(Closed) Did anyone help pay for their engagement ring?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
1654 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I helped pay for the first one. It was kind of expensive and I felt bad that Fiance had to get it himself, and on top of that, the design was to be discontinued before Fiance could save up for it himself. Then we bought it.

We thought… well I thought it cost too much after we bought it, and even though I love(d) it, we sent it back and got a moissy ring instead. This one costs 4x less than the previous ring, so Fiance decided to purchase it himself. He was kind of hesitant to let me help, but I was stubborn enough that he let me do it 😛

Post # 18
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I offered and he shot me down. I’m going to offer again when we go ring shopping in November. I don’t think offering hurts his ego, but he still might not let me. It doesn’t really matter as it’s all the same money in the end. We live together and pool our resources so I mean… in the end, I am sort of paying for the ring. But he really wants to squirrel away his own money and do it.

Post # 20
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I offered, but he refused. I probably would’ve prefered paying for half and spending a little more on it, but I wouldn’t change anything now! 

Post # 21
Member
1001 posts
Bumble bee

I’ve made it clear to him that I’m more than willing to help fund the e-ring and my wedding band, but he was very firm on it being something HE was going to pay for out of the money that was in his personal account.  (We have a joint account, and we each have a personal account as well.  It’s how we decided to handle our finances way back when we started living together and it works very well for us.)  However,  I did insist that I would be paying for his wedding band, because just like the rings he gives me will be his gifts to me and symbols of his commitment and love, so likewise the ring I give to him will be my gift to him and a symbol of my commitment and love.  He grumbled about it a bit, but agreed that what I was saying made sense.

Also, since we DO pool our finances and pay our bills together, I’m able to “free up” more of his funds by contributing more of my own.  So even though I won’t be paying directly towards my rings, I am helping purchase them, in a subtle manner.  When/if he ever gets around to deciding to do it, that is!b

Post # 22
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

First time round… circa 1980

Technically I did.  We got engaged in the Autumn after graduating from Uni in the Spring.  THE ORIGINAL PLAN was for my Ex to sub-let my GF’s apartment all summer so he could save up money to get his own place, and buy me an ERing.  End of summer came.  He got an Apartment and went out and got a bank loan… which he used to buy furniture for the apartment and my ring.

He put the ring on my finger… and shortly thereafter I moved in with him to the NEW Apartment with the NEW Stuff.  And oh ya, I began making half the payments on the loan.

It was only years later that I truly understood the impact of doing this.

He came to expect me in life to ALWAYS pay half of everything… great when you are 20 and both making minimum wage together… not so great when you are in your 30s and 40s and raising a family… and he’s making 2x or 3x what you are bringing in.

Every single frickin bill in life he expected me to pay half (despite the fact I earned less… or was out of work at times on Mat Leave rasing our kids)

It was a STUPID way to do the household accounting… but being very much a Feminist of the time (we all were in the 70s and 80s) I wanted to prove that I could pull my own weight…

BUT in reality, I was pulling my own, the kids and his.

As he still managed to have money that he could call his own and play with !!

Our marriage ended because he was an Alcoholic and abusive (including financial abusive obviously)

I gave that man more of my life than he deserved !!

(By the way I figured out years later the reason he didn’t have my ring inhand before he proposed was because he’d spent a good part of that summer out partying with his friends… they obviously were a bigger priority than I was…. too bad I didn’t smell the rat at the time)

Anyhow…

This time round at 50+ I am a lot smarter

I decided not to combine any of my monies with Mr TTR until we were married

I mean if I could pay 50% my whole life and be married, I could certainly do the same while I wasn’t married

So this time the ERing is 100% from Mr TTR.  We picked it together… him very concerned about what I liked and what he wanted (a much bigger feature stone than I ever would have imagined)

BUT the main point is he paid.  And I was bowled over / grateful.

I KNOW this time, that my man LOVES me and puts me first…

And to me that is what an ERing should symbolize a bit… there should be an effort on the part of the man… and a sort of “sacrifice” of their single life to make it happen.

I truly think it means more that way.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 23
Member
1220 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@badabing88:  I’m thinking bout oing that too, depending on the cost of the ring I like. We’re going window shopping this weekend so ill have a better idea of what we might need to do. I would prefer to share this expense or at least contribute something to it, but he’s not too thrilled by that concept…guys can be so stubborn lol 

Post # 24
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m paying for part of my ring. The ring I want is over his budget so I’m paying the difference in order to get the ring that I love. He doesn’t love the idea of me putting money towards it but I don’t see an issue with it; its both of our money in the end.

Post # 25
Member
8469 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Oh hell no! Not to sound like a brat, but that would not sit well with me. 

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