Post # 16
Gosh, I wish I had an answer for you. The truth is, I think every person is different in what they need. I totally understand your fiancé thinking he can fix his problems on his own. I felt that way too because I studied psychology in undergrad and had been educated on anxiety. I thought I knew how to do it on my own without help.
I think if there is a way you can gently point out specific times the anxiety has hindered him, or has made things difficult for you, it might help him see that it’s a bigger issue that needs to be worked on. I was highly encouraged to seek counseling by my fiancé, although I will admit that it was my idea first. I know thats what my fiancé did and I found it helpful knowing that I wasn’t just crazy and that he was also able to recognize that there was a problem.
However, whatever works for me may not work for your fiancé. I think being as loving and supportive as you can be is the most important thing. I can definitely feel as if I’m a burden to my fiancé from time to time and it takes a lot to remember that he’s just here to help me when I need it. Continue to be patient and hopefully he will be able to agree to seeing a counselor at some point in time.
The two main reasons someone goes to counseling in the first place is either because they know it’s distressing to themselves, or to someone else.
Post # 17
I have GAD, PTSD & clinical depression. Diagnosed within the last 14 months.
At first, I was ‘ashamed’ but I’ve realized that it’s nothing to be ashamed or quiet about- it may be ‘invisible’ but it doesn’t make the pain any less real. Plus, I was hit by lightning, so people still ask me quite often how I’m doing/ what the aftermath of that is like, and I’m very open about the mental repercussions.
Something I wasn’t prepared for was how annoyed I would become with people saying ‘oh I’m depressed all the time, but you just have to be positive’ as though it’s a choice!!! Or lots of people telling me my anxiety will go away one the wedding is over – um no, my GAD was diagnosed prior to my engagement.
Also, hopefully you will be better than me at this, but I find it infuriating when people ‘self diagnose’.
Post # 18
Oh hunny… You are not alone. Take a big deep breath and remind yourself of that if you start to feel anxious about being diagnosed. First applaud yourself for doing the right thing of seeing a counselor and having the guts to hit it head on. There are so many people in the world that shy away from medical care of any sort let alone mental health. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression in my early teens. Battled sever depression and suicide. I have been in and out of therapy my entire life since and have done medications when needed. I just started therapy again this month because I was noticing my anxiety was getting the best of me again. Talk therapy is the biggest helper for me. I don’t like the medication because of the side effects but if I hit a depression it is needed to rebalance me. I have been through a lot with my hormones over the years due to endometriosis so I think that has always been a large factor for me. Having a diagnosis of anything is never something to be ashamed of and if someone in your life ever makes you feel that way without apologizing and understanding the hurt that causes then distance yourself. Our society is so quick to shame others for being different when in reality everyone has something! I also do hypnotherapy at times to help me manage my anxiety and other issues related to it. I wish you the best with your journey!
Post # 19
Holy cow, you were hit by lightening!? That’s insane! I can definitely see what you mean when people try to relate to you and give you advice. Before I was officially diagnosed, I told my mom I feared that I might meet the criteria of GAD and explained what it was to her as best as I could. She tried her hardest to relate and be helpful, but it just came out as “I get anxious all the time too. Can’t you just tell yourself that your anxiety is irrational and move on from what’s got you worried at the time?”
I’m always like, gee what a brilliant idea! I wish I would have thought of that sooner! But of course she means well, she just doesn’t know what to say sometimes.
Post # 20
Thank you so much for reaching out to me, that means so much. I am so sorry to hear that you’ve had quite the battle, but I’m so happy to hear that you’ve gotten help when you need it the most.
Post # 21
Haven’t read the other replies; I’m sure they have lots of useful suggestions. Just wanted to say that many counselors don’t like giving a diagnosis as much as clients don’t like receiving them. 99% of it is so we can reimbursed from your insurance company.
Post # 22
I have horrible social anxiety. I was never “officially diagnosed” but in recent years, I began googling/reading things, and I now know without a doubt of what plagues me. It’s always sort of been my ‘big secret’ because, well, social anxiety. I’ve only slowly began opening up to people about it, I’ve had this all my life. I remember distinctly coming home from elementary-middle school, and crying in the shower so nobody could see or hear me, because I felt like an alien in the world. Why was it so hard for me to make it through a day when everyone else just floats through, almost effortlessly? The worst part, is at the time, I didn’t know what was ‘wrong’ with me, I couldn’t even explain or understand it myself, how was I supposed to explain it to somebody else? Where was I supposed to turn? I have since learned on my own what my triggers are (so to speak) I’ve built up a plethora of emergency reasons to excuse myself from social interactions when I feel the anxiety coming on, and I’m also looking into professional help or counseling now. Honestly, I would look at it as something of a blessing if I were you, because at least you KNOW what it is that’s wrong, do you get what I mean? There’s such a loss of power and no control when you don’t even know what an issue really is. Now that I know what’s wrong with me personally, for the first time, though I’m not over this, I feel a sense of strength, of control. I know what is wrong with me, I can now educate myself on it instead of blindly stumbling around in the dark and suffering. Even IF the rest of the world doesn’t understand or respect the battles I face literally daily, I sort of consider myself a strong person because I know that I truly do have a mental illness, that it is VERY real, and I validate my emotions instead of beating myself up over this “weakness” or “flaw”. I didn’t choose this- instead I choose to not let it control me, and I choose to learn how to better live with what is apparently an unavoidable part of me. I am also not an alien, millions of other people also have social anxiety, just as they do GAD. Keep your chin up, this will make you a stronger, more empathetic person in the long run. Acknowledge and accept that this is not YOU, it’s just a thing that sits WITH you, for now.
Post # 23
I also have GAD. When I was first diagnosed I felt a little like you do – ashamed/upset and then I got annoyed with myself (it is so typically me to be anxious about EVERYTHING rather than one specific thing!!!) I went through some cognitive behavioural therapy and remain on a low dose of anti anxiety meds to this day. I find self care is very very important – yoga, hot baths, ‘nothing’ days (where I give myself permission to do literally nothing but watch tv, eat and nap), talking to friends and bullet journalling have all been really helpful. I do still beat myself up over a lot of things, almost constantly – it’s something that therapy or medication has not helped with, so I’m trying some stratgies from yoga to help.
Be kind to yourself is my best advice.
Post # 24
I’ve been pretty sure I have this for years. I would actually love a proper diagnosis but I can’t bring myself to go to the psychologist… I may work up to it soon. Trouble is that’s exactly the kind of thing I have trouble with! Can I ask, did you get a diagnosis on your first visit?
Post # 25
Would you think someone else was a failure for having to go on anxiety meds? Show yourself some kindness! It is not weak to take medication – what would be weak is to avoid the problem and just hope it goes away, or use unhealthy coping mechanisms. You’re being proactive and that deserves congratulations!
Post # 26
Welcome to the club. I think more people have GAD than don’t, and I am one who does. With the way this world is and how fast things move, it is a marvel people aren’t fainting in the streets.
Ativan is great.
Post # 27
This is a good read on anxiety. After reading it I have decided to start massage therapy to see if it helps.
Living With Anxiety – Important New Insights
Post # 28
I did get my diagnosis on my first visit. This totally surprised me because I had heard that it takes a few to properly diagnose someone. So when he gave me the diagnosis at the end of the first session, I was shocked. He said the fact that I presented the signs so clearly and didn’t hesitate when answering questions, he didn’t need to wait multiple sessions in.
Post # 29
So nice to read about someone else who suffers from GAD take “nothing” days. They are revitalizing and personally, my best days.
Post # 30
Oh we have an Anxiety Club here! Cool!
I’m 35 officially diagnosed at 21. CBT helped me cope with the anxiety for years (21-25) but somatic/body psychotherapy pretty much cured me. It’s a bit ‘out there’ and I had to pay for most of it out of pocket but it totally changed my life. No more social anxiety, no more GAD, no more panic attacks. I also found out that if I do a daily 15 minute seated meditation it helps tremendously. Yoga and craniosacral massages also help calm down my nervous system.
You’ll find what works for you Bee. Be open to try new things (I know, I know) and you’ll find a path that works for you!