(Closed) Did anyone else not have a wedding the first time?

posted 4 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
6125 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@FutureMrsV2016:  I did not have the wedding the first time around.  I was 25 and it was 2002.  It was so uneventful.  Went to the county clerk’s office, she stood up from her desk, we had no rings and then we went back to work.  Bleh!


Then at 35 I was engaged and I did much better in my choice of men!  (I asked for a real proposal and a ring and he delivered!)  I got to try on gowns for the first time!  How fun!  I had a real ring too that I loved!


I felt like I needed to do the whole wedding thing because I missed out and it was my H’s first wedding.  Plus our families have never met (still haven’t) and so many friends would get to meet since they are so scattered.  Seemed like a good idea!  Well turns out logistics were too much and family was not interested in a wedding, so in the end we eloped.  But we made it one spectacualr private destination wedding for us.  We got married on our honeymoon – so a weddingmoon!  I’m the only person I know who eloped twice!


Back when I was planning a Tetons wedding for this marraige (before we cancelled it), my sister was all up in arms because I was all for a shower if someone were to throw it.  She was being all snobby about saying it’s your second wedding and it was tacky.  So what?  There are no rules on there, plus I never got one the first time!  Well I still didn’t, but that is OK.  Guests were from all over the place so it would not have worked out.  People still got us gifts with the elopement though which was very thoughtful.


I’m fine that I didn’t get a full wedding again.  I think elopements suit me.  The thought of paying for a party with less than enthused guests who only felt obligated to go doesn’t suit me.  However we went big and fun and it was totally us in every way.


Post # 4
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’d suggest being a bit careful about saying you didn’t have a wedding the first time.  Many of us on here are having courthouse weddings, or intimate weddings, and don’t like having it suggested that what we are having is not a wedding.

However, if someone offers to throw you a shower (whether it’s your first wedding or your fifteenth), you can graciously accept.  The only caveats are that a) a shower is given for you by a friend; it’s not something you can throw yourself, and b) only people who are invited to the wedding can be invited to the shower.  But those rules are the same regardless of whether you’ve previously been married.

Post # 5
3379 posts
Sugar bee

@FutureMrsV2016:  I went the opposite way. I had a wedding the first time and am not this time. I didn’t have a big wedding the first time, only about 35 guests, but I’d have even less to invite this time, my family could not come (my grandmother can’t travel or even my father) plus we can’t afford it anyway. Trying on wedding dresses is fun. Kind wish I could do that this time too. 🙂  As far as showers, I don’t see why not, I had a baby shower for my second baby. 

Post # 7
1279 posts
Bumble bee

@FutureMrsV2016:  I don’t think your post is offensive in the least! I took it to mean that your first wedding was not a large affair.

I had a wedding at home for my first marriage. My parents were there and my best friend married us. It was at night and we went out to a nice really fun dinner afterwards. 

I want a more planned wedding next time but still intimate.

Post # 8
130 posts
Blushing bee

@FutureMrsV2016:  I don’t think you offended anyone either.

I’m actually leagally married. My husband and I got married a few years ago and we never had a wedding. We are now planning one.  We have never kept our marriage a secret, everyone has always known and we’ve always acted as though we are married…but we are both looking forward to our wedding! I never had a shower and I have been lead to believe I’m having this time. I’m really looking forward to it! It’s all so exciting!

Post # 11
130 posts
Blushing bee

@FutureMrsV2016:  Thanks! I agree, it’s nice hearing all the different experiences people have.

Some people ask us why were botherinng having a wedding. We’re married and it’s been a few years….While others are more excited than we are, lol (not really- but they’re excited). To those who don’t “approve” heck don’t come. It’s our day, our dream.

Post # 12
1841 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

My first marriage occurred when I was almost 19 and lasted exactly two years and two days.  He was an alcoholic (now a pill-head) that I was just sure I could fix.  We stood in front of a local magistrate in his grandparent’s living room, and had a redneck reception later on at his sister’s.

23 years later, I’m finally getting the ceremony and reception that I’ve always wanted. 

Post # 13
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I was barely 21 and had already had a child w/ my ex. We tried planning a wedding and gave up. Then one day we just up and went to Vegas. We got two wedding gifts. One from my aunt in Minnesota and one from my oldest sister. My parents didn’t even say congratulations. My father and I were not talking much at the time and I regret it now because he has passed. My mother and I hardly speak now and she won’t be at my wedding this time around either. That was her choice. I always wanted my daddy to walk me down the aisle but I will never get that. I feel like I missed out.

Post # 14
1841 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Me.  I was 19, EX was 20, and we were married by a JOP in his grandparent’s living room.   FI is serious relationship #3 for me, but my second marriage.  And we’re not planning anything huge, but I am insisting on a wedding dress and tux.  WP and everybody else can wear jeans if they want.

Post # 15
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@FutureMrsV2016:  That sounds like me!  Almost exactly!  I was 19 and 37ish weeks pregnant.  DD was born two weeks later.  We went to the courthouse, our moms were there, but that’s it.  My ex was (is) a major jerk.  Binge drinker, verbally/emotionally abusive, etc.  I never should have married him, but I thought it was the “right thing to do”.  Blech.  Anyway…my fiance also was married in a courthouse the first time so this is a first wedding for both of us.  😀

Our wedding will be very intimate and non-traditional, but I WILL wear a beautiful wedding dress and walk down the aisle to my fiance.  🙂  We won’t be doing a registry or showers, or anything like that though.  We’ve been living together for 4 years and have everything we need so it seems silly.  Well, actually…we do really need a new mattress.  Maybe we’ll take up a collection for one.  lol  😉

I feel so blessed that all of our family and friends are very excited about the wedding.  😀

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