Post # 1
My parents are still married, but I am not close to my dad at all. He has gone out of his way to argue with me and disagree about everything, and we just don’t get along. A father/daughter dance would probably be the most awkward 3 minutes of my life, no exaggeration. My Fiance isn’t really close to him mother either.
I’m a little worried that my dad and his mom might be offended when we don’t have one, or that other guests might start asking about it. There’s also a song I’d love to dedicate to my mom, as I’ve always been super close to her, but I know I shouldn’t when I’m not traditionally honoring my dad.
Has anyone else NOT done a father/daughter dance? How’d it go?
And can anyone think of something I could do to make my dad feel honored without doing the dance?
Post # 3
I had those dances for my wedding but I recently went to a wedding where they didn’t have either of those dances. I didn’t realize it was missing until after the wedding was over. I hear the bride and groom had problems with her father liking the song and so the bride decided not to have the dance. And the grooms’s mom didn’t want the dance either.
I have no idea how their parents really felt about not having it. Both of their parents seem pretty cool so I would guess that they were fine with it.
Post # 4
We’re not having them. My dad and I have a “regard each other as adults” kind of non-close relationship, and Fiance and his mom are close, just not emotionally…if that makes sense. It would just be awkward for both of us, so we’re not doing them.
Post # 5
Not close to my father, so I definitely won’t be doing the dance. I don’t know what Fiance plans on doing. Though I guess it would be odd to have one without the other… eh, oh well. LoL.
Is your dad walking you down the aisle? I’d say that would be “honor” enough if the two of you truly don’t get along. Play the song for your mom if you really want to! If she deserves to be honored, it is what it is.. don’t let a not so good relationship with your father cast a shadow over your close relationship with your mom. :o)
Post # 6
Thing is, I’m afraid my dad WILL expect the dance and will be hurt if I don’t have one. I’m not sure if I should mention it to my mom and have her drop the hint, tell him myself, or just wait for him to find out at the dance when it doesn’t happen…
Both of my parents will walk me down the aisle togther. If I could choose I’d just have my mom do it, but I’m not that cruel 😛 It will be less awkward if they’re both there I think, even if it’s not 100% ideal.
I know that my mom deserves to be honored and I really want to, but I think that would really hurt my dad and that’s not my intention at all.
I’m just stuck on what to do.
Post # 7
My father passed away in 2009. I am thinking about asking my groom’s Grandfather to walk me and have my first dance with me
Post # 8
I see no problem with skipping the parent dances all together but if you do want to honor your parents, have you thought about doing a combined dance? My step-dad isn’t much of a dancer and in all reality, it was my mom who raised me so I want to honor her. She and I, as well as Fiance and his mom, will be doing a combined parent dance and half-way through the DJ will invite all parents/children onto the dance floor. We knew we wanted to honor our parents but the thought of individual 3 minute songs couldn’t be further from appealing so we opted to go the combined/guest participation route. Our parents will still feel honored, no-one will think anything is missing (though I agree with the PP’s, it’s probably not something I would miss if I was a guest) and our guests will be able to participate.
If you wanted to do something like this, you could start off with one parent then half way through switch to the other parent. If you happen to have any siblings, the guest participation could work out perfectly for you since your sibling could then dance with the parent you’re not currently dancing with.
Post # 9
If it doesn’t work for you, that’s fine and I think you should skip it. Just keep in mind that you might be hurting their feelings if you skip it, and you should give them lots of notice and discuss it.
It doens’t make sense for us to do it really because Fiance isn’t close with his mom, and my dad died in 2003. We are going to do them though because Future Mother-In-Law would lose her mind if we left that out I’m sure (she’d take it as a personal slight) and I’m very close to my grandfather, so I’ll have that dance with him if he can make it.
I would just caution you to be careful you’re not offending anyone and be thoughtful in how you discuss it with them.
Post # 10
I’m skipping it. But my dad is still walking me down the aisle. Like another bee said, I’ve been to weddings were it wasn’t missed at all. If you don’t want to do it, you don’t have to!
Post # 11
I wish I could steer away from them. His mother really wants to have a mother/son dance though. I told her that I felt awkward because I wouldn’t have a father/daughter dance because my father was never in my life. I obviously won’t deny her of having that moment with Fiance though. I’m happy for them.
Post # 12
This is one of those traditions I feel is a bit silly and outdated so we wont be doing it. I’ve been to plenty of weddings where it hasn’t been done and nobody seems to care. If you don’t want to do it, don’t.
Post # 13
I wanted to skip them altogether. Darling Husband really wanted them so I caved. Unfortunately, his mother ended up being hospitalized right before the wedding and couldn’t be there. So I scrapped my dance (since I really didn’t want to do it anyway). No one noticed.
Post # 14
@UpstateCait: I don’t have any siblings, but maybe I can awkwardly dance with both my parents at once, heh. That’s an idea, thanks!
@thursdayschild: That’s what I’m worried about, that my dad might be hurt and although we don’t get along, I don’t want to intentionally upset him.
Considering it’s been years and years since we’ve even hugged though, I feel like a slow dance would be pretty uncomfortable. I know the guests probably won’t miss it… I think my family will though. Thanks for the advice everyone! I think maybe I’ll do the awkward combined dance with both parents, it will be less awkward than the father/daughter dance anyway.
Post # 15
we arent going to do either. just our dance and then we will dance the night awawyyyy
Post # 16
My father is deceased and I’m on good terms with my step father, but still…we did a parent- child dance and invited all our guests to join us. Significantly less awkward. ABBA’s ” Dancing Queen” is my mom’s favorite song, so when that played later, we all danced to that. It was more fun and relaxed than anything formal.