to go haha. I would never tell him who he can or cannot be friends with. She is just very controlling with her friends (90% men). I think she needs to stop trying to interfere with everyones relationships..as that is what she seems to love doing.
My husband won’t say a bad word about anyone. I do love that about him, but it is difficult when I’ve seen a few of his friends straight out use him and he can’t see it. And he just can’t see my point of view with this particular friend, he thinks I don’t understand her :/
This isn’t about them being friends. She is nasty to me, always has been but I’ve said to him I would never stop or try to stop him being friends with her or any of his friends. This is simply about the fact that I DO NOT want this woman to be our baby’s godmother. I can smile and be nice to her, but no way in hell will she be looking after our baby if god forbid something happens to me or both of us.
Post # 24
- Wedding: October 2014 - UK
I agree with PPs who say you just need to be firm on this. The Godparent is in theory someone you trust to raise your child in case something happens to both of you, and to support you in raising them the rest of the time.
I think that it’s fine to have these delineated boundaries – she’s your husband’s friend, you steer clear – but she absolutely shouldn’t be in the running for Godparent if she’s not close to both of you.
I hope you manage to resolve the situation! 🙂
Post # 25
Jesus. As soon as someone has a friend of the opposite sex, it’s like everyone instantly assumes something is going on O.O
I hope you don’t let those responses make you paranoid. She just sounds like a bitch, she doesn’t sound like she wants to steal away your husband.
I do agree that each parent gets veto power. If either of you disapproves, the person in question is out. I’d just tell him no, that you don’t want her to be the godmother. I’m sure he wouldn’t go against your wishes. If he DOES, I’d let him know that he’ll be the one to tell her that actually, she’s not the godmother. That’d be an awkward conversation to have. I hope he is sticking up for you when she’s nasty to you!