(Closed) Did anyone ask the cost of your ring? Help – not sure what to do.

posted 4 years ago in Rings
  • poll: Has anyone asked how much your ring cost? *You can select multiple options*
    No - my friends and family know that's none of their business : (91 votes)
    43 %
    No - but I'm sure they would love to know. : (42 votes)
    20 %
    Yes - and I told them. : (21 votes)
    10 %
    Yes - and I refused to tell them (either politely or not) : (29 votes)
    14 %
    Yes - and I regret telling them : (5 votes)
    2 %
    You're overreacting - just tell the stepmom and move on with you life : (20 votes)
    9 %
    Other : (6 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    2699 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    sunshineno5:  don’t stress this. Take the tax deduction. If your stepmom buys a lot of jewelry she should have a pretty good idea what you spent. Even if she gossips a bit so what. In a short while she’ll be family, I would try to find this habit endearing….you’re going to be dealing with it a LONG time… As to her doing your joint taxes, my fil does ours…so what he’s family…I don’t love it, but it is what it is.

    Post # 32
    Member
    6444 posts
    Bee Keeper

    sunshineno5:  I think you’re a married gal, and you and your husband are adults and can do your own taxes….you can turbo tax.  I’ve been doing my own taxes since I was 18….not that hard

    Post # 35
    Member
    2699 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    sunshineno5:  if you’re not going to have the in house do your taxes when you’re married, and you expect to file together, then I would have your accountant do your fi taxes this year. If you’re going to make the break, might as well be now. If you’re going to have her do your married taxes, ignore it and move on 🙂

    Post # 36
    Member
    7904 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    sunshineno5:  is she going to be doing your taxes after you’re married? If so I would ask your fiance to have a serious talk with her about keeping your financial information confidential. My dad does our taxes (he’s a professional) and I know it would break his heart if I did them myself because it makes him feel needed….but he also doesn’t talk to anyone about our finances. If he did I wouldn’t use him even though he is my dad.  

    Post # 37
    Member
    672 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2016

    I was actually surprised by the number of my friends that flat out asked me how much my Fiance paid for my ring. I was so caught off guard when these very close friends asked me that I felt almost as if it would have been weird or rude NOT to tell them. I told them, but after the fact it felt kinda icky. I’ve never wanted to be one of those stuffy people that believes talking about money is “uncouth” because I feel it is such an important and obvious topic…but talking about the cost of what is basically the most special gift my man could give me…just feels really wrong. I’ve learned my lesson and if anyone asks again I’ll just say “enough to give me the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen.”

    Post # 38
    Member
    2455 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    If your Fiance pays her to do his taxes, he is a client and can request confidentiality.  If she breaks that and blabs, that’s a completely justifiable way to break it off with her.

    In any case, if she’s preparing his taxes, she is justified to know about the cost of the ring if your Fiance wants to claim it.  It’s funny that you claim it isn’t her business to know, but I would argue that as a CPA, it is 100% her business to know her client’s finances.

    Post # 39
    Member
    6444 posts
    Bee Keeper

    sunshineno5:  So do you plan on doing your taxes separately when you’re ACTUALLY married?  I don’t think that’s a wise avenue but that’s me.  You should really be talking to your Fiance about taxes and you doing them separately away from his family.  He’s a grown adult and can his own taxes…he’s not a child

    Post # 40
    Member
    509 posts
    Busy bee

    maymrswinks: 

    “enough to give me the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen.”

    That’s such a good idea for a response. I’m not even wearing my e-ring yet but a few friends know that he’s bought it – and two have outright asked what it costs.  I was so taken offguard that I answered without thinking and their shocked faces made me wish I’d kept my mouth shut. So I am going to borrow your line in future thank-you! 

    Sigh … mothers-in-law … why are they such a pain even when they’re lovely! I would suggest that your Fiance says to his mom something along the lines of “what I spent on the ring is my business and I’d rather no-one else knows how much it cost thanks Mom” and hopefully the direct approach will stop her gossiping. 

    Post # 41
    Member
    1890 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think that now would be a convenient time to break away from having family do his taxes; he can say “now that we’re getting married, we’ve decided to both do our taxes at H&R Block” or whatever.  It just seems like this situation is probably going to come up again. I personally would be very uncomfortable with my Mother-In-Law knowing all the ins and outs of our finances year to year, and if she was gossipy to boot? Forget it.

    Post # 42
    Member
    1167 posts
    Bumble bee

    I find this all hard to believe.  You’re at a tax disadvantage doing your taxes separately so I don’t believe that crap.  Second, itemized deduction of the taxes of a purchase that small does significantly affect your taxes.  for a purchase of $10k, even a 10% tax would be too small to significantly influence your write off.  Most significant household appliances are more than that and they’re not itemized. 

    She sounds like a bad accountant and you guys sound gullible.  Get a turbo tax and don’t fret.

    Post # 43
    Member
    16 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: January 2017

    MammaPants:  Ha ha I do the same and give them this cheeky smirky look just to make them more curious and make sure they know that I know what they’re thinking

    Post # 44
    Member
    1262 posts
    Bumble bee

    Why would she “lose her mind?”

    I side with PPs who said that it’s always an option to take control of your own life. Have the tax issue handled outside the family, if you think that it will be a problem to have it handled by this woman.

    Post # 45
    Member
    3867 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    sunshineno5:  Can’t you just disclose but ask her to keep that private? I mean, if you and your Fiance make your feelings known that you don’t want this gossiped about…and then she blabs and it becomes the topic of gossip, she looks like an ass. And further, I understand it makes you uncomfortable, but honestly, the types of people who gossip about the cost of a ring are going to gossip no matter what: they will either speculate and make assumptions or they will chatter with facts. I don’t feel like this is a situation you can get ahead of and I think you’re letting it stress you out unnecessarily.

    As for your poll question, I have had people ask me how much my ring was, but I always politely defer. I either say that I don’t know–and I don’t REALLY know, as I narrowed the rings down for Darling Husband but he added three upgrades, so I don’t know the final cost–or I jokingly call them nosy. My parents, siblings, and close friends have not asked–it’s always been extended family members on DH’s side, my manicurist, or a cashier at Target, etc.

    The topic ‘Did anyone ask the cost of your ring? Help – not sure what to do.’ is closed to new replies.

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