(Closed) Did any of your family/ friends criticize your choice to have a secular wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Secular
Post # 32
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

FI’s father keeps asking and I think we will have a pastor, but our ceremony will more than likely be completely secular. Minus the one mention of the 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 verse about what love is. Even though it’s a religious text, I think it is the most beautiful description of what real love is. So we’ll probably include that, plus my Fiance is a Christian.

Post # 33
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Three days before the wedding and FI’s aunt (who is uber religious…like to the point that it’s scary) is having “daily panic attacks” because we don’t be “united by the lord”. She’s known for a year that this was how it wsa going to be and my parents accepted it as such (and they’re devout catholics), so I’m a bit peeved that she’s getting so up in arms about it – THREE DAYS BEFORE.

Oh well.

Post # 34
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

We had a secular wedding and I’m pretty sure my ILs were not happy about it. My family is [mostly] secular (my step-dad married us), so my side wasn’t a big deal. When we told ILs that stepdad was marrying us outside, I could just see that they were disappointed. Unfortunately, in planning a wedding, you have a lot of feelings and opinions to deal with and not everyone gets what they want. The most important thing is that YOU get what you want. Darling Husband and I are atheists, and although it may have been easier to just go along with the Christian “norm”, we felt that starting a marriage as hypocrites was disturbing. 

Post # 35
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My dad’s wife complained that “God wasn’t in the ceremony” to my mother-in-law right after our ceremony was over when my MiL approached her to talk about how beautiful everything was.  All the other 150 people couldn’t stop talking about the beauty of the ceremony, how touched they were, how they never cry at weddings but cried at ours…we were married after 20+ years together because it just became legal in our state.  It’s bugging the heck out of me – not so much because she had that opinion about our “godless” ceremony,  but that she felt she had to blab this to my sweet Mother-In-Law at a time when she was ecstatic about her daughter and I finally realizing our dream.  In retrospect, I know she affected my dad’s frame of mind after the ceremony too.  People are entitled to their private opinions, but that’s how they should stay – private.  Fortunately, my Mother-In-Law didn’t let it get her down.  She only told us about it the week after the wedding so we wouldn’t be shocked if my dad or his wife said something to us.  I hope they don’t, but if they do I’ll just reiterate that we loved our ceremony and it’s what we wanted, then move the conversation along.  I’ll try to be the bigger person.   For gosh sakes, we had a prayer! We just didn’t utter the word “God”.  But after all, isn’t God love?

 

Post # 36
Member
4047 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I have not explicitedly told anyone religious on my side about having a secular ceremony. Those who do know are nonreligious themselves, and they love it.

My mother has a feeling it will be secular. She even tried to get my former youth pastor to do the ceremony as a surprise for me – but I shut that down and found my own celebrant quickly. She also mentions religious songs we should play and prayers and whatnot to do. I just don’t say anything, but my silence sends a message I think.

Honestly, I don’t want her to get so wrapped up in the label of my ceremony being secular that she can’t enjoy it. I keep her out of the loop so she can just sit back and appreciate it on the day and see that it is a beautiful ceremony – with or without a god.

But who knows. She might be shocked and throw a fit the day of. I just hope she has enough tact to keep her mouth shut if she is unhappy.

Post # 37
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Yes.  FH and I have been very open with everyone that we are having a secular wedding and FH’s grandmother and my great aunt are huge bible-thumpers.  Both have made many rude comments about us having a secular wedding.

My view on it though, is that anyone who has a problem with it or who doesn’t want to come because of it can just do that exactly… not show up.  I don’t want anyone there who doesn’t want to be there and I don’t want their negative religious comments bringing me down on our day.

Post # 37
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Both of our families are pretty indifferent about the issue. I’m Catholic and my fiance is an atheist and I insisted we have a secular ceremony, even though he said he’d be fine with a church wedding. All of our married siblings and his parents all had non-religious ceremonies. My mom and Dad are Pentecostal and Catholic respectively and actually had to have two different church ceremonies years apart because of “technicalities,” for lack of a better word; my mom told me we were better off not doing it in a church.

Post # 38
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

No one commented on the fact that our ceremony was entirely secular, and our guest list, small as it was, included quite a few religious people. We had Baptist, Catholic, Mormon, Muslim, and others among the 50ish people who attended our wedding, and I never heard a peep about how God was missing from the ceremony. I’m very grateful for that, but not surprised. I think everyone there knew us well enough to expect it!

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