(Closed) DH wants to buy a gun…And I'm extremely anti-guns :-(

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 31
Member
1622 posts
Bumble bee

I grew up in a family of bird hunters, so guns in the house is not anything I am frightened about. My dad has a gun safe and stored the ammunition in a different location than the guns. I think you and your husband could compromise about the gun and make some rules: No cleaning gun in the house, gun must be stored in a locked safe at all times, for example

Post # 32
Member
309 posts
Helper bee

In the states I’m familiar with it is illegal to have someone else store your gun for you.  Think of the San Bernadino shooting.  The friend/neighbor legally purchased the gun and let the killer store the gun for him.  I would never own something like a weapon and have it out of my control.  I have also been a member of 3 ranges and none of which have had storage for weapons. You can rent their guns, yes, but they did not have storage for my personal guns.

I had never had guns around me until a few years ago and was very uncomfortable with them.  I went to the local gun store and took several gun safety classes before I considered letting one be in the house.  I wanted to feel safe handling one and understanding them.  Once I was educated with them I was less fearful of them.  I then went safe shopping and  then gun shopping. Even though I had no intention of using one, I wanted to understand the mechanics of it.

 

Post # 33
Member
1321 posts
Bumble bee

Yeah, no. The thought of a gun in my house makes me queasy. Mind you, there are few guns in the UK. I would never allow one near my children. 

(Fun fact: more Americans were shot by toddlers than terrorists last year. Approximately 1 toddler-involved shooting a week.)

Post # 34
Member
14160 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
gingerkitten:  It’s not really a fair question, since anyone I married would  be on the same page as me from the start. But yes. It would be me or the gun. 

Post # 35
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’m in the minority here since I’m pro-guns. We have about 30 different guns stored in our safe and around the house. We hunt ALL the time so our guns are not always put up. That being said, we do not have children nor do any children come to our house regularly. If we know they’re coming we make sure everything is locked up – just wanted to add that because I’m sure that would be a lecture from someone.

I know that he’s your husband and you are agaisnt them but he needs to be able to do something that makes him happy and you need to get over it. He should also be allowed to keep HIS property safely stored in HIS home just like you keep whatever it is that you use for a hobby at your home as well. The problem with storing it at a range is the range isn’t always opened. What if he gets invited to a shoot last minute but can’t get his own gun because it’s elsewhere?

It’s hard to understand guns if you’re agaisnt them and I find it hard to explain. It’s one of those agree to disagree things but since I’m on your husbands side in this, look at it like a sort of therapy. My Fiance and I shoot often. It helps us to unwind and get our minds off whatever is going on while improving our skill for hunting and competition skeet shoots. Its a hobby, we enjoy it like people enjjoy yoga, hiking, surfing, etc.

You need to compromise with him. If they bother you that bad just ask that he keep it in a gun safe in the house away from you. But I think it’s a little much to not want to ALLOW him to get one. 

Post # 36
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
Lcturner3:  I agree. Additionally, it’s not as if he’s insisting on sleeping with an AR-15 under the pillow! 

Can you imagine the hue and cry if the gender was switched? If a husband wanted to “forbid” his wife from owning equipment related to a hobby? Bees would accuse him of abuse and urge her to DTMFA. 

OP, there’s a compromise. He wants to shoot for sport. Maybe a lock that only he can open? A “smart gun?” He’s a grown-ass man, after all 

Post # 37
Member
14160 posts
Honey Beekeeper

What I find hard to understand is how you two ended up married without knowing about or resolving an issue that is apparently this important to both of you. Did H not know your position on guns before you were married? Did you not know his? 

Post # 38
Member
1700 posts
Bumble bee

I am amazed by how many girls are saying “no guns” or “store it elsewhere”…is he not an EQUAL partner in your marriage?!? I can’t imagine telling my fiance what he CAN and CAN’T own or keep in our house…yes, you do have a say in HOW it is stored, but to say flat “no” is ridiculous…we have guns and they are all kept in a safe…end of story

I would explain to your husband you really arent’ comfortable with guns in the house, and simply request he keep them locked in a safe when he isn’t using them. I don’t understand what the big deal is about that?

Post # 39
Member
2504 posts
Sugar bee

You both need to talk on the reasoning on both your sides. Neither is right or wrong. You can come to a solution.

For example, does he just want a gun to shoot at the range? Then can he keep it somewhere else or even store it at the range? (Do they do that? I don’t know.)

What about it being in the house makes you feel unsafe? (you don’t have to explain to me, but tell him). Are you afraid an intruder would get to it? A child may get to it? In that case would a very secure safe be an answer? As well as making sure he stores it unloaded etc…

 

I’m sure if you talk out the details with each other you can come to a solution.

Post # 40
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee

My husband and I both own and regularly shoot guns. However, I had never touched or even seen one in person until I was 19 years old, at which point we had already been dating five years. I was very skittish the first time I shot a pistol, because I was half convinced it would go off just from being in my hand. Now that I’m more familiar, I’m more comfortable with them. We keep our rifles and shotguns unloaded in cases. Our pistols stay in our nightstands with the safety on. My husband has an enhanced concealed carry permit and sometimes carries in public.  I’m satisfied that our guns are safe and that we are safe when we handle them. I’m sure our approach to gun safety will get more stringent if/when we have children. But I also know that, as long as no one is touching them, the guns are literally just pieces of metal.

To get back on topic, I was very against guns for most of my life. I think this was mostly because my parents didn’t want any in the house while my sister and I were young, and I do not come from a hunting family. However, I was willing to try shooting with my husband because I knew it was something he was passionate about and really enjoyed. We covered gun safety on multiple weapons for almost an hour before I held my first gun. OP, maybe you could go to the shooting range with him. You don’t have to shoot if you don’t want to, though I think it may help you to try it. But let him at least show you how it works and how to be safe. It may make you feel less scared.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by mantaray.
Post # 41
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

 

View original reply
ironmaidelah:  You’re exactly right! I would love to see a man tell a woman she cannot get something that she enjoys doing but hasn’t been able to because of a injury. It’s obvious he has been looking forward to this and now his joy is stripped away.

 

OP – I am unsure as to WHY you’re antigun and I’m not going to turn this into a politically correct argument, but please do some research. Guns are not what the media reports. YES – they can and have killed people on accident and on purpose. But the different is being a responsible owner and educating yourself on your weapon and how to handle it properly. I have never had any sort of gun accident or mishap. I have carried concealed for 5 years now and have been shooting for over 10. It’s the irresponsible people who have no business with a firearm that give them all bad names.

Post # 42
Member
859 posts
Busy bee

My DH and I have an understanding. No guns are welcome in my home. Not owned by him or anyone. I won’t tolerate it. He can own as many guns as he likes, but they are never to be under our roof. For me bringing a gun into our home is showing a complete disregard for not only my safety by the safety of the other people who live with us. If having a gun is that important he can find another place to live.

Post # 43
Member
4497 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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ct2015:  I totally agree! Can you imagine “my husband doesn’t like makeup so I’m not allowed to buy it anymore”.

I’m anti-gun, but my husband is a grown ass man, so I don’t give him permission to do a damn thing. I might have an opinion, and not want him to, but ultimately it’ s also his house/money/autonomy….

I really don’t see how telling someone they aren’t allowed to do something they want to do because you don’t like it, and expecting they will listen like you’re their parent is conducive to a healthy marriage.

OP, all you can do is discuss it and try to come to some kind of compromise. I do think ideas around storing it in a safe etc are just solid anyway, but would also maybe help you feel better?

Post # 44
Member
2377 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I’d try to talk to him about storing it elsewhere, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with one in the house either.

Post # 45
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
ct2015: It’s not like he wants to store golf clubs or paint balls for his hobbie…. it’s a lethal weapon.  Something that many people have VERY strong opinions about. So having a strong opinion about not wanting one in your home and hoping your spouse respects doesn’t come across as controlling or demanding to me. 

View original reply
SilverWire:  You seem to be of someone who has a strong opinion on the subject and i’m sure your spouse respects that!

Would I want one in my home? No… I grew up seeing hunting rifles and respecting them but it’s not for me. With the technology they have now in gun safes I’d make sure we spent the money for the best we could afford if DH/SO/FI really insisted. I’m sure a compromised can be reached.

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