First time round… circa 1980
Technically I did. We got engaged in the Autumn after graduating from Uni in the Spring. THE ORIGINAL PLAN was for my Ex to sub-let my GF’s apartment all summer so he could save up money to get his own place, and buy me an ERing. End of summer came. He got an Apartment and went out and got a bank loan… which he used to buy furniture for the apartment and my ring.
He put the ring on my finger… and shortly thereafter I moved in with him to the NEW Apartment with the NEW Stuff. And oh ya, I began making half the payments on the loan.
It was only years later that I truly understood the impact of doing this.
He came to expect me in life to ALWAYS pay half of everything… great when you are 20 and both making minimum wage together… not so great when you are in your 30s and 40s and raising a family… and he’s making 2x or 3x what you are bringing in.
Every single frickin bill in life he expected me to pay half (despite the fact I earned less… or was out of work at times on Mat Leave rasing our kids)
It was a STUPID way to do the household accounting… but being very much a Feminist of the time (we all were in the 70s and 80s) I wanted to prove that I could pull my own weight…
BUT in reality, I was pulling my own, the kids and his.
As he still managed to have money that he could call his own and play with !!
Our marriage ended because he was an Alcoholic and abusive (including financial abusive obviously)
I gave that man more of my life than he deserved !!
(By the way I figured out years later the reason he didn’t have my ring inhand before he proposed was because he’d spent a good part of that summer out partying with his friends… they obviously were a bigger priority than I was…. too bad I didn’t smell the rat at the time)
This time round at 50+ I am a lot smarter
I decided not to combine any of my monies with Mr TTR until we were married
I mean if I could pay 50% my whole life and be married, I could certainly do the same while I wasn’t married
So this time the ERing is 100% from Mr TTR. We picked it together… him very concerned about what I liked and what he wanted (a much bigger feature stone than I ever would have imagined)
BUT the main point is he paid. And I was bowled over / grateful.
I KNOW this time, that my man LOVES me and puts me first…
And to me that is what an ERing should symbolize a bit… there should be an effort on the part of the man… and a sort of “sacrifice” of their single life to make it happen.
I truly think it means more that way.
Hope this helps,