Post # 32
@MrsCE: “I’m not sure how they know Mother-In-Law talks about them“
I was wondering the exact same thing. My parents are divorced and I maintain a strict “never tell about the other policy”. And I mean strict. I never tell my parents anything about what the other one does or says. The only time I have ever told my father *anything* about my mother’s life was informing him that her mother (his ex-MIL) had died.
If things recover, your Darling Husband needs to do the same thing. Mother-In-Law wants to talk cr*p about Father-In-Law – let her vent. But don’t say Father-In-Law is a good person or a bad person. Say nothing. And certainly relay none of this back to Father-In-Law. It’s none of FIL’s business if Mother-In-Law talks about him or whether or not Darling Husband defends him. If Father-In-Law asks, deflect the question.
(And if Darling Husband isn’t saying anything, then perhaps it’s his brother. Darling Husband needs to talk to his brother and maintain the same “no tell” policy).
For now, Darling Husband needs to keep reaching out to his father, and being patient. But no mention of his father’s ex, ever.
Post # 33
@Asia: I think you’re right that they probably won’t want to go to counseling with Darling Husband. I’m not sure if Darling Husband will agree to a psychologist though.
I also think you’re right about me seeing someone. Right now I’m so angry at his mom, dad and SM but I’m trying not to show these emotions and I’m just trying to be there for him and do what he needs me to do. I think talking to someone would help me sort through those so that I’m able to approach this in a way that is helpful to Darling Husband. Thank you for your advice. I’m going to bring up seeing a psychologist tonight but I’m not sure how Darling Husband will react to it.
@paula1248: Darling Husband has never brought up the things Mother-In-Law says before so I have no idea why SM kept pushing. When she was on the phone with me she kept talking about how my parents don’t like them and it was obviously that Mother-In-Law was telling them lies. I told her this is simply untrue because Mother-In-Law has had dinner with them once and Darling Husband and I were both there and she was perfectly pleasant. When Darling Husband was on the phone SM kept telling him that Mother-In-Law must be telling lies to me and he told her that she doesn’t (and she truly never has) at which point SM kept pushing and asking if she ever said anything to Darling Husband. DH finally admitted that she did and SM grasped on that and used that to tell him that Darling Husband shouldn’t see his mom anymore. I know Darling Husband shouldn’t have even admitted to that but I have no idea where she even got the idea that Mother-In-Law talks about them so much. Like a PP said, it almost seems that they are obsessed with what Mother-In-Law is doing. I will ask Darling Husband to speak to his brother though about not bringing Mother-In-Law up to them just in case but I’m pretty sure SM was just looking for reasons to be angry.
We also counted all the pictures last night and there are no more pictures of Mother-In-Law than there are of Father-In-Law and SM. This is apparently the whole reason they got so angry this weekend. I again think they were just grasping at straws to find something to be angry about. I’m just not sure why they are so determined to be angry with us.
I agree that it’s none of Father-In-Law business if Mother-In-Law talks about him to Darling Husband. It doesn’t change DH’s opinion of him, however, I do think it’s wrong that Mother-In-Law does this. I’m sick of both of them putting him in the middle. He has put up with it for ten years and it all seems to bounce off of him so easily but i know that it does upset him. I would like this to stop because I don’t want to deal with being in the middle but as it’s his family I don’t want to overstep into his territory.