DH wants to move out of state

posted 12 months ago in Married Life
Post # 46
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Wanted to add when my husband and I were young/single we both left our home states for jobs, to be independent, and neither one of us felt the need to be near family. But now we have young children, I am so envious of people who are near grandparents who are helpful. I wish we had that so badly! Of course we could move , but that would be a huge hassle to me and we both have Jobs that are good and stable so I couldn’t imagine uprooting right now . If the grandparents were already where we were that would be a true win win.

Post # 47
215 posts
Helper bee

SoCal bee here also looking to relocate to another state. Granted my situation is different than yours in that I’m single with no kids so I can pretty much pick up and go anytime without it really affecting anyone. I grew up here, and all my friends and family are close by, but it’s gotten to a point where the cost of living is ridiculous, and covid officially put things over the edge. I was looking at testing out the Nevada side of Lake Tahoe as it’s right on the border with CA, not to mention is a gorgeous location. I’m thinking about trying it out for 6 months to a year before deciding whether to come back. I don’t think prices will go up all that much within that timeframe, especially with everything going on, to get officially priced out of California all together. So maybe you can do a type of trial run as well? Especially now that so many people are able to work remotely, the ability to be flexible is much more feasible. 

Post # 48
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2017 - Central Park

I’m from Florida and my husband is from New York, and we live in Poland. I haven’t lived in the same state/or country as my family for about twelve years. I’ve moved a lot, but it’s really made me the person I am today, and I am so grateful for that. I love my family dearly and it is really hard to be away for holidays and birthdays, or just when I’m really sick. Full disclosure, I always cry. The visits are so special and something we all get really excited for, so that’s a really cool aspect of being a 10 hour flight from home. FaceTime isn’t the same, but it’s awesome how much it helps, especially during current travel restrictions. That said, we love adventure and trying new things, so moving to Europe was something we were both very enthusiastic about. I could never imagine living in the same state for my entire life, but sometimes I’m jealous of the community people have when they do. There are benefits to staying and benefits to going. I would be really open about your concerns about moving. Maybe once things are a bit safer with the virus, try visiting the areas your husband is interested in moving to just to see how you’d feel. Google schools. Look at houses and apartments online. Look up restaurants and things to do. If you really don’t feel comfortable after that, then it’s important to be honest early. But, I would highly caution you to stay where you are because you’re afraid of being too far from home. The growth that my husband and I have experienced throughout this journey has been incredible and it’s been an amazing ride to share together. We are able to travel, save money, live in a nice apartment, and have more disposable income for other things- it is a night and day comparison from when we lived in Manhattan. Leaving home is not for everyone, but it can be a really beautiful thing if you’re open to it.

Post # 49
671 posts
Busy bee

I was born and raised in Southern California. Moved to Colorado two years ago, bought my dream home, and never looked back. Now my family wants to move out too because we are so happy. I feel so much freer with half my salary not being used for rent.

Post # 50
5038 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2016

This is really hard.  D.H. and I live far from our families, in a HCOL city and anytime we’ve even slightly entertained the idea of moving back as we get close to TTC, we just can’t.  While we could sell our small house here and buy a huge house for half the price, we know we would be miserable living in a red state with not much to do.  Lots of people are happy there though, so it’s about doing what’s best for your family.  For some people, a bigger house and more disposable income is 100% worth it, or they love a slower-paced suburban/rural area.  We’d much rather live somewhere smaller, more expensive, for what our city offers, even though it means we are farther from family – and like you, we’re both very close to our families. 

It sounds like you’re really happy with where you are right now, and that if your husband wanted to stay, you wouldn’t even be considering moving out of state.  Maybe take a few trips to different places to see how you feel about the areas before making a firm decision.  Think about how your day to day lives would change and if that’s worth the lower COL.  Maybe you can compromise and reassess moving in a few years once your child is older. 

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