- 8 months ago
- Wedding: June 2019
My wedding is less than 4 months away, we still have a lot to plan (only a 6 month engagement), and people keep asking me about a bridal shower. There are a lot of family dynamics that make me anxious, and are making me think I don’t want one at all.
My mom: Divorced from my dad for 25 years, not remarried, never dated, and depending on the day she still thinks my dad is the devil. She’s only been around my stepmom and/or dad’s side of the family a handful of times for graduations, etc., and has held it together, but the idea of everyone being in close quarters for an extended period of time makes me nervous. She also has no money and wouldn’t be able to financially contribute, which is fine, I just don’t want her to feel shitty showing up to a nice shower that everyone but her has paid for. She has assured me though that she can deal with a bridal shower with all of the family there.
My stepmom: Very nice woman, we get along well, and she LIVES for planning parties. She intitially wanted to throw me a “secret shower” to which my dad & I both said “No, not Ok”. The minute I told her that my mom was comfortable attending a shower, I received a slew of texts about tea rooms and other venues costing $35pp+ which I don’t want. When I brought up the issue of cost, she said she’ll happily pay for the food. It’s a much appreciated gesture, but already turning into a bigger affair than I had in mind. Plus the concern of my mom feeling like crap since she isn’t in a position to host any of this rings through my head again.
Fiance family: Very nice family, but I’ve only met the majority of them once or twice. I know if I have a full blown shower I’ll need to invite his female family members who live locally, because it’s the right thing to do. This however would balloon the guest list from 15-ish to almost 40. I would also then feel like I need to play “hostess” during the event and make my rounds to talk to everyone. Not sure I’ll have the energy for that AND keeping an eye on my family…
The more I think about it, the more I feel like I’d prefer to just go out with smaller groups of my family if they want to take me out to celebrate. I’m not comfortable, nor do I want a fancy-ish $35pp event for 40 people. I understand it’s about celebrating the bride, but I already feel like I’d be doing this for everyone else, not me.
Did anyone decide against having a bridal shower even though people wanted to throw you one? I’d love to hear some insight/experiences!