Post # 1
So, Mother-In-Law came over to our new place yesterday so she could see it. Everything was going well and then she proceeded to ask us when we were planning on having children. I still have 5 years of school left and Darling Husband has 2. Darling Husband and I have discussed future baby plans and have decided that we would like to try for a baby in about 2.5 years. We want to make sure we can financially provide for our child when we decide to start TTC. Darling Husband and I told her this and she flipped out! She told us that we need to have a baby within a year and that we are married so there really is no reason to not start trying for one. Every example we gave her, she had a response.
Me- We wouldn’t be able to afford day care
Her- God will take care of it
Me- We only have one bedroom, we can’t afford anything more.
Her- God will provide for you.
Darling Husband was telling me that he has never seen his mom like this before. She already has another grandchild so it’s not like she’s eager to have her first. She also proceeded to try and scare me into having a baby. She would say things like” the longer you wait, the less likely you can get pregnant” and ” You will grow to be depressed without children”, “You want to have children young so they take care of you when you are older, otherwise no one will take care of you”.
So bees, tell me that I am not wrong in choosing to wait until we are financially ready to have a baby. Tell me it’s ok to wait so we can enjoy each other more. I just feel so down and like I am doing something wrong in waiting. Any other bees experience anything like this?
Post # 3
I would tell her, I have my own plan in mind, if God wants me to have children earlier, He will make it so.
And no, I think what your plan is makes perfect sense.
Post # 4
@Tswife4ever: God will provide – he already has. So she’s right on that point.
He gave you the brains to realize that right now is not the *ideal* time for you to have a child. He gave you a brain to look ahead and realize that you will be better prepared financially, mentally, and emotionally, in a few years.
Tell her that while you appreciate her concern, you and your Darling Husband will do what is best for the two of you.
Post # 5
@pinkshoes: Good response.
Don’t let her pressure you into doing anything. My mom constantly harped on us to have a baby until I finally told her she needed to cool it and we were doing it on our own timeline. She doesn’t know what’s best for the two of you…only you do. So do it when it’s right for each of you.
Post # 5
I am sorry your Mother-In-Law is being difficult! You have to stick to your guns, because having a baby before you are ready is not fun for anyone. You don’t want to be stressing about space/finances if you don’t have to be. Your baby deserves parents who are ready, and can provide for it! From now on, I would refuse to engage in any discussion with your Mother-In-Law about it. Simply state “Our timetable for having children is not up for debate or discussion. Period.” I hope she lays off you guys for a while!
Post # 6
Just because you have kids young doesn’t mean they’ll take care of you.
Have kids when you are ready, not in a stressful situation brought on by Mother-In-Law.
Post # 7
I opened up your post thinking “everyone’s mom does that!” but the God bit is extra annoying. Maybe try: “Well, I will wait until God does provide before we take steps to change our plans. I wouldn’t want to go against his wishes and right now he’s saying wait to me.”
Too bad you can’t just say, “Unless by God you mean you, and you are gifting us with a new house, then we will wait.” (I wouldn’t, in case she does offer money and you are not ready yet to have kids.) Or “Oh, I thought we got married to have sex at your home.” Tempting, but better not…
Post # 8
Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain.
Just state your decision, and do not respond to any question, demand, anything. Just simply repeat and say “Thanks for your input, we have made our decision”
Everytime you do any of the above you leave the door open for her to give more input.
Post # 9
Would she back off if you had conception problems? If so, I would suddenly develop some. “Oh, we have been trying, but nothing so far! I guess God doesn’t want us to have kids yet.”
Or just tell her she is right and you will start trying. And then you just don’t get pregnant for a while.
Post # 10
@lefeymw: agreed 1000%
Also, I had my child young. God isn’t going to pay your rent or buy your baby clothes, trust me.
Post # 11
@lefeymw: I’m going to tuck that away. I would be stunned if someone, even a family member, tried to push us to have a baby. I’m not sure I would have known what to say!
Post # 12
“Hi, is this your uterus? Is it? No? Then STFU.”
I really hate all the “God will provide” BS that some people use to meddle in the business of others. God is not a crutch. You have to meet him halfway by making sensible decisions.
It’s like the old joke of a man praying repeatedly to God to let him win the lottery. One day God appears to the man and says, “I’d be happy to oblige, if you would only buy a ticket!”
Post # 14
@linguo42: You have to meet him halfway by making sensible decisions.
Post # 15
@linguo42: Reminds me of the overused but very relevant joke… a guy’s boat sinks and he’s stranded in the ocean. A boat passes, asks if he needs help, guy says, “No, God will save me.” A rescue plane comes by, guy responds the same. Guy dies, goes to heaven, and asks God, “Why didn’t you save me?” God says, “I tried, I sent you a boat and a plane.”
OP, I do think that God will provide but he gave us common sense for a reason too… I agree with PPs, just tell her it’s your decision and it’s final.
@kay01: I opened up the post thinking, “What mom would do something like that??” lol. I’m glad my mom and Future Mother-In-Law would never say that to me!