(Closed) Did any of you regret eloping?

posted 6 years ago in Elopement
  • poll: Do you regret your choice to elope?
    yes, wish I would have waited for family and friends to be there : (4 votes)
    17 %
    no, I am with the love of my life and couldn't be happier : (19 votes)
    83 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3471 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

    Is there anything stoppingyou from having an intimate JOP now, and a vow renewal/reception next summer? 

    Post # 5
    Member
    4313 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    We eloped, but it was planned out.  Like a full on elopment, just the two of us.  Dress, cake, flowers, everything – not just a JOP.  So no, I do not regret it, in fact we LOVE talking about our decision to elope.

     

    Most of us that wanted to elope usually do because that’s what we want.  I highly believe our marriage is about the 2 of us, and no one else, so I did not have a strong feeling about anyone being there to witness it.

    If you do… I would wait.  Good luck!

    Post # 6
    Member
    4951 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Nope, no regrets. It was perfect.

    Post # 7
    Member
    273 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I’ll tell you in 41 days! lol

    In all honesty MrN & I love each other and know we’ve finally found our 1 true soul mate (after many awful relationships), we’re not kids anymore and we know that as much as it’d be fun to have a party & celebrate with family we find the marriage more important SO we’re eloping on November 10th (original wedding date was 09/22/12 & pushed back to 06/01/2013 then 08/24/2013 both due to money and family issues).

    It’s just us & 3 couples (1 couple is our Maid/Matron of Honor & Bridesmaid or Best Man, other is our photographer/videographer & other is guests) and we couldn’t be happier with our decision. We haven’t told our families as we know they’ll guilt us majorly so we’ll tell them after, they’ll be mad but they’ll get over it & we’ll have a big party next summer.

    Post # 8
    Member
    6124 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I have eloped twice!  The first time was very uneventful (we hardly dressed up, went to county clerk’s office, went back to work afterwards).  I had the goal of redoing it all for family a few months later, but that never happened for various reasons.  So that day came and went and it was blah.  We did not do anything special.  I regretted that.  I missed the chance to make it special.

    Fast forward 10 years and I found love again!  I *thought* I should have a wedding this time around for various reasons.  Some were silly (my parents often FORGOT I was married so I thought if they SAW a wedding they would remember this time), some were logical.

    We ended up cancelling (father had terminal illness).  Again, my family was unable to travel even for smaller/family wedding, so in the end we eloped to a different country and made it our honeymoon.  I think if we had heard from our families, “Oh we so wish we could be there!  I want to see your wedding!” it may have been more of a struggle for us to choose to elope.  But we did not hear that at all, so it was almost too easy to choose elopement.

    It’s a little weird to tell people my mom/sisters have never seen me get married. 

    Our Plan B elopement was actually so spectacular and so special (we really treated ourselves) that I think in the end it turned out better than my “hopeful” plan.  I think it trumped anything else we could have come up with.  It was a real wedding – I had a lace wedding gown, bouquet (all things I did not have the first time), wedding cake.  My H wore a lovely suit and silver tie.  We had rings to exchange, a lovely location, fancy lodge.  It was planned out.

    So summary:
    A) first time I regretted it because we did not do anything special
    B) second time I did NOT regret it and highly recommend to anyone.

    If you do elope, do whatever you can to make it special because that is your one and only big day.  Even if you go away for one night and have a fancy dinner.  I highly recommend using a good photographer to document the day.

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    1186 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @KTGoots:  That’s great that you came to an agreement that you are happy about! 

    I didn’t regret our elopement at all. We made a special day of it.

    When I say “elope” I truly mean that nobody was invited.  We called one of DH’s coworkers a few days prior to be a witness and the photographer I hired is someone I never met before.  I take issue with use of the word “elope” when the couple invites a bunch of people.  That’s a courthouse wedding or an intimate wedding.

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    6124 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Congratulations on your decision!

     

    I agree, I don’t think it’s called eloping in this case – it’s an intimate wedding.

     

    I think if you need two guests legally to sign the marriage license and you happen to know both your witnesses or not know your witnesses, then I think it’s eloping.  In most cases you need 5 people present to make a wedding legal (officiant, couple, witnesses). 

    I don’t think it has to be a secret now days to qualify as elopement though.  That’s more for the old days.

     

    Maybe we need to call this board eloping and/or intimate weddings?

    http://www.intimateweddings.com

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    4951 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I agree! An intimate wedding and elopement are different! 😉

    We eloped. We had no friends or family there. Nobody knew about our plans. We told everyone after. 🙂 It was fun being sneaky! haha

    Post # 14
    Member
    348 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @KTGoots:  You and I have a lot in common! After getting engaged in summer 2011, we had hoped for a wedding date of 10.07.2012. But after doing some research, we quickly learned that this just wasn’t going to happen purely due to finances.  Bottom line: couldn’t afford to do a wedding (even the small, budget-conscious one we we’re thinking of) and knew that a year wouldn’t be enough time to save. So we unofficially pushed it back to October 2013. However, now we aren’t even sure if we’d be able to make that date happen — so our engagement is looking to be long and open-ended, which is super effing depressing.

    I contemplate eloping all the time. I swoon over the elopement stories on http://www.intimateweddings.com, and fanticize about how nice it would be to focus on just each other with no destractions that day.  Besides the money-saving factor and making the day exclusively about us… another huge thing that attracts me to eloping is to avoid the stress of juggling family schenanigans (my mom and dad are divorced and mom is remarried; and I absolutely can’t stand my FMIL!) — not having to worry about any of those elements on my wedding day would be SO NICE!!!

    The only thing that is stopping me is my mother and father’s dying wish to be there for me on that day.  I do have a super-awesome relationship with each my mom and my dad, and I have do have some strong reservations on them missing out.

    So I’m fence-sitting right now. This is my brain-cooking thought cycle:

    1. Decide that I can’t miss having my mom and dad there, and therefore tell myself to commit to the original plan of the intimate 25-person wedding of closest friends and family.

    2. Start planning such wedding.

    3. Quickly get frustrated when attempting to tackle all the elements of planning a party for this group of people.  Everything from trying to find a venue; deciding which wedding elements to include vs. exclude given that it’s so small; trying to make such wedding nonconvention (I hate cookie-cutter weddings!); and thinking about everything that can go wrong with Future Mother-In-Law and her antics, and the bad blood between my mom and dad; and other decision making that there’s no right answer to… all while watching the price tag get larger and larger.

    4. Hate the everything about the idea of having a wedding, and say “Eff this, we’re eloping!!!!”

    5. Start blissfully planning elopement, and love everything about it.

    6. Wonder and agonize over the likely regret of not having mom and dad there.

    7. Return to Step 1. Repeat at least twice per week; go insane.

     

    Good luck! Let us know what happens!!!!

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