DH wants to rehome our cat

posted 2 years ago in Pets
Post # 76
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m amazed at the 0 give when it comes to pets on this site. Especially by the same people who trash tf out of human beings. I’m sorry, this is her family’s health. It’s a sad day when the love for humanity is trumped by the love of an animal. I understand that pets are innocent creatures, well so is her toddler…and her unborn baby. 

OP, I know that your husband is fed up, and he is over it, but since you clearly love this cat, do the final round of testing before giving up, and find a room to keep your cat in the meantime. If the problem persists, rehome without guilt. You have to put your family first, and be damned what a judgy Bee has to say. Good luck, and I’m so sorry you, your family, and your pet are experiencing such stress. 

Post # 77
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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zoraneale :    This isn’t a love of animals vs humanity issue, it is a responsibility issue.  If you cannot provide basic care to an ill animal, you shouldn’t have one.  If she had exhausted more options, most people might be much more forgiving.  But there appears to be basic diagnostics that have not even been done.  And if you had spent time in shelters desperately trying to save animals that suddenly became a burden to their families, only to see their lives snuffed out, you would see where some of us that have little give come from.  It is called compassion for living beings entrusted to our care.  We like to brag about how progressive our country is,go spend a day in a high kill shelter in this country watching literally hundreds of animals die in a day and then talk to us about 0 give for what might be a very simple medical condition.  I

Post # 78
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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prism :    $500 is not that much to spend for a cat you have had for 8 months (?!). Your husband is putting his foot down after just $500? I was sympathetic before but now it seems like your just wanting validation to throw the towel in. Why is this impacting the health of your toddler so much? Do you not have extra space where you can quarantine cat for the time being? 

Post # 79
Member
2844 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Honestly, I would feel like a giant piece of shit for even considering condemning this cat to a life of cages and isolation (or death) just because my pos husband doesn’t want to be a responsible pet owner.

Ignorance is no excuse when it comes to the fundamental care of a living, breathing, creature. You sign up for these things when you take any animal into your care. Pets were not created to just be there when it is convenient, they are a commitment for however long they are alive whether that be 6 months or 20+ years. $500 is an extremely low amount to spend on a sick animals medical care. My best friend just spent $3500 in medical expenses for her daschunds back issues and my fi and I have spent thousands as well caring for our animals. It’s just part of caring for another being. Dont try to church it up to make yourself feel better. You aren’t “rehoming” him at all, you’re surrendering him because he is no longer convenient. Its fucking disgusting. 

Post # 80
Member
11391 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Bee, I’ve spent $500 at the vet this month over tummy issues! Luckily I bought insurance a few months ago, but so far it’s just going to the deductible and I paid thousands at the vet in the last few months. Yeah, I get it, is not the way you want to spend your money, but I have to agree with PP re your husband balking after $500. 

Maybe you can show him this thread, esp the comments from @Anev, a vet, and those who have spent a lot more than that. 

But at any rate, I would put my foot down and tell him you’re not rehoming. Don’t let him push you around. 

Post # 82
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

I think the problem is that this is all hypothetical- WITHOUT the additional testing done. 

The problem is the kitty is sick. The only possible way to solve the problem is to get the additional testing done. 

If you have the money (which, from the sounds of it, you do, you just don’t want to spend it on the additional testing) I would really, really, really, recommend giving it one more go with the additional testing. At the very least, I’m assuming the kitty is suffering to some degree right now, and it seems cruel to let him suffer if you have the means to try to fix it. I certainly couldn’t let an animal of mine suffer because I was undecided and spending days and weeks weighing the pros of cons of going back the vet. 

What if you do the testing, and it solves the problem? All this stress, worry, and guilt would be gone. It seems like you and your husband are so hung up on what if it doesn’t work, but what if you get the answer and it is something treatable. Or if it is something that isn’t treatable but will get worse, and the poor kitty would have a poor quality of life, then you have that information to make the kindest decision to relieve the kitty from the suffering through euthanasia. 

Wouldn’t you rather at least try, rather than wonder what if? I know if I ever brought an animal back because of an undiagnosed illness, that I had the means to at least try to get a diagnosis, I would be riddled with guilt for the rest of my life. 

My personal experience- when my kitty was holding her jaw open slightly, I took her into the vet, thinking it was a minor dental issue. Vet suspected jaw cancer, and gave me the option to do a $600-$800 biopsy to confirm. I chose to go through with the biopsy, because if it was cancer, then we would know to start palliative treatment and pain meds to keep her comfortable, and if turned out not to be cancer, then they would be able to treat whatever minor thing it was. 

It was cancer. I would have felt horrible if I hadn’t done the additional testing to confirm the problem, and to start “treatment.” 

If you really do not have the funds for $700, then I would tell the vet how much you do have, and see what they can do. 

I also would start saving up ASAP for a vet emergency fund. $500 in vet expenses is not that much. I say this as someone who makes under 20 grand a year, lives pay check to pay check generally speaking, and has spent easily 2 grand on my dog and on my past kitties over the last few years, which is one the low end for a lot of people when it comes to vet expenses.

I also want to say I can empathasize with how miserably stressed you are dealing with your sick kitty. Not sure if you know much about jaw cancer in cats, but it is very aggressive. Within a week after the diagnosis, my kitty couldn’t eat normal food anymore and was lethargic. I had to spend hours upon hours each day mixing kitten milk, chicken baby food, fish broth, wet, crumbled cat treats into a pasty mush, heating it up slightly, and follow her around everyone to try to get her to eat. She wasn’t able to groom herself well, and would get poop stuck and smear it around our home. It was so incredibly hard to care for  her, my life revolved 24/7 around caring for her. I was exhausted, and I only had to do that for about 2 weeks as I put her down before she started  suffering or not being able to eat, I couldn’t imagine doing it for months straight. 

It is easy for people to say they would live with it, if they actually haven’t had too. 

I really think the best solution to this needs to be another vet visit. I understand your husband doesn’t want to spend the money, but surely $700 is worth it to at least try to “fix” the kitty? I have a hard time imagining you don’t  have $700 to spare if you are TCC. If you honestly don’t, then like I and another poster said, see what the vet can do with your budget.

This whole post iteself could possibly be for naught if you actually get the testing done to find out what the issue is. 

 But no, I do not think you should bring the cat back to the shelter, especially when you are keeping his sister, and because something that could solve this problem 100% completely is to go back to the vet and get the testing done. 

Post # 83
Member
85 posts
Worker bee

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enfrancais :  I have a dog… and my dog doesn’t trump my husband or child. I love my dog and I would hate to see him sick but there is a limit and I would not go to the ends of the earth nor spend unlimited money on fixing a health issue.. to me he’s part of the family and we all love him but he’s still an animal who doesn’t get the same affection from me as people do. Sorry you don’t agree but I’m entitled to my opinion. 

Post # 84
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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blueberrycupcake28 :  I understand what you went through with your kitty.  I faced something similar with my 12 year old dog recently.  He was having several issues and after much testing and an ultrasound, was diagnosed with a mass on his spleen.  Splenic masses are usually cancerous in older dogs and I had previously lost another of my beautiful dogs to a ruptured spleen from an undiagnosed mass.  Most people opt to euthanize in my situation, but I couldn’t.  I could never have lived with myself if I didn’t try to save his life, or if I let him go, only to find out the mass was benign.  So we did the surgery and when the vet called me crying and telling me the mass was benign, it was one of the most joyful moments of my life.  The $2500+ was the last thing on my mind, and I am far from well off.  I was just overjoyed my boy was alive and going to be healthy.  So, like you, I believe it is our responsibilty to try, not give up so easily, they depend on us.  I am so sorry you lost your kitty, but you gave her love, didnt give up, and let her go when the time came.  All beautiful acts of love.

Post # 86
Member
95 posts
Worker bee

I completely understand how difficult and upsetting this situation is but I also think that if you have a pet then you should automatically get pet insurance especially when it can be so inexpensive per month rather than the 100s- 1000s it adds up to be when something goes wrong. 

Post # 87
Member
346 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I don’t know that this is helpful, but I just spent $6000 (yep, four zeros) on emergency surgery for my dog’s slipped disc. If they had said it would be $700, I would have been THRILLED. 

Post # 88
Member
32 posts
Newbee

The vet bee who posted a page or two ago gave some great advice. I hope you take it and try to work with your vet to come up with a plan that’s affordable for you.

Your cat’s issues are tough, no question. But they are only as unbearable as your husband is making them. Is he helping you clean the diarrhea? Is he watching your son equally from getting near the mess? It sounds like there’s plenty of room for your husband to step up and start modeling important qualities for your son: responsbility, dedication and compassion. And respecting what you want!

Personally, I’d go to couples counseling over this issue — not because of the stress from the cat but because of a lack of those qualities your husband is demonstrating. But that’s just me — I value those who are compassionate for the most vulnerable, and I’m also aware of what happens to “rehomed” difficult pets. In some posts, you sound like you really want to help your cat — to get further testing done. If it were me, I’d work extra hours or a part-time job to get that testing done. Or I’d have a yard sale. Or sell stuff on Ebay. Anything. It’s an animal’s life. My husband’s frustration would not even phase me compared to the guilt I’d feel if I gave up on the cat without trying my absolute hardest. 

You asked if you sound like a horrible person. No, you don’t. If you were, you wouldn’t have been racked with guilt over this. But your husband? He sounds like he could learn to be more compassionate, not even to the cat, but to you, your wants and your struggles. Good luck, bee.

Post # 89
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2020 - Mobile, AL

It’s obvious that you love this cat, and you dont want to abandon it..

But family comes first. And with a toddler and possibly a new baby in the near future, having cat feces all around your house is not safe or healthy.

Yes, you made a committment to your cat- but your committment to your family is infinitely more important.

is the cat declawed? Is there any way he could transition into being an outdoor cat?

 

Also: I know this is cynical and negative and I might get some hate for this, but I believe in the natural cycle of life for animals, and I dont think that you should be spending hundreds, potentially thousands, of dollars at the vet. 

Post # 90
Member
1075 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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zoraneale :  it’s not people versus animals.  Nobody forced op to go out and adopt a cat.  The cat didn’t break into her house and set up shop.  She drove to the shelter and CHOSE to bring a cat into her life. Animals, much like people,  aren’t guaranteed good health.  The healthy pet you’re adopting today could get sick, or have an accident, tomorrow.   That’s the risk you take when you choose to adopt an animal and I wish more people would think about things like that before adopting . It’s fine to decide that you’d rather not spend money on vet bills or that you’d rather not deal with a sick pet, but figure that out before you decide to adopt.   I have zero sympathy for someone who chooses to bring an animal into their home and then doesn’t do everything in their power to find out why it’s sick because it’s too much hassle to do so.  

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