(Closed) Did anyone else put their wedding before yours?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7776 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I don’t think I’d be pissed, but I might be a little annoyed. Either way, I’d get over it pretty quickly.

Post # 4
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think that as long as there is ample time between the weddings for people who are invited to both to attend both then there shouldn’t be a problem.

One of my good friends announced her engagement in October and then quickly set a date for October 2010.  I found out in November that I would be getting engaged (pending a ring) and started pre-planning with my FI’s approval.  I would have liked to have a September or October wedding but a) Fiance is still in school so that couldn’t happen and b) I didn’t want my wedding to be too close to my friend’s so I set my date for August 9th, more than 2 months before her wedding.

Are you feeling mad because you think she’s trying to one-up you?  I think the only reason I would be mad is if the other person was making it out to be a competition or “beat me to the punch” so to speak.  Otherwise, it wouldn’t bother me.

Post # 5
2206 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

We’ve had several friends get engaged after us and married or plan their weddings for before. I didn’t cross my mind to be angry. We chose to set our date over a year out, so that was our choice.

Post # 6
1232 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I might be mad if I thought she did it to take away from my wedding and was stealing all of my ideas or something… other than that I can’t see any reason why it would make me angry. It was nice of her to put a few months in between your weddings. Maybe that month just works best for her?

Post # 7
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

We got engaged in May 2009. In November 2009, our best man announced that he and his girlfriend would be getting married in December 2009. And they did! It was certainly very surprising, not least because they’d been dating for less than a year at the time of their wedding, but it seems many people are choosing to get married very quickly these days.

I think we brides get a little subconsciously accustomed to being the center of attention during our months of engagement, and when something like this happens it can feel a bit like something has been taken from us but we can’t quite name what it is. I’m sure you’ll feel fine about it within a couple weeks, certainly by the time these other weddings actually take place. Obviously, we don’t get to lay claim to an entire year when no one else is allowed to get married. 🙂 Just enjoy your own engagement and don’t worry about anyone else’s, same goes with the weddings themselves!

Post # 8
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Fiance and I have been engaged since Dec 2008.  We always knew that we would need to do a summer wedding, because I teach, and June seemed like the perfect choice.  June 2009 was too soon b/c we are paying for the wedding ourselves so we said soon after we got engaged we’d be shooting for a mid-June 2010 wedding — specific date pending the selection of our venue.  We didn’t choose our venue until April 2009….

Two of our friends got engaged in March 2009, and we have VERY similar tastes…so similar, we ended up choosing the same venue.  Because of this the girl in the relationship decided to have a short engagement (October 2009) vs their first thought of a year-ish enagement (April/May 2010) and she admitted that one BIG reason was b/c she didn’t want ours to follow 2 months behind b/c she thought she might feel like she was comparing hers to ours, or something like that.  I get it, and it worked out for them…but at the same time it never really bothered me!

I would think as long as your friends/sisters who get married before you leave enough room so that oot guests can afford to go to all weddings, you’re fine!

Post # 10
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

My now-husband and I got engaged in August and were planning our wedding for the end of July of the next year.

My husband’s cousin got engaged a couple months after us and originally planned their wedding for the coming April, before us.  Then, for still unexplained reasons, they changed their date to about a week before ours.  We moved ours back about a week, since our vendors were flexible, to make things easier on his family that would have to go to both.

So seriously NOT a big deal.  It made things slightly more busy before the wedding (2x the showers, etc), but those are only a few hours out of your time.  We did get some comments at the cousin’s wedding along the lines of “Are you two taking notes?”…plaster half-smile on face, give weak laugh, and think to self…yes because our wedding is in 2 weeks and we haven’t planned it yet…. 🙂

The feelings are understandable, but if you don’t get passed them all you do is make yourself miserable and make others think you’re being witchy for thinking the whole year is yours.

Post # 11
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I totally get where you’re coming from with the wedding attention. While it’s a beautiful thing that marriage is about the commitment to each other or the sacrament or whatever, there’s still a part of you, the bride, that would like to be able to fully indulge in all the details of the wedding… and you should also reasonably expect that everyone around you, especially your fiance’s fam, will share in all of those indulgences with you as part of their happiness and support. Sharing the attention can be annoying, but definitely don’t let it cheapen it for you.

At least the weddings are not back to back and there’s several months in between!

Post # 12
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Since Fiance and I got engaged a year ago, we’ve had two good friends get engaged- one of his elementary school-for-life friends and a really good friend of mine I met in college. I’ve been nothing but excited to share “our” wedding year with them! Both friends, oddly enough, are having two weddings (well, my friend’s 1st wedding has already happened)- his friend is getting married in Hawaii in June (which is closer to where they live, Japan, then WI is) and then having a “at home” reception here in WI probably within weeks of our wedding. My friend got married in the UAE (where his wife is from) and are then having an “at home” reception in IL in June. All I can think is what a happy, celebratory summer we’re going to have!

That said, I would be upset if anyone I knew set their date for the same weekend or even the weekend before us. Not only because we all share tons of friends in common, but also because I’ll be far too busy and distracted to properly celebrate their wedding. I think its natural to worry about the date our friends and family set, but we can’t control them and just have to roll with it.

Post # 13
6571 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

my sister is going to vegas with her bf this week. my wedding is in 13 days. there’s a little joke that she’ll come home married…. which i wouldn’t be upset because she’d be hogging the attention (i actually hate being center of attention and i’d love it if someone took it from me), i’d be upset because i’ve never met him and i don’t want her marrying someone i don’t know. but hopefully that won’t happen!

Post # 14
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

honestly i wouldnt be mad unless it was hte same weekend. i dont expect someone to plan their own future plans around my wedding date.

Post # 15
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

my best friend from college got engaged in october and her wedding is planned for this october. my fiance and i got engaged in late november and our wedding is planned for august. i didn’t do this to spite her, i did it because we honestly have no other time that is convenient to get married. i hope that my friend doesn’t think that we are getting married first just because we set the date for a few months before them after getting engaged after them…

now, if a friend got engaged and was asking me all my ideas and then saying that she thought of them too and her wedding turned into a clone of mine, then i’d be annoyed. honestly, people have different reasons for wanting a short engagement. i wouldn’t be mad at her for planning her wedding in such a short time. she might actually be really stressed about it, while you’ve got some time on your hands to get things done slower.

Post # 16
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I know what you mean Fiance and I got engaged NYE 2008. We had planned our wedding date before we were enaged. (10/01/10)

We have good friends who got engaged in March 2009 when they hadn’t even talked about getting engaged until after we returned home engaged and I was helping with the begining planning they were looking at November 2010. When they found out our date they magically moved their wedding up to March 2010.

I did get a tiny bit of joy when I was helping with some of the diy projects to find out that they wouldn’t have their full budget and had to cancel their locations and hold a 150 person ceremony and potluck recepton at a rental cabin. (It’s bad, but they haven’t been good friends to use since we started planning our wedding out of town)

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