Post # 1
Hi all. I didn’t have a shower, and my wedding is in a few weeks. We’ve started getting registry gifts in the mail, and my mom is shocked by some of the gifts we’ve gotten. (I’m surprised too). We got a set of wine glasses (80 dollars) from a family of 4 (two parents and two adult children), and a 70 dollar pasta pot from another set of adult cousins who are very well off. I know this sounds super greedy, so I’m embarrassed to even write this, but I thought it was customary to give around 100 dollars per person for a wedding and I’m really surprised to get gifts from well off relatives that amount to 20-35 dollars a person. Is it possible or likely that people will give cash in a card at the wedding? Or do I just have lots of relatives who do things differently? I”m not having a destination wedding, and my wedding is in NYC.
Post # 3
@not eggplant: I think it depends on age. My aunt likes to give everyone $25 in a card. I personally would never give less $200.
And, don’t fry me on this one. But I have noticed in life, people that are well off, tend to give less.
Post # 4
These are probably wedding presents and I wouldnt expect more. It is possible a few people thought to send an additional present since there was no shower, but I wouldnt count on it.
What is average to give varies greatly between region and families. What you would consider “normal” may not be what your family considers “normal”.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t be surprised if they gave more at the wedding, in a card, but wouldn’t be offended if they didn’t.
Post # 6
@not eggplant: I’m shocked that you’re shocked, frankly.
There is no customary “per person” gift amount. People give what they can afford and what they would like to give. Certainly I could never afford to give $100/pp for me and my husband for the 5 weddings we’re invited to this summer.
Post # 7
Are these people coming to your wedding as well? They may very well be intending to bring an additional cash gift but I wouldn’t expect it. If they’re not coming I tend to only send about 50-75 to a couple as its kind of all “profit” for lack of a better term.
Post # 8
@mightywombat: I know, i know! I’m embarrassed I even felt this way, so I deserve the criticism.
Post # 9
I agree it depends on your family. I’m hoping mine can get there (DW, for my half anyways) and maybe help with some stuff (yay, free labour) but as far as gifts I’m not even sure what I’d want, if anything. Birthday/Christmas gifts for us are usually $20-$50 from each household, I’m not expecting more though I’ve received around $100 gifts on rare occasions if there’s something big I want/need.
Post # 10
@not eggplant: I’m sorry if I came off as too critical!! I think I’m self-conscious about not being able to afford the kinds of gifts that I often hear people on the boards describe as the minimum they would expect to give or receive at a wedding.
Post # 11
Ack. I find these kinds of posts so off-putting. I don’t think there is anything wrong with those gifts. I actually thought you were potentially going to say “I’m worried they will spend more money on me at the wedding…that’s a lot.” But, I should know better here on the Bee.
Expecting a minimum of $400 from one family is obscene.
Post # 12
They’re still gifts, regardless of the price spent.
Post # 13
I think I’m self-conscious about not being able to afford the kinds of gifts that I often hear people on the boards describe as the minimum they would expect to give or receive at a wedding.
I feel this same way! Usually Fiance and I together give about $100…we just can’t afford more unfortunately. Sometimes I’ll find a gift on their registry about that amount and then go and find it somewhere else for cheaper; I feel a bit bad but that’s really what we can afford. I agree with others that these are most likely wedding gifts and not shower gifts.
Post # 14
I assume when people invite me to their wedding, they want me there, not fishing for my gift… Maybe I’m wrong? Any way, I don’t believe in the covering one’s plate theory. If having a wedding is about raising money, sell tickets.
Post # 15
Each family ( unit) is going to give one gift. I don’t believe its customary to expect a gift or specified amount from each member of the unit etc.
When you make a registry you want to make sure you have a decent range in regards to price! I’m not sure of your age but, most weddings I go to are 20 somethings and the registry is full of 20-60 dollar items, that are perfect for struggling young students etc. And they are thrilled! The big guns are reserved for probably older and very close people ( Read: parents, grandparents) .
Also your social circle is going to play a big role.
Post # 16
@MrsLulu: I know, I’m sorry! I also find them off putting when I see them, but then I turned into that person.
I’m really embarrassed, and thank you all for helping put it into perspective and reminding me not to become ‘that person’. i was really just curious. People always post that they give 100 minimum etc, so I was curious! And until this past year I was a broke, unemployed med student so I definitely gave very modest gifts and understand how expenstive weddings are for guests. It’s kind of harsh to say “I should have expected this from the bee” though.