Post # 1
My SO and I have been discussing buying a ring. We want to get engaged, but he doesn’t think he has enough money. I would love to split the cost of the ring – why should he pay so much for something that I am picking out/wearing? We’ve discussed splitting it, and I think he is really seeing that I am serious about it, but I don’t feel that he’s 100 % sure. For those of you who split the cost of your engagement ring, how did you decide? What kind of logic did you use? I’m just curious because I know we’re both ready soon, it’s just a matter of him agreeing to let me help!
Post # 3
My bf has a set budget and if I want to spend over it, I have to pay for that myself.
With that said, though, the budget he gave me is more than generous, and I wouldn’t be going much over… it would only be to include a wedding band (the ring I am considering is just under the budget he gave me for both an e-ring and a band). He wouldn’t let me go more than $1,000 over as then that would impact our shared budget/savings goals. Anything more and I am just being greedy considering how high the budget is.
I think that it’s reasonable to split the ring costs, but I guess just make sure that it doesn’t mess up future plans or anything. My guy and I have our own individual budgets for spending, but we do things together for big stuff like vacations. In the end, depending on how much you spend on the ring now, it might impact you in the future as a couple… really it all comes out of the same pot when you’re married – there isn’t really a ‘his’ and ‘her’ money when it comes to big things.
This probably isn’t helping you, though lol. I am curious, I am assuming that you want to split the cost because you want a more expensive ring than the budget he is offering? I see no problem in splitting it. As I mentioned before, it all comes out of the same pot. I guess just try to convince him that it’s money that the both of you are putting towards marriage… and that you want to get engaged, have a say in your ring, and that you’re happy to pay half.
Post # 4
@ReganLove: This is something we are discussing everything in our lives is 50-50…so why wouldnt absolutely every aspect of our wedding be the same way….granted he wants to pay the majority…but we are discussing it…plus we dont really do anything by the book….
Post # 5
At the point we were getting engaged, we already started to view our money as a single pot, so whether or not we were “splitting” the cost, the over all cost was what was important to us, not whos money it was. He “paid” for my ring, but then ended up ‘borrowing’ (I gave it without expectation of being ‘paid back’) pretty much waht the ring cost him to fix some investments he had. It was all a wash at the end of the day to us.
Post # 6
Fiance bought my first ring by himself but we never had a budget it was a spur of the moment thing, then my next ring we exchanged and we both paid the difference, so whats mine is his and whats his is mine. I dont see why anything would be wrong with that.
Post # 7
@canarydiamond: There are a few reasons I would love to pay half lol (and your advice did help me by the way – thanks!) One reason is that if we split the cost, a proposal would come sooner than him taking more time to save up for himself. Another reason is that I do feel it would be a smart move for us, in that neither of us would be spending more than 2,200 dollars. The setting I want is about $4,400. So I think it would be totally reasonable to each spend 22 hundred. That’s not bad at all! And I have said to him that we should be equal in this. I would feel like crap b.c I have my heart set on this setting, but don’t want him spending that much on just a setting (we have a stone coming our way from his mom)
Post # 8
@pinkshoes: Exactly – I actually don’t think that he knows much about the process or that there ARE other people out there that do use this method. When I first brought it up he was like “really? People do that?” lol poor guy
Post # 9
I’m on board with splitting the cost. It’s all “our” money technically anyways. It doesn’t matter if he’s out $10k or if we are each out $5k it’s all the same to us. He financed a portion of my ring and I pay all the bills every month so I guess I’m technically paying for it anyways. Doesn’t bother us in the least. He pays for the mortgage and cars and everything else!
Post # 10
@ReganLove: lol, people can do whatever they are comfortable with! i think if you two agree on the over all cost of the ring, and then decide how to share cost, it should work out. Like, if the both of you agree that a 4k ring is perfectly reasonable, and he wants to spend all 4k or split it so you each spend 2k, then its fine. But say he wanted to pay all 4k, and now you want to contribute 2k more and spend 6k total, if he doesnt agree with that over all cost, then it doesnt matter whos paying for it…. if any of that makes sense.. haha
Post # 11
@pinkshoes: Haha yes that makes perfect sense – thanks! Lol I’ll keep you posted on what we decide!
Post # 12
I contributed to our ering purchase…nbd.
Post # 13
I love the idea of splitting the cost. It’s a huge purchase and, like PPs have said, it’ll be your joint money after marriage. I would have loved to have done this = with my ering, but I was/am unemployed and Fiance had been working for almost a year so he already had enough saved up.
It sounds like your SO will be fine with it, but if he starts to feel iffy, I’d let him know that you don’t measure his love and commitment by how much he spends on your ering. I think that’s a reason why some guys might be uncomfortable with the idea.
Post # 14
He made it clear he wouldn’t take any money directly from me. I just paid some extra expenses during the time when he was saving up. For example he always pays the cable/electric bill. So I would just grab those and say, oh, I’ll pay these this month. He would protest, I’d say it’s no big deal, you have other things to spend your money on wink wink the topic is closed for discussion.
It amounts to the same thing but I think it saved his pride somewhat, rather than me just handing him cash. He would have been fine doing it 100% on his own, but I was eager to get the show on the road. It probably would have taken a few months longer.
Post # 15
Ha Ha, good luck with that, I tried to convince my Fiance that we should split the costs of the ring, I considered it the first major expense together…He disagreed and got my ring himself.
Post # 16
If you’re getting married, the money he spends on the ring comes out of money you otherwise would have been able to save for the marriage. So in effect, you’re splitting it any way you slice it. Might be a useful argument for convincing him!