(Closed) Did anyone else get into a financial hole right after you got married?

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 77
8282 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

r06387 :  I think a lot of the snark I saw came from people reading your comments with a “haha” at the end and thinking you didn’t understand the seriousness of your situation. You wrote “it’s like $8k” where if I were in your shoes I’d be more like “holy sh!t I have $8k in credit card debt?! panic mode time!”

Honestly to make it easy write down how much you currently spend on EVERYTHING. Rent, transportation, utilities, groceries, eating out, going to the movies, cell phones, cable, gym membership, literally EVERYTHING. If you add it all up and it’s more than your net income you need to figure out where to cut. If you want to give more details I’m sure lots of bees besides myself would be happy to help you.

Post # 78
1287 posts
Bumble bee

My advice is still the same. Your financial future should never have been a laughing matter. Any debt you cant pay is a high debt, especially if you have to consider taking out a loan to pay rent.

+1 LilliV “You wrote ‘it’s ONLY about $8k’ where if I were in your shoes I’d be more like ‘holy sh!t I have $8k in credit card debt?! panic mode time!‘” 

Post # 79
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

r06387 :  I understand where you are coming from! Such snark from these boards! May I offer you a suggestion … the next time you need simple budgeting advice, which was all you claimed you wanted, instead of writing a long post garnering stranger’s opinions of your spending habits and puppy aspirations on the internet, simply type in “make a budget” into the search engine of your choice and viola! You will have all the resources you need and can avoid any advice that you asked for but simply didn’t agree with!


Post # 80
470 posts
Helper bee

A few points…


I know it’s not about the puppy anymore, but maybe ask the breeder if you can have an IOU for a litter a few years from now. That aside….

“Like 8k” is a lot of debt. I’m not trying to make you feel bad, but it’s important you own up to the gravity of the situation. Unless you think of it as a serious issue, you’ll never take care of it completely. Do you know what the interest rate is? Based on what you’ve said about your financial status, I’m guessing it’s above 15%.

You also said you accrued it by some last minute/forgotten costs for the wedding. Not budgeting postage is a last minute/forgotten cost. Whatever you bought that amounts to 8k is just an example of your lack of understanding on how the world works, how much things cost, and that you can’t spend more than you make.

You need to treat your debt like a bill. It’s the second most important thing besides rent, and that’s only if you have the cheapest apartment possible. Some pp had good advice about budgeting for groceries and such, but you need to make sure you’re only buying what’s necessary.

Also, you just graduated. I think you’ll realize this soon enough, but jobs in your field is a far off dream in this economy. Apply for as many jobs as you can, get some income coming in, and keep applying for better jobs at night. There’s no shame. I’m doing my phd right now, and the random assortment of odd jobs I’ve taken to come up with my share of the wedding bill is kind of hilarious.

Post # 81
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

My advice would be to pick up a retail or restaurant job. When I had some credit card debt I took a second job and every cent that I earned from that job I put towards that debt. My regular paycheque from my main job paid for my bills and a little bit into savings. Now that debt is all paid off and I am officially debt free, with some savings, but living basically paycheque to paycheque while working those two jobs gave me a whole new perspective and I definitely have rethought my definition of want and need. If you’re husband’s income is enough to cover your bills (rent, groceries…bare minimum), then maybe taking an entry level job and throwing all that money towards debt will get you out of debt sooner than taking a loan. Then I would recommend if you want to stay at that job while looking for one in your field, take the money that you were using towards your debt and take half or so and put it directly into emergency savings, and the other half use towards some fun money, and maybe even start a new puppy fund as well. 

If your finances are shared now, it will require a lot of conversations with your husband about how important is to cut back/be frugal for the time being. 

I can tell you that having a crappy six months or so where you feel like you can’t do anything and you’re really bored because you can’t afford to go out, and you’re exhausted from working so much, is so worth it to finally be able to say you’re debt free. It’s just so much of a relief. 



Post # 82
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Fiance and I are having some debt issues right now from when I was in school and not working as much. Sadly anytime I had an emergency it had to go on a cred it card. I have 6k in credit card debt that I’m working on paying down. I got a loan to consolidate it into one payment with better interest.

This is serious, but don’t be too hard on yourself. I worked in banking for a few years, it’s not uncommon for people of any age to make mistakes like this with debt or to fall into hard times. Heck, I had regular customers with 50k in CREDIT CARD debt on top of auto loans, credit lines, and mortages. Sheesh! Just be glad that while it is a high amount, it’s not totally out of control.

I highly recommend getting some sort of part time job and just using your income to go to the credit cards if he can pay the other bills. See if you can go to your bank and sit down with a banker and talk about some options for consolidation and ask any questions you might have about interest rates, APRs or any other money related topics! I know it’s all over whelming when you’re first making a budget, but there are people out there who can help! Come up with a game plan and tackle head it head on! I would skip the dog and any other “fun” purchases for a while. Good luck, bee. Things will get better.

Post # 83
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Another poster mentioned it earlier but I just wanted to chime in again with another recommendation for YNAB (You Need A Budget). I believe it’s now entirely web-based and can sync with your accounts, but it’s the only tool that made money make sense in my head. Instead of budgeting based on what you think you’re going to be making, you parcel out the actual income that you have at this very second. So if you get a $500 cheque you assign each and every one of those 500 dollars to a “job” e.g. budget category. Whether that job be savings, paying off debt, buying groceries, whatever… And then you spend based on your category balances instead of your bank balance. So you don’t see $3000 sitting there and go wild spending when in reality that $3000 is actually needed for other tasks. It really made savings, debt repayment, etc. “click” for me and our financial situation has done a total 180 since we finished school 🙂 We’re now well on our way to getting a house and have paid off all our credit card debt (about 5k) while also paying our wedding and honeymoon in cash. Your situation is 100% reversible, but I think the right tools are hugely important. 

Post # 84
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

My advice is stop looking about the amount of debt you have and starting looking at the realities. 

1.) The credit cards you do have are almost maxed out

2.) You don’t have a job yet 

3.) You already know you have a spending problem

4.) You are hesitant to give back this dog because you didn’t $300 and have already bought the supplies but don’t seem to understand (or are completely ignoring) the insight PPs have shared that a puppy will cost exponentially more in the next year – let alone few years- than you’ve invested so far. 

I hope that you get your finances fixed up and get on a good budget. I would advise you to read some Suze Orman, she’s fabulous. For your debt, http://mobile.whatsthecost.com/snowball.aspx 

I used that, I like it because you can tell it how many debts you have and ultimately print a spreadsheet which is really easy to read. 

Also, check out http://www.akc.org/learn/akc-training/cost-to-raise-dog/ 

Post # 85
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

soymilk :  I would never spend 15k/year on a dog. Unless you are crazy rich that’s just well I have no words for it that’s not rude. We show so much more compassion to animals but none to people 

Post # 86
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

r06387 :  Glad you changed your mind on the puupy. Now is a good time to learn about the differences between wants and needs.

Wants are: internet, cable, clothing that isn’t essential, eating out, high priced groceries like snacks, gym memberships (because there are free options like running or exercising in the park or at home), weddings and honeymoons, vacations, alcohol, beauty products, hairdressers for anything but a trim, manicures/nails etc etc.

Needs are: a job, rent, utilities (but you can also minimise those through doing things like turning off lights, not running the tv when you don’t need to), food, healthcare and transport to work.

Identify all those things that are not needs and cut them out. Bring them back in slowly once your debt is paid off, you have a job and some savings.

Post # 87
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

r06387 :  you should both attend a financial counseling class and learn to budget.  That should’ve been a conversation while you were engaged, preparing for the wedding, budgeting for the wedding, and budgeting for your future.  

Fiance and I are getting married next year and we literally have a spreadsheet for our annual and monthly savings, expenses, and discretionary income and how much goes where. 

Dont keep the dog. Meet with a financial counselor ASAP and put together a budget ASAP.

Post # 88
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: LA Athletic Club

You should donate any supplies you already purchased for the dog. There’s thousands of animals in shelters that would love any new dog supplies. 

Post # 89
8282 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

onepeople101 :  I’ve spent that much money on my dog and I assure you I’m not crazy rich (or even just regular rich for that matter). We are on boards where people regularly talk about spending $30k+ on a PARTY but $15k to save an animal’s life (after you have welcomed it into your family and promised to care for it) is unreasonable? 

Post # 90
2018 posts
Buzzing bee

$8k is a lot of debt, when your cards are maxed out, you’ve only got 1 income and you need to take out a loan to pay your rent. You and your husband are financially screwed. What happens if you had to go to the emergency room? I have great insurance, but just had to go….$1500 out of pocket later. Could you even find a way to finance $1500 right now? you are in a bad financial situation, and sorry- but nice advice isn’t always the wake up call it sounds like you need. 

Write out your budget. you need to eat inexpensive meals at home, no booze, no clothes, no fun money. Heck, cleaning supplies might be a luxury for you right now- you can do a lot with a washcloth and soapy water. Get rid of TV and read books from the library. Seriously, you need to go into extreme savings mode ASAP. 

You have GOT to build up some savings right now, let alone pay off your debt. You have no free cash and no available credit, and that is a BIG PROBLEM. 

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