- 5 years ago
So I’ve been being treated for the last 6+ months for major depression and ADD. I have had frequent appointments with my primary care doctor to monitor my weight, side effects from medication, and just general well-being. I have lost a lot of weight in the last year – the first 40 pounds deliberately last spring and early summer, and the last 20 this fall and winter due to depression, medication, cutting back on intake due to being unable to run from a knee injury and being more depressed about not being able to run. But I’m not trying to lose weight, I don’t think I am fat or want to fit into smaller pants or whatever. I’m not making myself sick or starving myself on purpose.
So today at my appointment with my primary care doctor, he told me that Darling Husband called the office asking to speak with my doctor because he is concerned with my weight and doesn’t think i should be on medication. Darling Husband specifically asked them not to tell me that he had called because I would get upset. The doctor had the receptionist call back and explain that he needed my consent to speak with Darling Husband.
the backstory –
Darling Husband has been concerned because I have continued to lose weight and i’m at the very low end of healthy, but not underwieight. He and my parents have decided that I currently have an eating disorder because I used to have one, so that must be how I lost the weight.
They specifically said that they don’t think that depression can cause weightloss or believe that my medications have had an impact on my appetite or nausea. (I’ve been on stimulant ADD medication for several months, plus 2 different anti-depressants that made me nauseas and sick to my stomach for days on end until I stopped taking them.
This is after an AWFUL last week, when my parents berated me for using medication as an excuse to cover up my eating disorder, and that if I would just get 8 hours of sleep at night and eat 3 square meals, I would be just fine. Then they called Darling Husband after specifically telling me the hadn’t/wouldn’t talk to him without telling me. Darling Husband then lost it one morning and told me how shitty I am for dumping so much responsibility on him while I’m “depressed”, and what about him and his worries, and just “fucking eat something already”.
Once things calmed down, Darling Husband and I did talk. I listened to his concerns and we had a good talk. Then I expressed how frustrated and hurt I was that he and my parents were talking behind my back about me and that my parents speciifically lied to me. I said that I was a big girl, I was not stupid, and that I am getting help. If my parents or he had concerns about me, they should discuss them with me since I’m a big girl and I can talk maturely with them.
I understand the concern, but they are all totally refusing to listen to me or my doctor (who has seen me about once a week for the last 6 months and has taken my after hours calls when I was wanting to kill myself or cut myself). I have tried to explain that my priority is my depression – if I actually got to the point where I wanted to wake up the following day, maybe I would be able to sleep and eat better and my weight would stabilize.
Anyway… right now I am fuming. I haven’t told Darling Husband that I know he called the doctor since I was hoping that he would tell me himself. He fell asleep already, so I’m going to say something tomorrow.
I don’t want to prove him right and end up over reacting or getting really mad, but I want to let him know that this wasn’t the way to go about it. Instead of asking my doctor to talk to him, he should have asked me to speak with my doctor. I would have been open to that an invited him to my next appointment. I would love for him to hear first hand from my doctor everything I have been trying to tell him for months.