Post # 1
Most of my (and my FI’s) friends and family have been appropriately interested in our engagement rings. Some have asked for specs and that’s fine. Only my FI’s mom flat out asked how much it cost. She was told (it was before I got the ring – now Fiance knows my feelings and we do not discuss the cost with anyone) and though she was speechless at the time, she then ran around proudly telling her friends and showing them photos, etc – including to people my Fiance and I have never met.
**I think most people would agree that it’s pretty rude to ask though, right?!**
My real concern is that my FI’s step mom has always done the taxes for everyone in the family – I think this is basically a non-negotiable. Since this was an expensive purchase, sales tax will need to be written off, so the price needs to be disclosed. She and my FI’s dad haven’t asked about the cost and my Fiance is actually under the impression that they might think it’s fake. It isn’t.
I think that the stepmom will lose her mind if she learns how much it cost and that she will be upset, even if she doesn’t react badly in front of my Fiance. More disconcerting – I think that she will discuss it with other family members. Part of my irritation with that scenario is because it’s none of her (or anyone else’s business) but the other part is that I feel that MY personal finances and speculation about my family’s financial status will be also discussed.
I’m offended by this possibility and I’m not quite sure what to do. Anyone have a similar issue with people asking about/knowing the cost of their ring?
Post # 2
sunshineno5: Pay for a service to do your taxes. Problem solved.
Post # 3
julies1949: MY taxes will be handled outside of this. I don’t think my Fiance feels like it’s an option and even if it’s brought up that both of our taxes will be done outside of the family, I think it will cause a lot of conflict.
Post # 4
Does your stepmom blab about your finances or about other people’s finances? Is she a certified tax preparer? If she’s professional, she should know to keep these money issues confidential. It sounds like you’re more bothered by how FI’s mom blabbed that info, and now you’re concerned for future disclosures.
How come you have to disclose the sales tax of the ring for annual tax purposes anyway? It’s not a business cost or anything. I’ve never had to file such complicated taxes!
Post # 5
sunshineno5: Taking charge of your own life is ALWAYS an option. If your Fiance wants to keep his life confidential from his stepmother, all he has to do is tell her that the two of you have decided to have your taxes done elsewhere.
Post # 6
Cause conflict? “Oh, sorry, we’ve already had our taxes prepared. Thanks for the offer, though.” They can argue as much as they want after that, but what’s done is done. Additionally, I’ve never had to declare tax paid on any significant purchase…
Post # 7
Any time someone asks the cost of my ring, the answer is “a lot”. End of story.
Post # 8
It’s rude to ask. It’s appropriate for stepmom\cpa to know if the tax write-off is legit.
And it’s absolutely, categorically, inconceivably rude for FI’s mom to blab the cost to others. Oh my word! She owes y’all more than an apology.
Post # 9
If you’re concerned she will blab about it now, you’ll have the same concerns and issues when you’re married and making decisions about money together. Either she’s trustworthy and someone you’re find with preparing your taxes, or she isn’t and he’s going to have to cut her out of doing his taxes soon anyway. Unless they are claiming him on their taxes he can just go do it on his own. I can’t imagine why they would make a big deal of it. If they would, I think you have to question why they need to have so much control/be so involved in his life in that way. I’m not really comfortable with friends/family knowing my financial business though so maybe I’m biased.
Post # 10
Why do you think the stepmom will lose her mind and be upset if she finds out the price of YOUR ring?
Post # 11
I did our taxes last year with itemized deductions and didn’t list my ring. Now, your ring may have cost significantly more than mine, but even a big purchase, like a car, I’ve never had to claim on my taxes. I live in the USA, not sure where you are from.
Post # 12
I’m really curious why you would write off the sales tax?
Post # 13
echomomm: I suppose you dont ‘have to’ but ignoring $5k for tax deductible purchase seems silly. And some of the documents needed to file will be in the stepmom’ possession, i.e. student loan info and a vehicle which is co-owned so documents go to their home.
craigslistgirl: She’s a CPA. I would call her a southern gossip…seemingly well meaning but still a little too personal like “Oh, I just hate that such and such is having money issues – she’s such a nice young lady. In prayer group, her mom told us she has to go to the laundromat because their washer broke,” or “We would have loved our son to date this girl we all met on the cruise. She was so bright and pretty. Her parents were very wealthy.”
MammaPants: lol – I’m pretty sassy so im sure that’ll come out of my mouth at some point -but I prob wouldn’t say that to my FI’s family! People already assume it was expensive…or in the stepmom/Dad’s case – a replica.
NFLwidow: I totally agree! I would never ask someone about something like the cost (or, quite frankly, if their stone was diamond, white sapphire, AG, moissie, etc) although I have discussed the “4 Cs” stats with close and friends and other bees.
Post # 14
annabanana85: I appreciate your reply and def agree its something which will need to be addressed. I guess I’m just trying to avoid it until 2017 when we are sharing taxes. 🙁
I feel really new to the family to be rocking the boat over something that seems like a given for everyone to participate.
Post # 15
I just thought I would post this about the sale tax part
Some states have options to write off state or local sales tax insted of income tax, or of you paid a city or states tax where you bought the item but live in another state.