- 8 years ago
I am in the “waiting” stage. My SO is “pretty sure” (ugh!) but “not ready”. (double ugh!)
B/c my SO sucks with time awareness and at planning (he doesn’t plan ahead for anything, or plan anything at all), I’ve been trying to simplify the “engagement process” by making it easy on him. One way I thought to do that was to kinda pick out my own ring (so he doesn’t have to stress about “what would she like”). And we have been ring shopping (after my begging him to go), so he knows what ring it is and he thinks it’s pretty too.
For most men, one of the delays is being able to afford the ring. My man is incredibly cheap because he grew up in a family always strapped for cash, but since we’ve been dating, he’s realized that he is a little less financially strapped than he is accustomed to b/c he’s saved up so much money on his own. He’s still cheap, but not as bad as when I met him. He can easily afford the ring I picked out, and he even commented that he was pleasantly surprised how much cheaper it was than the other rings in the store. Yay!
So earlier in the relationship (when I thought he was ready…but turns out I was wrong), I mentioned that I have my grandmother’s diamond (well, my dad has it). Sure, with dreams of Prince Charming in your mind (and your judgmental mother’s voice in your ear saying “you should never marry a man who can’t buy you a diamond”), it would be nice to receive a center stone from my SO. But I have my grandmother’s diamond, and there’s nothing else I would rather use it for than the ring I’m going to wear every day of my life. And it’s kind of pointless to spend $15K on another diamond when I have this one available. And I know that my SO would NEVER spend a ton of money on a decent sized diamond, much less the gorgeous setting I have picked out to go along with it as an additional cost.
So I’ve offered it up to my SO. I’m kind of over the fact that my mom will “look down on that”, because from a practical standpoint, what the heck else would I do with it? Why not have it on a ring I will wear for the rest of my life? And save the $15K to use for us as a couple?
As an aside, my SO’s grandmother recently passed away, and since my SO is the only unmarried grandson, his uncle offered the grandmother’s 1 carat ring to my SO for like $2K “just in case he needed it for anything.” My SO told me this and asked if I would be interested, and I said yes, it would mean a lot to me to have something from his family and it would make me feel like a part of his family. But the next day he was like, “why the heck would I spend $2K on that ring when we have your grandmother’s larger diamond…I thought you wanted to use that one?” Well then why the heck did you mention it to me then?!?!?!?!?!
Did anyone else offer up their own family diamond to their SO? Did you ever feel a little short-changed by it? Or were you comfortable with it since it was the wise financial decision? Did anyone catch grief from their mother from the fact that your SO didn’t buy you a diamond by himself?
What are your thoughts/experiences?