DH wants to rehome our cat

posted 1 year ago in Pets
Post # 91
96 posts
Worker bee

Why are you ignoring all the comments about quarantining him?! put him in a bathroom or a laundry whilst you’re still altering his diet. He will be fine, cats don’t ~need a lot of space, especially in the short term. I guarentee he would rather live in a cage with you than be put down when noone new wants a sick cat from a rescue shelter. Pets are equal family members in my mind though I know not everyone feels that way, I think of it the same as sending a child to an adoption agency because they were ill or disabled. I acknowledge this extreme but whatever it’s how I feel.

Post # 92
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

newgreenbee :  I completely agree.   The shelter I work with gives pet insurance info right in the packet when you adopt.  My two cats were immediately signed up for it as well as on the wellness plan my vet offers (covers routine stuff that insurance doesn’t) 

Post # 93
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

bushandapeck :  And so the OP should just opt to let the cat die or euthanize it for what is likely a simple medical condition because its life isn’t worth the money or “hassle”   You have to be kidding.  Ugh.  No wonder there is such cruelty and lack of kindness and compassion in this world,  based on some of these responses.  It is so disheartening.  People are also animals with a circle of life.  Think about it.

Post # 94
57 posts
Worker bee

I would give up my husband first before giving up my cat. Especially for reasons as just being fed up with the cat’s illness. Unlike him, animals are defenseless and are dependent on us for care and protection. Luckily, the person that I have chosen as a life partner shares my values of what’s important in life. When my cat got sick, we spent nearly $4000 to treat her, and thankfully she is now healed and living the best life ever. 

Now I understand that animals’ cycle of life is inevitably shorter than humans. But as long as you can afford it and have options, you definitely should exercise them before taking drastic actions like rehoming or euthenesia. That way you wont have this gnawing feeling of regret. 

Post # 95
105 posts
Blushing bee

EmeraldAisle :  When one adopts a pet, one voluntary assumes the duty to do everything in one’s power to effectively provide care and comfort for a pet. Unless it is absolutely not feasible to front the money for the care or every avenue has been exhausted, doing anything less is an abdication of a moral and ethical duty. And that I can’t condone. 

Post # 96
1480 posts
Bumble bee

I would get another opinion from a new vet and in the meantime quarantine him in one room so as to control the mess while this gets sorted. 

Post # 97
115 posts
Blushing bee

prism :  I agree with everyone who says the right thing to do is spend the money and get more testing.  I won’t repeat all the things they said.

But I don’t think anyone has addressed your response to the quarantine suggestion.  You said you don’t want to to lock him in a small room and separate your kitty from his sister in your own home, but that is exactly what you are proposing doing by “rehoming” him.  It will be a lot less stressful for the cat to be in a familiar bathroom with contact with you and the other cat while this issue is figured out then getting dumped at a shelter and put down.

Post # 98
3064 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

If you can not or will not give the cat the medical care and intervention it needs then, yes, you should absolutely return to the rescue ASAP so they can get on it. It’s not to be rude but just the truth. The cat needs medical attention and more extensive tests and it needs to be in a place that will provide that and look after it’s quality of life (blood in stool is a very serious symptom and I doubt painless for your cat).

Any pet you take it should be taken in with the understanding of medical and health needs in mind which goes even for any adopted completely healthy. 

If The vet refuses to take past medical documents with test results then I would go to a new vet. But if the tests were only for parasites then that is very minimal and there’s a host of other serious issues that could cause bloody stool requiring extensive testing. It could be possible for parasites to not be fully cleared even with past treatment so Id rather rule it out than not. Without knowing the vet’s opinion, it’s hard to say especially if the tests are dated.

As others have said, you can quarantine him so you won’t have to deal with fecal issues near any areas your child may be while working through this with a vet. I’d also just recommend contacting the rescue to let them know because they may have a personal vet they recommend.

Post # 99
1272 posts
Bumble bee

This thread is shocking. I can’t believe some people are telling OP to euthanise (aka kill) the cat. This is a 1 year old cat with bloody diarrhoea, he does not need to be put down! It is nothing to do with  “putting him out his misery” it’s a cop out because people couldn’t be bothered to try and help him. My cat had the exact same problem until he was about 18 months old and he is fine now. There are plenty of things OP could do that do not cost much money:

-Change his food until you find one that suits him

-Quarantine him to easy to clean rooms such as the kitchen 

-Let him be an outdoor cat (I know this isn’t the “done thing” in the US but it’s extremely common in the U.K. and Europe, and is surely better than killing him or giving him up) and when he is inside keep him in just one room 

-Do some of the cheaper tests the vet bee suggested 

It saddens me to see there are such heartless people who would kill a cat just because he has a medical problem which is causing an inconvenience to them. I would imagine they’re probably the same kind of people who declaw cats (which is so cruel and illegal in many countries) because they don’t want their furniture to get scratched. Please do not own pets if you have this mindset, they’re better off in a shelter. 


Post # 100
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

emmalicious : we are literally going through this with our dog right now. I’ve noticed growths on my dog for the last couple of years but each time I would bring them up to our vet at home he would brush them off and say they are lipomas, benign masses of fat cells. We just moved and are seeing a new vet and our dog’s condition has deteriorated rapidly, she is wheezing, having trouble controlling her bathroom movements, no energy and no appetite…. we took her in for tests and they came back showing that she has cancer. Sometimes it is just as simple as changing vets to get the right answer.

  prism :  I know you said he is only just turned 1, but has he been neutered yet? If not, has his prostate been checked? If not, then I would suggest that the vet check that. Sometimes an overabundance of hormones in males who have not been neutered will cause them to bleed.

Post # 101
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

So i dunno if you’re looking for reassurance that you can get rid of him and it’ll be okay or if you’re looking for suggestions on how to get your Darling Husband to come round… Maybe he’s not used to having pets?

Id suggest keeping him inside only if he isn’t already. Confine him (and his sister if you’re worried about them being lonely) to a smaller part of the house like a spare room/laundry. And please look into alternative tests and treatments as the vet bee mentioned.

I’m not saying it’s fun to be cleaning that up everyday but I don’t think that sending back the unhealthy sibling is the right thing to do. Being brother and sister they likely have a very close bond and separately them would be very tough on them both.

Post # 102
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I agree with others saying confine your cat while waiting to figure out what the issue is. It’s sad and he may not like it, but if it can help him get better and let you keep him, it’ll be worth it. My Fiance and I adopted a dog who had heartworm. We continued her treatment at home and she had to basically be on bed rest for a month. This for a young, excitable pup was HARD. I just wanted her to be able to run around the yard and play with her toys, but I knew we had to do it. We fortunately had a spare room where we kept a crate with blankets, a toy, and water. We would let her out and sit with her for a while multiple times a day after work (still confined to the room, baby gate up to keep my other dog out.) We had to limit our time sitting with her because she would get excited and it was very important she didn’t. This is only one of many issues we’ve faced with our dogs. One of which was one dog getting thick, goopy, infected blood all over the house. All of these things were difficult to handle. It was sad, stressful, frustrating, but we never once considered giving either of our dogs up. We don’t think they’re *above* humans, but we adopted them and treat them as an equal part of the family. We got them the proper care no matter what it took, and now we have two healthy & happy dogs. We don’t have children, and I know that would definitely be an added stress, but there are ways to make it easier on yourself while trying to figure out the problem. Definitely quarantine for a bit.

Post # 103
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My dog is pretty healthy and just had his annual for his shots and general well being check. It was over $450. Aside from some shots he won’t get every year, I haven’t walked out of the vet spending less than $400 on his annual check up. Every. Year.

He’s 4 now, and it’s been suggested that to avoid periodontal disease, he have his teeth cleaned. I got an estimate. $450, give or take. And this is all preventative health.

My dad’s dog got pneumonia somehow. It was almost $2K to have her treated. She would have died otherwise, so he spent it.

You can talk about “financially privileged” all you want but the fact is that pets are NOT cheap. An animal behaviorist that we take our dog to doggie daycare with is very much a fan of, “can’t vet ’em, don’t get ’em.” Understand that at any given time, something could happen to your pets that will cost you A LOT of money. My dog could catch pneumonia, or break a bone, or develop cancer, or any and all of the above. But I made a commitment to that dog, and I know the costs could be high. Consider pet insurance, or look at other options, but this is generally a known thing among pet owners. Your Darling Husband doesn’t want to spend all of $1200 to test your cat that’s shitting blood? Boy, bye. 

For the record, I’m not actually suggesting you leave your husband and it’s a little too late now but you should have been on the same page about the pet when you got him. My Darling Husband knows that I would move mountains for my dog if necessary and he is completely on board. Had he not been, I’d have either made serious decisions about our relationship, or not gotten the dog. But pets are not cheap, and typically will cost a ton over their lifetime, even when generally healthy. It’s my personal opinion that if you aren’t willing to put in the money, time, and effort it will take to keep the pet alive and healthy (within reason, assuming there are options, which in this case, there are) then you just shouldn’t have pets. It sucks that it seems like you’ve bonded with the cat and your husband hasn’t, but there have been multiple suggestions that bees have made that could be cheaper, or at least avoid all the repeat tests, and the quarantine could help for now as well, for your own sanity. Please look into the vet bee’s suggestion.

Also, the bees saying that the cat should be “put down,” you’re entitled to your opinions. I’m entitled to mine. You should not own pets. Please do future animals a favor and let them be adopted to other people who will cherish them.

Post # 104
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Your human toddler has a right to live in a home that isn’t routinely fouled by bloody animal stool.

I’m sure you’re doing your best with cleaning, but it’s extremely difficult to remove fecal bateria from porous surfaces unless you’re using a disinfectant as instructed. 

I’m with husband. I wouldn’t let my child visit a home under these circumstances, so I certainly wouldn’t expect my spouse to be okay with raising a child in that situation. Kitty would have to go back. 



Post # 105
10463 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

mrsbjj17 :  

One of the biggest reasons I married my Dh is that he places the same value on my dogs as I do.  The saga of the German Shepherd pup who needed heart surgery I posted above was something I went through while I was still married to my ex.  That meant, I was on my own.  He didn’t oppose me, but he didn’t really participate either.  He was big on the emotional theatrics, but very short on actual truth.

There is not a snowball’s chance that Dh would have allowed me to go through that alone.  He would have taken the time away from work to go with me to every single vet visit.  He takes wonderful care of our dogs.

Part deux of that saga is about our other German Shepherd pup who we were raising at the same time.  I don’t recommend this.  Long story on that one.  They were totally unrelated, different lines.  Anyway, I had our little girl X-rayed at six months, as is my practice.  She had terrible hips.

So, I plunked down another $2600 for a TPO.  Fortunately, you only have to do one hip.  At one of her follow up visits the vet said:  You gave her a life.

She was a really happy, active little girl.  She eventually decided she was my current dh’s dog.

We still have German Shepherds.  The current posse has been super healthy thus far.  Let’s hope.

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