Did anyone do pre-marital counseling? (Poll)

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Did you do pre-marital counseling?
    Yes, and it was helpful : (32 votes)
    42 %
    Yes, and it wasn't helpful : (6 votes)
    8 %
    No, but I wish we had : (7 votes)
    9 %
    No, just no : (31 votes)
    41 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    2794 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    We had a CoE wedding and so had to do it with our vicar.

    it covered the wedding ceremony as well as things like finances, communication and sex.

    it was interesting and it was a good place to spark conversations about what marriage meant to us. I remember the best session was when we had to pick which part of the service was most important to us. Before that I hadn’t realised how important the idea of use joining together to be a family was to him. 

    Post # 17
    Member
    477 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2016

    We didn’t. My husband was married once before when they were both very young, went through pre-marital counseling and it was not helpful. When we discussed it, I didn’t particularly want to and neither did he, so we didn’t. What we DID do was go through the 5 love languages book. We did a chapter a week and had a discussion around it. Very casual, but also very helpful.

    Counseling is not for everyone. I doubt we’d have been good candidates for it. We had discussed most of the topics that would have been brought up on top of already knowing how to best communicate with each other, so I think it would have been a waste of time.

    Post # 18
    Member
    1062 posts
    Bumble bee

    No we didn’t. Mother-In-Law wanted us to get married in the Catholic church (which I didn’t). We briefly met with the priest and I quickly decided I didn’t want marriage advise/counseling from someone who had never been married. 

    Darling Husband and I were both married before. After 8yrs together we’ve maybe had 3 arguments?? I think we’re doing ok. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    1395 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2020

    I was going to a counselor for anxiety and he offered to do some premarital counseling for us since we were talking about becoming engaged soon. We took a questionnaire and had two sessions going over the results, which had graphs and such.

    We found it helpful and enjoyed realizing how different yet the same we actually are. It brought to light issues we had been subconsciously working on, and different areas we could work on. Most of it was things we knew or didn’t need help with, but it was really awesome and we both enjoyed the experience. We also had a lot of productive conversations afterward about the results.

    Post # 20
    Member
    79 posts
    Worker bee

    For a forum whose members’ advice for any and all situations is usually “Therapy now!”, I’m surprised the ‘yes’ end isn’t higher 😛

    Post # 21
    Member
    2168 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    So my answer is going to be kind of strange. 

    My dad married us and he made us complete 3 sessions of pre-marital counseling with him, non-secular. 

    We met with him on 3 different occasions and talked about several things that a lot of couples either don’t talk about or are considered “tough” subjects. It was actually really insightful and we found it to be incredibly helpful. Some thought it was weird just based on some of the topics we touched on because it was my dad but my husband and I have a very good relationship with him now and he’s been a great 3rd party when we want to bounce ideas/issues off of someone other than the two of us. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    6606 posts
    Bee Keeper

    We did secular counselling because we wanted to. I loved it! We’d been together for 11 years before getting married and lived together, but it still helped in a few areas. Plus, having a non-judemental 3rd party to bring things up to really stopped us from fighting almost all together. We would be like “Okay this conversation isnt going anywhere, lets table this for counselling.” We dont really fight, but when we have an issue it was very circular, never getting better. It was all small things but it was invaluable IMO. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    34 posts
    Newbee

    We did a free online counseling from the same writer who wrote about the 5 love languages. It’s pretty secular and it’s honestly just a chance to discuss topics which have the potential to blow up later. Also just discuss family life, growing up, things that you don’t think about consciously but honestly impact you immensely. They impact your behaviors, your expectation from the relationship, everything. 

    It was interesting and easy and FREE. I I’d recommend. It’s startmarriagehere.com 

     

    Post # 25
    Member
    7905 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    We had a pastor marry us, and she didn’t do any counseling for us because she thought we already had things figured out, which we did. I think it’s a great option for people because there certainly are a lot of things to consider in terms of readiness for marriage. I would’ve been open to it if it were available to us. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    460 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    We went several times before we moved in together (which was before we got engaged) – no specific issues, but we wanted guidance with that big transition for us and our kids. 

    Post # 27
    Member
    1312 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    We had to in order to get married in his church. it felt more like a checklist that we had to pass “Do you share the same 5yr goals?” check! “Do you share the same views on raising children?” check!. It was re-assuring like we “passed” and everything was gonna be great but we were divorced before our 3yr anniversary. 

    Post # 28
    Member
    205 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    We did one session of secular counselling by choice, just because, not because we had any specific issues. The run up to the wedding was a bit crazy so we were actually also married already so not sure it counts :p. Anyway, it was a bit odd- the counsellor just sort of said we seem really compatible and then she sort of seemed a bit at a loss… like in absence of a problem, why are you at conselling? So we didn’t go back. But I do think that it could be really useful- you know, to make sure you’ve discussd the big issues properly etc. And everybody could use tips on healthy communication etc. 

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