DH wants to move out of state

posted 1 year ago in Married Life
Post # 31
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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@socalgirl1689:  I know so many people like that, that take living here for granted! We go to the beach at least once a month, usually just to walk around (I am not a fan of going in the Ocean, especially the pacific). I remember going snowboarding and to the beach on the same weekend a few years ago and pointing out how cool it is what we can do that!

We did a walking tour of DTLA a few years ago and that was pretty cool, saw a lot of things we never knew existed. Lived here so many years and never saw the city from that vantage point, walking the jewelry & swap meet districts. There is so much to see here, I can totally understand how people that were born here can easily miss things!

Post # 32
Member
3116 posts
Sugar bee

I apologize if I missed a comment.  You said that Arizona is more in line with your husband’s political views.  What about yours?  Family aside, would you be happy/comfortable there?

Do your parents provide any child care or do you anticipate they will when your baby is older, given they’re so close?  If so, make sure you factor in the cost of child care if you did more to AZ.

Post # 33
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5387 posts
Bee Keeper

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@temeculabride:  I can name many people who haven’t been to the beach the last 5 years. I kinda get it if they don’t wanna go in the water because it is freakin cold. My SO has to wear a bodysuit even on summer months just to keep warm. But at least for the others, come take a walk or something. Enjoy what you pay more for!

He also doesn’t understand why not more people take regular walks when weather is pretty mild, mostly dry and favorable all year round (where we are at least). He’s European so he’s used to people being outside the minute the sun is out. And if it’s a weekend and there’s nothing to do, they all pull out a chair and sit outside basically the whole day (mostly under the shade)… just talking, listening to music or with a book to read and having drinks. And they are very contented. I guess they just try to take advantage of the nice weather because winters can be crappy. Plus they regularly take very long walks…rain (more like drizzling) or shine, winter or summer, it doesn’t matter. They just LOVE being outdside. 

Post # 34
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407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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@socalgirl1689:  Yeah the Ocean is too cold and dirty for me, plus I am not a good swimmer. But we love to walk on the boardwalk and look at houses, go have lunch out there. That has been one of our saving graces during this COVID situation, is that even if the beach was closed the beach front sidewalks were open and we’d go walking so much. Worth the 45 minute drive for us! 

Europe is so different when it comes to walking and health, they certainly understand life and health a lot more than we do. It has been nice with this horrible situation that it brought more people outside -we actually just started hanging out on our porch more too. 

It bothers me when people complain about living here or don’t take advantage of the amazing things we have to offer. We don’t need the extra traffic, if you hate it peace out! Save the freeway space for those of us that appreciate and love our hometown. 🙂

Post # 35
Member
835 posts
Busy bee

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@socalgirl1689:  
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@temeculabride:  When I had my college orientation there were local students in the group that said they went to the beach every few years, and some of the parents hadn’t been in decades. I was shocked! I’m from a landlocked state and when we come to our favorite little SoCal beach town for 2-3 weeks each summer we literally live on the beach, morning til night and soak it in as much as we can. I know if I still lived there it wouldn’t be as much of a priority since it’s always there. Agree the Pacific is cold and no Caribbean Sea, but I still love it! I understand a lot of people have to live inland, but when I lived there I never lived further than 1 mile from the beach and made it a point to walk or bike the strand or lay out every few days. Just don’t get the point of dealing with with all of the negatives (congestion, expense, etc.) when a town literally looks like it could be in an entirely different, cheaper state. (Not going to name CA towns or other states so as not to offend any other commenters…)

Post # 36
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

@bear123:  Yeah we are 40 miles away from the coast and still go as often as we can. We live inland because OC is expensive as hell and we would only end up in a 600 ft house for the price of our 2700 foot house. Luckily we don’t deal with traffic much anymore as we both work close and parents are close, I rarely take the freeway anymore unless I am going someplace like the beach. And for some of us, it is not dealing with the negatives to live in a town that looks like it can be anywhere else – it is dealing with the negatives to live near family. My roots are here and are planted.

Post # 37
Member
358 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

My husband grew up traveling between states and countries, whereas I lived in the same city my whole life. Before we married I moved out to his city (an hour an a half from my hometown), but honestly that’s as far as I’m willing to go. He is itching to move out to a state with more open land and more scenery, whereas I don’t (I’m a total city girl). Since we both work in education, we really can’t move states without having to take extra classes/tests for another state’s teaching license. So for now we are stuck here, and I’m totally fine with that. I can’t imagine being even further away from my parents and extended family. His parents and siblings are in another state, so he couldn’t really care where to ‘settle’. We’re thinking of moving at the moment, but we know we want to stay around the same area or closer to where I grew up.

Post # 38
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

I want to leave my state but I don’t want to be away from family. Money isn’t everything, but to live more comfortably is not a bad thing… I would actually have an easier life living further away. I live somewhere that I am trying to buy a house in and it’s not even worth it. It’s like why am I paying all this money to stay here? Oh, family. My husband wouldn’t mind moving away, and he has moved away. He’s close to his family but not as close as I am to mine. But part of me wants to spread my wings. Its not like I see them all the time, but I’m within minutes. I’m living my own life, busy with my own things as it is, as we all should be especially with the new family we create with our spouse (with children or not). Our spouse’s should be number one, but it does not mean we wouldn’t miss our families. I think it depends on how it will benefit your futures too. My comment is really not offering anything I suppose. It’s hard to be tied to a place that might not even be good for us but we don’t want to leave becuase family is there. 

Post # 39
Member
1095 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

For me having young kids, the perks of having a babysitter nearby for emergencies or even just for a date night are priceless for my mental health and my relationship. I know you can find babysitters etc but I just don’t trust them the same and the reliability isn’t always there. The other week I had bad food poisoning and was so sick and my vomiting was upsetting and waking my 3 year old and she was crying. My mum lives 15mins away and we quickly rang her to see if she could have my little one for the night so I could rest and my husband dropped her off and it was just so nice to have someone we can call on in those situations. Especially if you are starting out fresh somewhere and having to make new friends too it can take awhile to find people who are there for emergencies. My kids also benefit a lot from having family close by to grow up with and spend time with. When we had to go a couple of months without seeing family due to covid they really struggled and so did I and it made me realize how important a network is. Would be totally different without kids or even if kids were older and more independent but right now would be my worst time to move away from what’s familiar even for a cheaper house or better job opportunity. 

Post # 41
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Going on a fun family adventure aside. I think it’s also important to consider how much of a quality of life upgrade it would be.

When I lived in CA my 700 square foot apartment with a tiny balcony and ocean view was over 5k a month. In Colorado, Utah or AZ that same amount gives you a large AMAZING house with a great yard! Or huge savings! When I moved I saved nearly 35k a year on rent alone. When you take in to account that and taxes, groceries ect, it was a huge difference!

I have friends that have moved, sold their CA house and used that money to be mortgage-free elsewhere. 600-800k chunks of change can go a long way!

Aside from the adventure of it, would moving be worth saving $200 a month, probably not, but in a lot of circumstances moving means, being able to stay at home, early retirement, financial freedom, more family vacations. Being able to afford your dream house, or any house at all. Having a yard. Guesthouse for your parents. Large emergency fund. Freedom to change careers.

Post # 42
Member
513 posts
Busy bee

I am close with my mom and twin sister, but when I was 19 I left home and never lived in the same state again.  I didn’t want to live in the Midwest.  The state I’ve now lived in the longest isn’t my dream state and I’m sure most people don’t ever really want to live in it haha but I’m happy here.  I see my mom and sister once or twice a year which does suck, but we make the most of it.  Having a kid does change things and I get wanting to be close to your family and it would be really different living apart.  To me 6 hours away seems close (I’m 15 hours and +22 hours drive from my family), but I know in terms of having a quick dinner or having them babysit it wouldn’t be.  If you ended up around that range (my sister lives in AZ so I’m familiar with that drive to CA), what I used to do when I lived closer to my mom was we would meet in the middle (so 3 hours each for us) to grab dinner.  Just an idea!

Post # 43
Member
2290 posts
Buzzing bee

This is tough. Having 2 small kids I completely understand the need and want of family nearby. 

OTOH, I place a lot of value in spreading your wings and trying a new place or places in life if the opportunity presents itself. 

You can’t replace your family, or time spent with them. But you also cannot replace your own personal growth, a happy marriage and a chance for your kids to experience a new place. 

Post # 44
Member
1541 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle

We have moved out of state 2 different times (AZ was one of those moves) for a better climate and moved back both times. We didn’t realize how much we relied on and missed our families until we were on the other side of the country. 

Post # 45
Member
560 posts
Busy bee

i’ve moved twice to cities out of state where i didn’t know anyone, once for my own job and once for my husband’s job.  

at the beginning, it is really awful and lonely not to know anyone.  you definitely have to be proactive to make a new group of friends.  in both cases, it took at least a year to feel like we had any sort of social life.

while i have definitely grown from these experiences, i miss my family a lot.  we are expecting our first child and i am dreading the fact that we don’t have any family locally.  if you have small children i would definitely priortize family over location.

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