(Closed) DH’s Friend Wants to Spend the Summer with Us

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I would make it clear that you have your own schedules and if you allow him to come for 3 months on an extended visit I would also expect that you would adjust your schedule slightly such as including him on Sat nights or for dinners.   I think you will find you will fall into your own schedule after 2 weeks and it will work out. 

Post # 7
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Soooo….why does he want to come stay for the whole summer? I don’t think I quite understand why a grown man wants to come live with his newly married friends for an entire summer. Are there some extenuating circumstances that you left out of your post?

Post # 9
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Bubu82:  I agree.

I don’t know, I mean it could work out and be fun but on the other hand I can see him being a third wheel. Also, summers are fun because you and Darling Husband can finally get out of the house and do stuff on the weekends, weeknights, etc. and I feel like having a house guest the whole time could cramp your style. If you’re okay with it then go for it, but I guess I don’t see why a grown man would come live with you during the summer. Couldn’t he live at his parents house or rent his own apartment instead?

Post # 10
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@lefeymw:  I agree with this. 

I think I would not do this. Last year FI’s cousin stayed with us for over a month and I could not wait for him to leave. Maybe it was a combination of factors (he didn’t tell us he would be here that long, we live in a tiny place and really had no room for him, he wasn’t exactly considerate) but either way there is no way that I would have a friend stay in our house for that long again unless they really needed a place to stay and not just because it seemed like a fun thing to do. 

I think there is a huge difference between staying a week and staying 2-3 months. When his cousin came the first time (he was visiting from Australia and travelling all over North America) he was only with us for 3 days and was a great guest. He offered to help clean up and made sure to ask to use certain things. When he stayed for a month I guess he decided he lived here too so he just went about living like he normally does which didn’t work well for me at all. 

Post # 11
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Mrs. Gremmlin:  Okay, based on that – I’d say no to the whole summer. It’s not like there’s a problem at home that he needs to get away from. It’s more that he wants to take a three month vacation and stay in your home. Sorry, but I don’t think that’s acceptable, especially if you’re feeling this conflicted about it.

I also wanted to ask, have you ever had a houseguest stay for that long? It wears on you. It’s different from having a roommate. You feel more obligation toward a houseguest, and over time, that starts to get really old.

I’d say invite him to stay for a shorter duration (maybe two weeks?), and don’t feel bad about it.

I’ll say it again – I think it’s weird that he’s asking to stay for three months in the home of a couple who’ve been married for less than a year, for no reason other than he just wants to take an extended vacation from home.

Post # 12
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Well Darling Husband and I actually live with my best friend. So I guess the same situation? We don’t mind it, but she does pay us rent.

If your friend comes for 3 months, he needs to be paying 1/3 utilities etc and should pay some rent. I think if he doesn’t pay anything you’ll resent it. And yes, an additional person does use a lot of electicity (daily showers, etc).

Post # 15
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Honestly, I probably wouldn’t commit to an entire summer. I’d say a month TOPS (I’d be more comfortable with 2 weeks, personally). A week is one thing but 2-3 months is a totally separate issue. I think by the end of the summer, you are going to be pulling your hair out. Living with newlyweds for that amount of time… it’s pretty inevitable that he’s going to become a hassle and a third wheel at some point.

You guys seem like you all get along great and I don’t know that I would want to chance straining a good friendship in case he overstays his welcome.

Post # 15
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Mrs. Gremmlin: That’s the thing, his cousin didn’t absolutely need to stay with us. FI’s whole family lives here yet he decided to stay with us because he feels closest to Fiance even though we have no space for a guest (he slept on the couch the whole time).

If you’re not ok with him coming on all of your planned activities then don’t do this. We had NO time to ourselves, everything that we got invited to his cousin tagged along for. It was like having an adult child that won’t leave you alone! LOL The only time we had any privacy was in the bathroom or our bedroom. 

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