Post # 1
So FI told me that we can buy my ring in a month… And he knows I want a $2,200 setting. He wants me to be happy with the ring so he is fine with it. But he thinks he can buy a 1.5 ct round brilliant for less than 3k. Which isn’t going to happen. Now I don’t care about the size of the diamond (to fit the setting it needs to be .5 to 1.5 ct though) so much as the quality. When it comes time I’m going to give him the diamond criteria I’ve come up with and set him loose to purchase the stone and ring and then hide it away until he gets his chance to propose (The reason I didn’t have a ring yet is because I was the one who proposed). But I pose this question to the bee:
Do I tell him now that his diamond pricing expectations are bogus or do I let him figure it out on his own?
I’m torn because I don’t want to sound like a materialistic psycho by telling him he is going to have to spend more to get me a huge rock (He got the idea that 1.5 ct was the right size from his mother not me). But if I tell him I want a smaller diamond he is going think I’m just downplaying things and will feel guilty for not meeting the expectations he thinks I’m hiding from him, resulting in him spending more money than necessary. (I love him to death but his ego makes him do stupid things.) On the other hand I don’t really want him to walk into the jeweler to buy the ring and then come home and tell me he is pushing the ring purchase back more because he didn’t realize the real cost of cut diamonds.
If anyone cares my criteria are: Certification: GIA, Cut: Excellent (with no culet), Color: D-F, Symmetry: Very good to Excellent, Polish: Very Good to Excellent, Clarity: “eye clean” SI1 to VS2 no carbon inclusions (aka little black spots), Carat: Whatever fits in budget while metting the above criteria between .5 and 1.5 carat (which is the range of stone size for the setting.)
Post # 3
I would only tell him that it needs to be between .5-1.5 to fit the setting. I’d let him decide everything else.
Post # 4
I would warn him of how much it could be but tell him even 3/4 or 1 carat diamond would make you happy as long as its great quality. Btw, if you do give him certain specs to stay within, when it comes to color, he can go as low as F-G and it won’t be noticeable, and in clarity, SI1 should be eye-clean, otherwise it shouldn’t be graded SI1. If you tell him much higher grades, he might sacrifice size for one grade higher in those 2 categories, and trust me, there will be a difference in price, but not much of a difference in quality. Also mention to him that finding a great diamond is about having balance in all of the categories (the 4 C’s) and making sure it fits within your budget. I have a .73ct ideal plus hearts and arrows, SI1, F (graded by EGL USA). I’ve compared my diamond to many others and it is always sooo much brighter and whiter because of the great quality in all of the C’s. And the size is great too. Also, in my experience in the jewelry industry, GIA is very accurate, but EGL can also be accurate as long as it is in USA. And my schooling is through GIA so I’m definitely telling you the truth about that. Just tell him not to dismiss everything just from hearing specs first without getting a good look at it and a reputable jeweler’s help. Good luck and congrats!
Post # 5
I would ask him for his ideal budget and try to stay within his means. I had no idea what my SO thought about money wise and so I askEd the night before we first went looking. I was like “really…” When he gave me a ballpark. But took it and ran! LOL. We ended up spending about $8k over his original said budget… But because we changed to round vs cushion (which is what I thought I wanted) and for better quality. Boy was it stressful. **im waiting** lol
Post # 6
My opinion on this is that…
The more info a couple has the better.
IF you guys have a commitment to each other to marry… then the Engagement Process IMO should include research & going ring shopping together
It should be a decision that isn’t rushed… but taken with some time for rational thought
Personally, If I was in your shoes I’d start moving in that direction… be it thru sharing Diamond & Ring Info / Knowledge
OR I’d just start the process by going out ring browsing together… lots can be learned by looking (including YOU figuring out what type of ring you actually like / looks good on your ring.. cause there is a HUGE difference between seeing something on-line and on your finger… lots of times what you think you like, looks oodles different when you have it on)
Hope this helps,
PS… I VOTED – WARN HIM
But in reality, I think this is an exercise you should undertake together.
Post # 7
Yeah, I’d talk to him about it, just like, “Baby, I know this is the budget, but of course you know I want sparkle, so I would rather you try to get me (your levels) of quality, even if that means a smaller stone. Diamond prices are crazy!”
He may not understand that (most) women would much prefer a smaller high quality stone to a large cloudy one! I think it’s important to let him know that.
ETA: As TTR said, you could bring it up by browsing diamonds online (either somewhere like Blue Nile, or at the actual retailer depending where you are buying the setting/stone)
Post # 8
Also I forgot to mention that most diamonds have a culet because it is an extra facet to prevent the bottom from chipping (points like on princess, marquise and pear are much more susceptible to breakage and chipping). The culet shouldn’t be a deal breaker as long as its not large, but again if the cut is excellent or ideal, that means that the culet is not a concern because if it is too large, you could possibly see straight down into it and see a large hole and that means that light is leaking through the bottom. That is not a well cut diamond.
Post # 9
I’d definetly talk to him about it. Shops tend to take you for a ride if you have little diamond knowledge. The more he knows the better especially because you are already unofficially engaged anyway.
Post # 10
Send him over to Pricescope.com and have him do some research. In your criteria, you forgot one of the most important parts — the grading lab. If this kind of stuff is important to you, you should only buy GIA or AGS graded diamonds. Your color and clarity guidelines are meaningless otherwise.
Also, have you seen diamonds of different colors in person? For most people, D-F is overkill. G-H is usually considered the “best bang for the buck” range.
Post # 11
Typing your criteria into James Allen, the biggest stone you can get under 3k is 0.72 carat (and that’s not taking the HCA score into consideration, just going off of their “excellent” designation).
If you go up to H color, it goes up to 0.75 and if you go up to SI2 clarity, it goes up to 0.8.
(And for reference, as you said, the cheapest H SI2 diamond in the 1.5 carat range is 9k, with your specs it jumps to 12.5k)
Post # 12
I would at least tell him that you’d rather have a nicer stone than a bigger stone, just in case you give him the criteria and he’s stuck between compromising on the size (your preference) or the quality (sounds like that might be his/ his mom’s preference, if they’re set on 1.5 carats). I think it might be fair to give him your criteria and just let him know that you understand that, to find something in your price range, even a .5 stone might take a bit of hunting… I don’t know that I’d personally feel comfortable saying that he needs to raise his budget to get you a nicer stone, but hopefully this will at least open up a dialogue.
Post # 13
My FI had some pretty large (pun intended) expectations going in, based on what some other people told him (some flashy colleagues), and neither of us knew what that weight actually meant in terms of how it would look… but it became rather evident that the size he had been thinking looked like a giant children’s dress-up ring on my finger! We determined size by trying a whole bunch of them on my finger and then basing the number on how it looked, not the other way around.
As for finances, I really think it is best to let him figure that out. I think as it is a gift, the finances are the aspect I’d want to take charge of least, especially in terms of anything that could be taken as a hint to spend more. (However, you want to be able to tell him if you think (or know) a specific vendor is overcharging for an item, if you have a good idea of what the price should really be… what I did was let him discuss money with vendors, while I was next to them, happily louping away on the diamond in question, but right at the end of the negotiations, if he felt they went well and he was ready to buy, he’d then ask me what I thought of the price. And that gave me the chance to save him from a bad deal more than once.)
In general, I really think it tends to work out best when the fiance-to-be takes the lead on this, his proposal, and the fiancee-to-be helps out only when asked. If you’re marrying him you will have to trust him to take the lead on much more important matters in the future at times (and he, you… that’s one of the reasons I love man-gagement rings). This sets the beginning of that foundation, with something as small as a ring (and yet so imbued with significance!)
Plus, you never end up second-guessing a ring that the love of your life made the final decisions about, the way you would if it were you deciding on it. The fact that he chose it for you is what makes it perfect, always.
Post # 14
I think you need to let him know that the cut needs to be good to excellent first! to get a bigger stone for less i would def drop the color to a g or h they are very white, the d-e range are priced double, not worth the extra $$. I would def look at sI1’s also. Unless your willing to compromise on a few of your specs i don’t think you will get what you want bc in his budget I think your expectations are a little unrealistic but with the advice I gave above you can get a beautiful large stone in your price range.
Post # 15
I think you should sacrifice quality for size, your quality expectations are just too high. I upgraded from a very small high quality diamond (D colour etc) to a (more than twice the size) lower quality diamond (H colour, I1) and I am so much happier, I get far more compliments and no one has once noticed the tiny inclusion except the jeweller with a magnifying glass (I cant see it myself except when jeweller showed me magnified) or the colour down grade.
Unfortunatly you do need to stick within his budget what ever it is, you cant expect him to spend more just because you know it will cost more, if you want a bigger and higher quality diamond maybe you should rethink the setting to allow more for the diamond.
Post # 16
+1 to uberclaire! Go to Pricescope.com and the good people there will set him straight. If he has his heart set on a 1.5 carat then perhaps Moissanite is the way to go. They are identical on a molecular level to diamond, and even a jeweler can’t easily tell one from the other. For the record I have Hearts and Arrows stones (so a super ideal cut) but in H and I colors and because of the excellent cut they are bright white to my eye. Another direction to go is a 5 stone or 3 stone ring. Smaller carat weight stones together on a band have LOTS O BLING factor at a fraction of the price of a single larger stone.