(Closed) DH's good friend never gave us a gift….

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

I think you ought to give them the gift you intended to… etiquette-wise, people have up to a year after your wedding to give you a gift.  And, you never know, maybe giving them a gift will prompt him and his new wife to realize they forgot to get one for you.  If they end up never giving you a gift, then at least you played the better person.

Post # 4
Member
1033 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

You will never regret being the bigger person. That is good advice for this situation and for all of life’s other problems.

Post # 5
Member
5011 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

Give them a gift and be the bigger person. You don’t invite people to give you presents but to share your day with you.

Post # 6
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I didn’t get a gift from the majority of my bridesmaids and I actaully didn’t even think twice about it. I would get them the gift you wanted to get them and be the bigger person – perhaps not a huge cash gift but something you like for them from their registry. 

Post # 7
Member
890 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Not gonna lie, I would probably give them less gift then what I intended to, don’t kill me I am just being honest….but maybe he didn’t give you a gift cuz his wedding is so close to yours and they didn’t have any money?! But a card would of been nice.

Post # 8
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

@Blondee:  You shouldn’t give a gift based on what someone else gave you .  I base my gifts based on my closeness and feeling for the couple.

And they did give you a gift, they gave you the groomsmans time, he rented/bought/wore the outfit you told him to, he probably helped plan a bachelor party or something similar. 

They are not required to give you a gift, and a card isn’t a gift.  It is a form of correspondence. 

Post # 9
Member
56 posts
Worker bee

To be honest, I wouldn’t expect a gift from the members of the wedding party. They invested time in your wedding, and no doubt they spent $$$ on items. That is not to say you don’t deserve a gift.

Maybe money is tight considering that there was YOUR wedding and now the groomsman’s wedding is this month. He may give you a gift after his wedding once things settle down a bit and things are less stressful. I would just be gracious and give him a gift regardless. 

Post # 10
Member
1380 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I sent a gift for a recent wedding that will probably arrive a few weeks late. I just got distracted around the wedding day and underestimated the shipping time. (However I did bring a card to the actual wedding.) He may be super distracted by his own wedding and will still be sending you a gift when things settle down a bit. Don’t get upset about this.

Post # 11
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My fiance is an idiot when it comes to wedding gifts (just telling it like it is haha).  I wouldn’t be surprised if the guy just had no idea that he is expected to give a gift.  I’ve known plenty of guys that basically just completely forgot that weddings involve gifts (weird but true).  

I would give the gift.  And technically people have a year to give you a gift after your wedding.  So perhaps after you send them a gift, he’ll realize, “Hey. Maybe I should have sent them a gift.”  And hopefully he’ll say that to his wife and she’ll say, “You didn’t send a gift?! Get on that right now!” ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 12
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

@JessesGirl:  So well put! OP, I think it’s tempting to be petty, and I certainly understand wanting to give less or even skip the gift entirely. I would totally fantasize about doing that! But ultimately, this is an opportunity to do a wonderful thing that you can take ownership of, and I think that would be more satisfying than skimping on their gift.

Post # 13
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I agree with the other bees that said to be the bigger person and gift them regardless of their lack of gift to you. I think it’s alot more understandable when a bridal party member doesn’t give a gift since they tend to do so much more to help with the wedding. At the same time I understand your desire to gift less, and even gifting less then you originally intended is still being the bigger person by giving any gift at this point. 

Post # 14
Member
3082 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Maybe I’m different but I would definitely give them less of a gift. Not even a card? That’s ridiculous. Just give them the gift of your presence, like they did for you. 

Post # 16
Member
1033 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Mrs. Parasol:  Thanks, it is seriously the best advice I have ever received and given. It’s easy to get hurt feelings and want to be petty but two wrongs have never made a right.

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