(Closed) Did anyone's SO pretend to be iffy on marriage to surprise propose?

posted 6 years ago in Proposals
Post # 2
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m not sure. I dated someone for years too and we got engaged because he wanted to shut me up, so I know how you’re feeling.?Crazy right? But your SO says “eventually” so maybe wait until a certain point like 3 more months or so, & then have a timeline talk.

My bf always tells me that when we talk about being engaged it makes men not want to do it. I guess he means he doesn’t wanna feel forced into it.

Post # 3
Member
836 posts
Busy bee

I’ve seen a couple posts here and there about bees who gave up all hope and were surprised very soon after. But it seems more like the exception than the rule. I highly recomment another timeline talk after the holidays, not pressuring of course (although I know it can be hard), but just express your sadness and why the waiting makes you said. Take the time to really be honestly to yourself that if it’s just because your friends and cousins are doing it, then it may be best you aren’t engaged right now.

Post # 4
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

If he says it’s not happening, it’s not happening. Sorry to put that so bluntly, it sucks to wait, but guys are usually pretty honest when it comes to not want to get married.

Post # 5
Member
4501 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

No. I think if a man says he is not ready yet he means it.

Post # 7
Member
4180 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
DancinDarlin:  Well, I think every situation is different. In the weeks leading up to my proposal, my Fiance (then SO) would say things like, “Ewww, why would I want to marry you?” in a playful way anytime I brought up a proposal/wedding. It was getting a little irritating because I couldn’t get him to have a serious conversation about it, but come to find out it was just because he was nervous about blurting out that he had bought the ring.

I think in your case, if your SO is saying he isn’t ready, he may not be ready yet. I really wouldn’t get your hopes up, it would just lead to disappointment. I would try to focus on the good in your relationship now. If your SO has promised it will happen someday, I would just lift the pressure for now. If it’s something you feel strongly about, maybe a serious conversation after the holidays is what’s in order.

Post # 8
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
DancinDarlin:  I’ve known of a few women who waited out their noncommittal boyfriends.  I know others that walked away and never looked back.  The latter seem a lot happier in their marriages.  

Post # 9
Member
3212 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Let’s pretend marriage doesn’t exist. Do you feel like he is 100% in this relationship and committed to you? If yes, don’t stress. If no, I’d have a serious talk with him about how things are headed and why.

Post # 10
Hostess
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I may be in the small minority but my fiance did just that… He had the bring custom made and totally made me think marriage was a long way in the future.. Even on the drive to the location he proposed he said a comment about me having to wait a while for a ring, and 10 mins later he is asking me to spend the rest of my life with him… So in my case, he tried to throw me off by pretending marriage wasn’t happening soon when in reality he was planning it out the whole time.. It depends on the situation though, hopefully yours will turn out the way you hope!

Post # 11
Member
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
MrsMeowton:  Agreed! If it’s done in a playful way, then maybe he might be trying to hide it so you don’t guess. But if it’s completely serious, he’s probably just not there yet.

My DH and I would talk about “When we get married…” etc and then suddenly, the month before we got engaged he started saying “if we get married…” Apparently I was too close to figuring it out and he really wanted to surprise me. That being said, I could tell he was kind of toying with me in a silly way to confuse me rather than just suddenly having second thoughts.

Post # 12
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

No. Guys do that on Tv, and in romcoms. Not in real life.

If he says he isn’t ready to get married,  it’s because he isn’t ready to get married. 

Post # 13
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2015

My fiancé and I definitely agreed engagement was in our future, but he did have me believing that it was going to be a year or so down the road. We had only been dating a little over 2 years, so I wasn’t in a huge hurry. However he completely surprised me with the proposal. The way he was talking before the proposal made me think it wouldn’t happen anytime soon. We didn’t really talk specifics though, so I don’t know if he was trying to actively throw me off the trail or if I was just assuming when he talked about “the future” that it meant a ways off. 

Post # 14
Member
5362 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

My friend had this happen. They’ve been together for 5 years and everytime she would bring up marriage he would change the subject and honestly made her believe that it would never happen. She gave up all hope. He proposed on Thanksgiving night in front of all her family!

Post # 15
Member
9527 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

While I don’t doubt that it ever happens (I mean, there are a couple examples on this thread of it happening), I think these cases are rare exceptions.

If my SO was expressing any “iffyness” on marriage, I’d sooner default to him actually being iffy on marriage rather than him just throwing me off.

The latter is just pretty unlikely and would only put me up for disappointment. 

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