(Closed) Did anyone and their FI choose to be celibate until after the wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

ehhh my Fiance and i have talked about it and kind of agreed to not have sex for the month before the wedding. the only real reason i would want to do it for longer is so that there is no risk of getting pregnant!! lol

i know other couples who did it for like a year, and they said it didn’t really make the wedding night any more special and that they actually have sex way less since getting married because they got out of the “routine” of having sex while engaged. :/

Post # 4
Member
13096 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

No – we didn’t.  It wasn’t that we couldn’t have had we wanted to but we really just didn’t see the point.  I personally don’t think it would have made our wedding night any more special.

Hell – we even jumped each other after we got back from the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding (before going to our separate hotel rooms for the night).  One last hurrah before we were husband and wife!

Post # 6
Member
3300 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Future_MrsReeves:  “I’m curious as to how you and your Fiance agreed to it. 

I’m assuming you’re not looking for advice from couples who decided to be celibate from the beginning of their relationship. Correct me if I’m wrong, though.

Post # 7
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Definitely NOT. Haha. We didn’t feel like we were missing out on anything byt not waiting… and I don’t think it would’ve made the wedding night anymore special. To be honest, we were so damn tired by the end of the day, that we were lucky to do it at all 😉

Post # 10
Member
3300 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Future_MrsReeves:  I was just going to say that I think you should only do it if you’re 100% sure that you both definitely want to. It’s a big commitment (the longer the time frame, the bigger the commitment–trust me, lol) so if you have some specific personal reasons why this is important to you, then go for it. But I wouldn’t recommend undertaking abstinence with a “hey, we might as well so why not?” attitude because it’s not likely to last. Some would argue that if it’s not that important to you in the first place, then who cares if you eventually break the pact? To that I’d say, it’s better to not make a commitment (especially one to your future spouse) than make it and not take it seriously.

Post # 11
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Future_MrsReeves:  Haha – you would think you’d be gunnin’ to do it right away! And for some people, they probably are… but it was around 1:30am when we got back, and had something like 8-9 hours of sleep in the 2 days leading up to the wedding. Plus, we didn’t get to eat much while we were there, so not only was I exhausted but I was STARVING! Haha. All that stuff adds up for a pretty sleepy bride and groom!

Post # 12
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@Future_MrsReeves:  lol. I suggested this to my Fiance, and he just laughed. He is absolutely not on board 😛

Post # 13
Member
1123 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think you should do it if YOU are 100% sure you want to. You should NEVER have sex with someone when you don’t want to. You should never feel that you have to as well. He needs to get on board or get out the way

That being said, on a nicer side of me… Neither I nor my husband were vergins when we met. And no virgin activity in the first 3 years of our relationship. I didn’t just jump into bed with him but I did sleep with him once I realized I love him.

Towards the end of last year we started getting closer to our faith. And a couple months before the wedding I decided I did not want to nor would have sex again until marriage. My husband (FI at the time) wasn’t necessarily thrilled about it and the times before when I just brought it up thinking about it he would just blow it off. 

But when he saw that I was serious about it and was completely committed to it, he knew there was nothing he could do. He accepted it and truth be told there were some weak moments for the two months before the wedding night, but we did not have sex. We did a few times(I regretfully have to say this) do other things for eachother but we did not have full on sex. And I wouldn’t take that back for anything. Perhaps the weak moments but not the abstaining.

It brought us closer, with everything going on. It made us both frustrated but we went through it together and it built up for a pretty spectacular honeymoon. The wedding night, after having the wedding then driving 5 hours South to our cruise location on the same day, yeah the wedding night was pretty amazing. And our intimate life is right back to where it was before abstaining, just as fun and just as much.

If you don’t feel comfortable, don’t do it. Plain and simple. If you are serious about it sit down with him and tell him how you feel and be firm about it, let him have his say but don’t make it seem like it is minor, that you’re not that serious. Let him know you are serious.

 

Post # 15
Member
569 posts
Busy bee

@Future_MrsReeves:  i think i’m going to do this. even though we’ve already done it, i feel more and more like it is something special that’s meant to be shared between man and wife. and i want it to feel like something is different/ added to the relationship when we get married. i also feel like God intended the act for man and wife, now that i’ve experienced how amazing and special it is with the one!

Post # 16
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Future_MrsReeves:  we are waiting. It was a decision we made when we first started dating for religious reasons. Neither of us are virgins, but we wanted to wait and have that moment with each other as husband and wife. We have been together since last May and our wedding is in 6 months. So far, so good. 

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