(Closed) Did anyone not want a baby, but then have one?

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
8446 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m posting to see responses.  Everyone always told me that I’d want to have children when I got older.  I’m 33 and it still hasn’t happened.  I’m wondering if I need to be older than I am now.  I’d love to see what other bees say.

Post # 5
Member
8422 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m 34 And no kids…. I feel like I’m stuck in the middle. I sometimes say yes and sometimes think no. I know I need to make my mind up soon thou! 

I too want to follow for responses. 

Ive followed some of the pregnancy boards and the thread on the cost of child care scared the shit out of me!! 

Post # 7
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I went back and forth on wanting kids. I’m 29 and my son is almost 2. I got freaked out as we got closer to when we were going to start trying, so we put it off for a bit. I wasn’t sure what motherhood would be like, but I have to say it’s pretty cool. I think the big thing is to talk to other moms to really see what it is like and how your life would change. Darling Husband and I already did mostly family things, so it’s not like I stopped going out for drinks with the girls, since I didn’t do that to begin with. But it still is life changing. Though I can say that I never knew how much I would love my son until he was in my arms. i LOVE him to pieces. I am enamoured with him. I still get away for me time (usually shopping, running or the gym) and we are holding off on # 2 for a while yet.

Just remember there are many ways to be a mom. Some are stay at home moms with many kids close together in age who seem to do it all, and others work out of the home, use daycare, buy baby food and take plenty of me time or alone time. Neither way is “better”.

Post # 8
Member
8422 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@deetroitwhat:  Lol I’m feeling ya totally!  We have 2 doggies that are our babies for now 🙂

Just know you are totally not alone and my clock is 4 years ahead of yours so that should make u feel a little better! 

Post # 10
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

i was always on the fence and we are now TTC.

What it came down to was me picturing life in 30 years. What did I want life to be like? I wanted to be able to have the chance to have the relationship my mom and I have.  That is what finally decided it for me.

I can honestly say though I do not have the baby fever that does seem typical of many women. It just seems like its the next step to take and I am OK with that.

Post # 11
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m stuck in the middle, too — but in a different way.  I want to have all the experiences of being pregnant and raising kiddos with my husband.  I want to expand the little circle of people (and pets!) I love like crazy. 

But, when I think about it logistically — how to work in kids and still have a career and get through day to day life . . . and how so many couples seem so stressed and how they come to resent one another once they have kids . . . and how so many things can go wrong — what if we have a kid with severe problems (I’ve witnessed family members who have had to tackle this and I think it is more than I could handle) . . .

Yeah.  It might be nice.  But it might wreck everything I like about my life now.  I think the only way to be gung-ho is to put little thought into the decision, or to fail to recognize that you have a decision, or to be a far more optimistic person than I am. 

Post # 12
Member
8422 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@ThreeMeers:  Your response is very comforting to hear! I’ve often wondered what the heck was wrong with me bc I don’t have that strong maternal drive.

Post # 14
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think my husband and a great dad and I would love to raise a child of our own… In theory. But right now it’s all about adjusting to our new family… Him, me and his two sons. If he didn’t have two kids already or they didn’t live with us full time, I think we would have one. I would love a surrogate so I could skip the getting huge part, but think Darling Husband would spoil me rotten if I had a belly and needed his help. Pros and cons…

Post # 15
Member
441 posts
Helper bee

@deetroitwhat:  I’m 26, and my husband is almost 32. We’ve been TTC for around 14 months now, and I’m still not sure I want a baby Smile I would love to have the experience of being pregnant and watching a small part of me and my husband grow into his/her own person. But when I think about the pain, worry, money, energy, and time that go into raising a child, it scares me.

Honestly, I enjoy the life I have now, and I don’t have much of a maternal drive (except every once in awhile, like when another person on FB announces a pregnancy, or if one of my hellion nephews does something adorable). All in all, I think I will regret not having a child more than having one because family is very important to both my husband and me. Sometimes it’s hard for me to see the bigger picture without the little worries blocking my view, but I believe it’s better to go into motherhood with your eyes wide open than with the expectation that everything will be sunshine and roses and unicorns.

If a man or woman is adament about not wanting children, then I certainly believe they should not have one. The likelihood of them regretting their decision is much higher, but if you’re on the fence, and it’s important to your husband, I think you’ll change your mind once you see that positive pregnancy test. Having a child is a very personal thing, and it should be entered into with a lot of care, and I think you and your husband will make the right decision for your family.

Post # 16
Member
8446 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@deetroitwhat:  Hmm I had pretty negligent parents, I wonder if having bad parents does have something to do with it. 

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