(Closed) Did anyone opt out on a bridal shower AND a bachelorette party?

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 16
479 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Nope…that was one of the first things I told the maids.  I don’t have a lot of girlfriends anyway, and in terms of the shower I feel awkward having a party to essentially get gifts.  I’m also not into the traditional get wasted and wear phallic plastic jewelry bachelorette party haha.  If you enjoy that stuff, great, have them! But if not you absolutely don’t have to!

ETA: I also HATE being the center of attention, so that has a lot to do with it as well.  The wedding will be hard enough!

Post # 17
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I personally do not want to have either.  A shower doesn’t really make sense to me.  I’d never invite someone to a shower that wouldn’t be invited to our wedding.  So that excuse doesn’t really hold.  If you can’t come to our wedding, I don’t see the need to have to throw a special party just so you can come to something.  And if you have a shower, are people supposed to give you a gift there AND at your wedding?  I don’t want people spending that much money on me.  And a lingere shower?  I’d DIE of embarassment.  We are older, have a home, beautiful custom made furniture, etc so we really don’t NEED anything- we had to really dig for things to register for in the first place.


And as for a bachelorette party? I’d be okay with a weekend at a spa with my bridesmaids and a nice dinner.  Maybe a little shopping somewhere we don’t get to go often.  I would NOT be okay with a bar, plastic penis straws, shots and dancing on the bar.  I haven’t done that since maybe freshman year of college.  No thank you. 

We also have the problem of distance…everyone we know, wedding party, family, friends, etc lives multiple hours away from each other.  So do have a party of any sort is really a big deal and it requires a lot of people to travel for it.  A wedding is asking more than enough from them.

Post # 18
9120 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Yeah, pretty much!  

I live pretty far from my family and my husband’s family, so there was no way I wanted people to feel obligated to fly out for a shower.  And my friends are super awesome but not the traditional showery type.  Fine with me, because they honestly seem like a gift grab to me.  (I’m 31 so maybe that’s part of it.  I already have a blender.)

My husband and I had a joint camping trip bachelor/bachelorette weekend with our local friends – very untraditional.  We mostly just swam in the river and BBQed and drank a lot.  We did do a few fun drunken bach games, but it was more just an excuse for a fun weekend with friends than a “last night of singledom WHOOOOOOOOO celebrate me!” kind of thing.

Post # 19
18626 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I didn’t have either because I didn’t have that many friends locally.  I haven’t really been to many so I don’t know about drama.

Post # 20
183 posts
Blushing bee

I’m so glad this post is here!  I do not like the idea of a shower at all!  I don’t want to play silly games, the decorations are a tacky waste of money, and Fiance and I have lived together for almost four years in a home that we own.  We have worked hard over the years to buy what we need and usually Christmas time provides the household items we need to replace periodically (got new pots and pans this year!).

We are almost 30 and I feel like everything about the shower would be either be embarrassing or just me faking it for the day to make everyone else happy.  Fiance and I both have very different taste from our extended families and very few members respect that about us.  For the most part we go out of our ways to not make anyone feel awkward at their own events, but for our wedding we should be able to have things that reflect us, or at least forego the things we don’t want.

Future Mother-In-Law thinks it’s hysterical to go to Victoria’s Secret and get FDIL’s lingerie to embarrass them at the shower, bc we apparently all remain virgins and think sex is taboo…joke is on her, I own just about every style of lingerie VS makes!  I can just see the shower “Oh I already have this, mama, I hope you got a gift receipt!”  I wouldn’t do that out of respect for her, but just going through the motions sounds exhausting.

Fiance and I have some dietary requirements (some by necessity, some by choice) that usually mean we end up having to take a snack of some sort smuggled in my purse to eat discreetly or we have to eat before most family events because there usually isn’t much we can nosh on.  It makes for a hard time planning a wedding reception (where we either fork out $$ on a menu that will be lost on most of our relatives, or we have to have alternative food just for us), let alone a shower, rehearsal dinner, and all the other activities.

The traditional things just aren’t for everybody anymore!

Post # 21
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

View original reply
vip0802:  I’m so glad you posted this, i thought i was the only one too! Like many earlier posters i’m not comfortable being the center of attention opening gifts at a shower, and i hate going to clubs for a bachelorette party!

I think we are going get brunch and mani/pedis or go to a spa the day before the wedding to relax 🙂

Post # 22
48 posts

I have asked my family and bridal party to NOT throw either for me. We are having a Destination Wedding wedding that is already costing our loved ones a lot of money… I would not be comfortable with then asking our guests to feel the need to spend MORE money hosting our attending an additional event. My Fiance agrees and has given similar instructions to his “guys”.


We are getting married at an All Inclusive resort, and most everyone is arriving 5 days before our actual wedding date, so our plan is to organize a guys activity and a girls activity sometimes over that time period, there at the resort- that wont cost guests any additional $$.

Post # 23
982 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

View original reply
vip0802:  I told my girls I’d be fine without either but they wouldn’t allow it.  lol.  However, knowing that I wasn’t too into the ideas, they really listened to what I WAS okay with.  The shower was a quick lunch and instead of the usual games, they just asked Mr. S some questions and then asked me the same ones and I had to figure out what he answered.  People got a kick out of that one.  

The bachelorette doesn’t have to be drunken drama if you don’t want to.  I wanted to go out and have fun with my girlfriends – I didn’t want to get sick and I wanted to remember absolutely everything.  And you know what?  That’s exactly what I got.  🙂  And I wouldn’t regret a thing about it.  

Just make sure, if you do go for 1 or both events, to make sure they know what YOU want.

Post # 24
894 posts
Busy bee

I didn’t want to go to the bars for my bach party, so what I chose to do was have my close friends (total of 12 invited) to my parents lake cabin (no cost to us!). We are going to play yard games, go boating, maybe swimming, have drinks, and play a couple of games. We will end with a sleepover.

I didn’t want any drama so I was very mindful of who I was inviting and the girls will be great!

Post # 25
1063 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014 - Kentucky Center for the Performing Arts

I opted out as we went ahead and got legally married 3months before we had our family ceremony/reception. So when it came time to have those things I didn’t feel the need to because I was already married. However, 5 of my co-workers took me to dinner the week of the big ceremony at Olive Garden and gave me gifts as a way to celebrate my marriage and like a mini bridal shower. I didn’t miss not having a bachelorette party at all.

Post # 26
717 posts
Busy bee

I’m passing on a bridal shower.  A party where people gift me kitchen stuff and lingerie?  I’m a simple girl, I buy my own pots and I buy my own panties.

As for a bachlorette however, quality time with my closest girlfriends?  Why not!

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