Post # 1
Maybe this is a long shot, but I am trying to have some ounce of hope that my SO is going to really surprise me with a proposal in the somewhat near future. We have been together for about five and a half years and I am soooo tired of waiting. :'( My cousin is going to be married for a second time since I have been with my SO lol. My ex best friend had three to four different relationships, got engaged and then married during the course of my relationship with my SO…You get the picture. My SO is fully aware that I am waiting and getting tired of waiting. He says “he knows” the expectation, and he says he does want to marry me “eventually” but he’s “not there” right now. So I guess I am just wondering if anyone else’s SO acted like that but really had plans to propose all along? I just don’t want to think I could be waiting another few years before it finally happens, if it even happens at all. 🙁
This topic was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by DancinDarlin.
Post # 2
I’m not sure. I dated someone for years too and we got engaged because he wanted to shut me up, so I know how you’re feeling.?Crazy right? But your SO says “eventually” so maybe wait until a certain point like 3 more months or so, & then have a timeline talk.
My bf always tells me that when we talk about being engaged it makes men not want to do it. I guess he means he doesn’t wanna feel forced into it.
Post # 3
I’ve seen a couple posts here and there about bees who gave up all hope and were surprised very soon after. But it seems more like the exception than the rule. I highly recomment another timeline talk after the holidays, not pressuring of course (although I know it can be hard), but just express your sadness and why the waiting makes you said. Take the time to really be honestly to yourself that if it’s just because your friends and cousins are doing it, then it may be best you aren’t engaged right now.
Post # 4
If he says it’s not happening, it’s not happening. Sorry to put that so bluntly, it sucks to wait, but guys are usually pretty honest when it comes to not want to get married.
Post # 5
No. I think if a man says he is not ready yet he means it.
Post # 6
Thanks for y’all’s responses. I guess it is best not to get my hopes up (as much as I am able to control it) but I do want to make it clear, I don’t want to get engaged just because I see others doing it. That was just to stress the point that it has gotten frustrating that it has been SO LONG that I’ve seen others start and end multiple relationships, get engaged, and married, all over the course of time that I have been with my SO and just waiting for it to progress. My hope was to get married between undergraduate and professional school. Now I am in my second year of professional school (4 year program). I did already give him an end all walk time for being engaged- the end of my professional school. But if he really makes me wait even that long I would be really unhappy. I just wasn’t sure if I was maybe underestimating him.
Post # 7
Well, I think every situation is different. In the weeks leading up to my proposal, my Fiance (then SO) would say things like, “Ewww, why would I want to marry you?” in a playful way anytime I brought up a proposal/wedding. It was getting a little irritating because I couldn’t get him to have a serious conversation about it, but come to find out it was just because he was nervous about blurting out that he had bought the ring.
I think in your case, if your SO is saying he isn’t ready, he may not be ready yet. I really wouldn’t get your hopes up, it would just lead to disappointment. I would try to focus on the good in your relationship now. If your SO has promised it will happen someday, I would just lift the pressure for now. If it’s something you feel strongly about, maybe a serious conversation after the holidays is what’s in order.
Post # 8
I’ve known of a few women who waited out their noncommittal boyfriends. I know others that walked away and never looked back. The latter seem a lot happier in their marriages.
Post # 9
Let’s pretend marriage doesn’t exist. Do you feel like he is 100% in this relationship and committed to you? If yes, don’t stress. If no, I’d have a serious talk with him about how things are headed and why.
Post # 10
I may be in the small minority but my fiance did just that… He had the bring custom made and totally made me think marriage was a long way in the future.. Even on the drive to the location he proposed he said a comment about me having to wait a while for a ring, and 10 mins later he is asking me to spend the rest of my life with him… So in my case, he tried to throw me off by pretending marriage wasn’t happening soon when in reality he was planning it out the whole time.. It depends on the situation though, hopefully yours will turn out the way you hope!
Post # 11
Agreed! If it’s done in a playful way, then maybe he might be trying to hide it so you don’t guess. But if it’s completely serious, he’s probably just not there yet.
My DH and I would talk about “When we get married…” etc and then suddenly, the month before we got engaged he started saying “if we get married…” Apparently I was too close to figuring it out and he really wanted to surprise me. That being said, I could tell he was kind of toying with me in a silly way to confuse me rather than just suddenly having second thoughts.
Post # 12
No. Guys do that on Tv, and in romcoms. Not in real life.
If he says he isn’t ready to get married, it’s because he isn’t ready to get married.
Post # 13
My fiancé and I definitely agreed engagement was in our future, but he did have me believing that it was going to be a year or so down the road. We had only been dating a little over 2 years, so I wasn’t in a huge hurry. However he completely surprised me with the proposal. The way he was talking before the proposal made me think it wouldn’t happen anytime soon. We didn’t really talk specifics though, so I don’t know if he was trying to actively throw me off the trail or if I was just assuming when he talked about “the future” that it meant a ways off.
Post # 14
My friend had this happen. They’ve been together for 5 years and everytime she would bring up marriage he would change the subject and honestly made her believe that it would never happen. She gave up all hope. He proposed on Thanksgiving night in front of all her family!
Post # 15
While I don’t doubt that it ever happens (I mean, there are a couple examples on this thread of it happening), I think these cases are rare exceptions.
If my SO was expressing any “iffyness” on marriage, I’d sooner default to him actually being iffy on marriage rather than him just throwing me off.
The latter is just pretty unlikely and would only put me up for disappointment.