Did anyone change their mind about waiting?

posted 2 weeks ago in Intimacy
Post # 16
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

maggie2020 :  As far as waiting for the proposal goes… I mean sure, he hasn’t handed you a ring yet. But you are two people in love who plan to get married and are going to spend the rest of your loves together. That is what engagement is. I wasn’t raised the way you were and so maybe I am wrong, but I don’t get how a ring makes all the difference here. I think that perhaps you have some layer of guilt for not waiting until marriage, and now you’re upset that you didn’t at least wait for the next closest thing – a proposal. But Bee, you should focus on how happy you are in your relationship, not on your previously held childhood ideals. You did not make a mistake, and it does not matter that you aren’t formally engaged yet.

Post # 18
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

maggie2020 :  post wedding update: soooooooo different. Soooooo good. So totally happy we took a break. Not enough to say I wish I would have waited, but everything is aligned and there is no guilt or worry. I think its too early to say if our relationship feels different because of the post wedding high. Hubby says its no different. The jury is still out for me. 

Post # 19
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

No comment on the saving yourself for marriage issue, but I actually think there is a pretty significant difference post-marriage. My husband and I met in high school and dated on-and-off for 10 years – I was moving all over the country for school and things, so there were times we weren’t together but we always loved each other very much. We finally got together permanently in 2015, moved in together in mid 2016 and got engaged at the end of 2016, married end of 2017. While our day to day life is exactly the same as before we were engaged/married, our relationship feels more secure, adult, and permanent than when he was just my “boyfriend”. Even when we were living together and I knew we were going to be together forever, there’s just something about being MARRIED. His family is my family and vice versa, and HE is now my family. Society treats us as a family unit instead of just people who are “dating”. I don’t know – I was surprised, but I have felt a significant difference since being married. 

That being said – I don’t think you have anything to feel badly about and I hope you don’t feel sad! 

Post # 21
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

ttw16 :  You worded that perfectly. I have been with my now husband for ten years in January, and we lived together for the past 7 years. But being married really is different! A lot of people keep asking us how is married life? and then adding basically the same as it was before? And I never really know how to answer because yes, for the most part everything is the same as it had been before we got married in October, but also no because we do feel more “official” for lack of a better word and I now share the same last name as him and we are now family forever. Its hard to put into words but I read your reply and I was like yes that is definitely how I feel, it is just…different. In a good way!

Post # 23
Member
70 posts
Worker bee

Yes. 

Growing up I’ve always decided to wait and no amount of pressure from previous boyfriends had swayed me. Importantly they were not very supportive or respectful of my decision so I think that contributed to it

When I met my fiancé, it was just different. I knew that firstly I definitely want to marry him, and secondly if for some reason he doesn’t want to marry me, I won’t regret not waiting. 

There had been no major changes from dating to engaged. Probably because we were serious about a future together like a month into the relationship, so engagement is kind of just an official phase. 

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