Post # 1
I’m 25 and I’ve been with my boyfriend for just over a year. We are both Christians and attend church regularly. I had always planned on waiting until marriage to have sex. I’ve dated a few guys over the years but nothing ever materialised. I started dating my boyfriend in October of last year and everything seemed to click. It didn’t take long for me to fall madly in love. He is truly the first guy that I’ve ever truly loved in that way.
We had been dating for around six months when I started to question my original plan of waiting until marriage. My boyfriend had sex in a previous relationship during college. I discussed my thoughts with my boyfriend and he was flattered but felt that we should keep on waiting. Over that time our intimacy increased substantially and we were sleeping over more. He seemed more open to us having sex but still had reservations.
We ended up having sex for the first time over the weekend. He planned the perfect date night. We went to a popular light display in our city along with dinner at our favorite restaurant. We came back to his house and watched a very sappy Christmas movie that was filmed near us. He kept making sure that I was truly ready. The whole experience was amazing and I feel more in love than ever before. The connection that took place was amazing and he said the sweetest things.
I suspect that he plans to propose right at Christmas or on a ski trip that we have planned between Christmas and New Years. I guess a part of me does kind of wish that we would’ve waited until he proposed or maybe even marriage. I will say that I don’t have any real regrets about how it happened and I’m happy that he’ll be my only partner.
1. Has anyone had such a change of heart in this area?
2. What contributed to your decision?
3. Did you notice a major change from being BF/GF to getting engaged and eventually married?
Post # 2
Yes, my husband and I changed our minds about waiting until marriage to have sex. We started dating at 18 and waited 4 years before we decided that while we were going to wait to get married we were fully committed to each other and did not want to wait to have sex any longer. No regrets about our decision.
Honestly, I did not feel any major or minor change in our relationship after getting engaged or getting married. We had been together for so long at that point (engaged after 7 years, married at 8 years) that it just felt like we formalized what we’d always known – that we were in this together, forever. Even when we moved in together (about 6 months before the wedding) it didn’t feel like a big change or major step in our relationship.
Post # 3
Yes, I’m not sure that D.H. had felt that way, but I had planned to wait until marriage when I was younger. D.H. and I started dating at 18 and knew pretty quickly that we were it for each other. Once I felt like we were fully committed to each other, I changed my mind about waiting and don’t have any regrets.
I didn’t notice a major change from BF/GF to engaged to married, but like hikingbride : we took our time (engaged at 7 years, married at 9 years). I did feel like we were “officially” family once we got married, which was lovely, even though I had felt that he was my family for many years.
Post # 4
I did not plan on waiting, so I can’t comment on that part but I can tell you that I didn’t really notice that much changed when we got engaged or even married. We were already living together, sharing expenses, etc so no big changes after enagement/marriage took place for us.
Post # 5
Like PP, I can’t really speak to the celibacy but I also didn’t notice much of a shift from dating to engaged to married. We were living together when we got engaged and had already discussed the fact that we were getting engaged within the next month or so. Only the actual proposal was a surprise. I suppose I was a bit more giddy than before at each of those transitions because I felt excited to proclaim to everyone that he was mine and I was his and we’d be together forever. Once the giddiness wore off life went back to normal. Though I still get a little thrill from hearing his new name (he changed his last name to mine).
Post # 6
I changed my mind on waiting, and in some ways I regret it. I wasn’t sure about the person I was with, but I went ahead anyway. I don’t regret having sex before I was married. I just regret that I didn’t wait for my FH. We decided on celebacy 3 months before the wedding. I was pretty over it about a month ago, but this weekend is the wedding, and I am now very excited we took some time off. I’ll let you know next week if it feels different. I think it will feel different for me, but not so much for FH.
Post # 7
maggie2020 : I grew up being told that I needed to save sex before marriage. I experienced a lot of unhealthy almost sex-shaming type comments over time but by the time I went to college I realized that these were not my own beliefs but instead other’s beliefs that were being forced on me. I consider myself very blessed that my story ended up the way it did because I would most definitely not recommend doing what I did. My Fiance and I met when I was 18 and he was 19. We fell in love VERY quickly and two weeks into the relationship he told me that he loved me and I felt the same way. We were inseperable and I knew from our first date that there was some sort of connection I’d never felt before. We had sex a few days after saying I love you (2-3 weeks total into our relationship) and to be honest I kind of freaked out about making such a big decision so quickly. I had been in numerous long-term relationships before that and had remained abstinate so it was a bit of a change. It worked out for us but if I could go back the only thing I would have changed was saving it for a special moment. Ours wasn’t very special. We were just home alone one afternoon when it happened. I think that for me this change of heart was learning to make my own decisions and honestly to take my own risks. I also feel as though I’d had a lot of built up sexual tension within myself that I wanted a release for. I also felt that I had found “my person” and because I felt that so strongly it somehow seemed justified? Again, this was super risky and would not recommend doing what I did. But here we are three years later and planning our wedding together. I think that being engaged has given me an increased since of security in our relationship which has allowed me to feel more vulnerable and relax in the comfort of knowing that he’s my partner forever. I’d imagine that will only grow when we get married. Someone asked him if it felt any different and he said that it didn’t really but that conversation got interrupeted and cut short before we could finish talking about it. Even though I will not be a virgin on my wedding night I am thankful that I saved it for my future husband because I feel like it’s something special that only we share (he has had two past relationships that were sexual and though he doesn’t necessarily regret it he says that if he knew that he’d meet me he would’ve probably saved it).
Post # 8
longtobee : I’m curious – why did you decide celibacy for three months prior to the wedding?
Post # 9
amongclouds : Honestly mostly because I still feel a lot of shame about having sex before marriage. It messed with my head pretty bad, and while my FH has been great about it, sex is just complicated for me. We are going to pursue therapy after the wedding. Prior to the wedding, however, we just decided not to add the extra pressure for me. It’s been pretty great for both of us and our relationship, but I’m ready to move on and get rid of the crimpling guilt that comes along with sex for me.
Post # 10
I always wanted to wait since I was a teenager. My first Fi was a Christian and also wanted to wait. We dated for 5 years and waiting was really, really hard! We’d never have managed it if we hadn’t been on the same page. We broke up horribly for unrelated reasons, and so I have always been glad that I didn’t sleep with him.
With my husband, he didn’t want to wait and had been married before. But he was willing to wait because it was what I wanted, which I was touched by. In the end, I waited until he’d proposed (which was pretty quickly – we were engaged after 11 months).
It was physically very good, but to be honest I found it a bit difficult mentally after so many years of planning to wait. I did feel some guilt and that I’d gone against my values. I also found that it was much better after we got married – it obviously made a mental difference to me and how free and secure I felt.
If I could go back and change things, I’m not sure what I’d do. I’m really glad that I did wait for the man who would be my husband at least.
Post # 11
hikingbride : Four years seems like a long time! It seems like you guys had some serious self control.
bumblebug : I can definitely understand the excitement associated with each transition. I’m so giddy after this weekend and I can only imagine how I’ll be after getting engaged and eventually married.
longtobee : Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! I’ve heard stories of couples taking a break before the wedding. I’ll be interested in knowing if you notice any major changes.
brideandblue : I can definitely relate to just knowing that he was the one. My boyfriend was definitely concerned with making the whole evening special. I feel like us being a bit older probably played a role in how it all worked out.
secondtimer18 : I think a bit of guilt is to be expected. I don’t have major regrets but I don’t think that it would’ve been the worst thing to have waited until the proposal.
Post # 12
I appreciate the replies. It’s always good to hear that others have had similar experiences.
Post # 13
Never changed my mind about waiting. It feels good knowing I stayed true to my morals on this.
Post # 14
jannigirl : Thanks for the reply. I don’t have any real regrets at this point. I do think that it wouldn’t have been terrible to have waited until the proposal.
Post # 15
We did, We rented an apartment together and told each other that we wanted to wait until we were married even though we live together and that lasted probably two months ha ha.