(Closed) Did FI invite people you don’t like/know?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Did FI invite friends you don't like/know?
    We only invited friends we both like/know : (4 votes)
    7 %
    We invited friends we both agreed on (didn't always like/know but agreed they should be invited) : (22 votes)
    41 %
    We agreed on most friends but we vetoed each others guest lists and we were fine with that : (4 votes)
    7 %
    We agreed on most friends but we vetoed each others guest lists and we argued about it : (2 votes)
    4 %
    We separated our guest lists entirely, and both invited who we wanted : (18 votes)
    33 %
    Other : (4 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    12955 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Fiance works in a smaller office with a very close-knit team in the office.  Aside from working together all day, they also eat lunch together, and some of them hang out outside of the office.  Our guest list was already bursting (our venue has a capacity of 170, and I have 30 first cousins alone..), and he decided to add every one of his coworkers (about 15 people) plus their significant others (add another 10).  Of all of these people, one couple hangs out with us regularly.  We decided to include the one couple on our A List, and put the rest of them on a B list, so we could invite them if space permitted.  I don’t want to not include his coworkers, but at the same time, I’m not going to not invite my immediate family so his coworkers and their siginificant others can have a fun night out at my expense.

    The guest list has been by far the hardest part of the event.  Fiance has a small family, but invited basically as many people as I did (they included cousins of the parents, people Fiance has never met, etc).  I just keep telling myself, it’ll all work out in the end.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2195 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    My inlaws invited a lot of people I had never met before. A lot of them were introducing themselves to me at the wedding–which I just felt sort of strange about. There was also one crazy lady that kept following me around taking pictures of my friends and me…I still don’t know who she was.

    Post # 5
    Member
    515 posts
    Busy bee

    We’ve agreed mostly because he knows the friends I’m going to invite and I’ve met most of the people he’ll invite. A lot of these people are military so most won’t be able to make it, especially on my end. Sad, haha.

    One person that really sticks out as strange to me as far as getting an invite is this girl he met at tech school. She had a huuuuge crush on him, that he didn’t reciprocate. He hasn’t seen or really kept in contact with her for the better part of a year now. We’re only recently engaged, but he told me the other day that after she saw our engagement on facebook, she told him congratulations and said she ‘better be invited!’ I’ve never even met this girl! He told her she wasn’t invited, jokingly, haha. And she said she’d just find out where it’s at and crash! Blah blah blah, he told her she could be invited if she wanted to be. I just thought it was so strange of her! Don’t get me wrong, I don’t really care if she’s invited, but it was like she invited herself in the strangest way.

    ETA: Just wanted to add, a few days before we got engaged, his ex sent him a message (because she randomly does this to both of us) just trying to have a little chat about how she can’t get in the military as a single parent and he told her to marry her fiance annnnnd she basically said she doesn’t want to marry her fiance in case ‘things from the past come back around’ implying my FI! He almost choked on the cookie he was eating from laughing so hard. She’s not going to be invited obviously, but we just thought it was funny. 🙂

    Post # 6
    Member
    891 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    The majority of attendees of FI’s side I don’t know and probably won’t meet until the wedding. He grew up in a small town and his parent’s have ALOT of close family friends and all of them are invited.

    I had a few reservations about this at the beginning, but it’s important to Fiance as these are people he grew up with and has known all his life. I’m just fine with it now. My Father-In-Law are great people of the friends I have met, I really like them so I’m excited to meet more!

    Post # 7
    Member
    2106 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    We started out creating 2 separate guest lists. We combined them and deleted duplicates. THEN  (here’s a big thing) we marked every person I hadn’t met yet on the list. He had met all of my people, but he was in a frat and I think he overestimated some of his friendships. We got engaged 11 months before the wedding. I told him we would remove anyone I hadn’t met by 8 months before the wedding, exception: anyone out of state. 

    It worked perfectly. We dated for 3 years. If I hadn’t met them after three years, why SHOULD they be at our wedding? He had 3 months to introduce me to anyone who hadn’t come up in 3 years. I think only one of those people made it. Those who didn’t make FI’s friendship a priority for 3 years still didn’t for those three months. 

    As for the ladies, Fiance only still talks to 1 girl he’s ever slept with, and I’m pretty sure that’s stopped by now. They were pen-pals because she traveled a lot. They wrote twice a year if that. He would never put me in a social situation with an Ex. One ex is still sometimes around a mutual friend. I actually went to a bachelorette with her. She’s nice.

    I hate one of FI’s work friends. Male, infinitely immature, rude, argumentative, etc. Ever since I said,”I hate That Guy,” That Guy has not been invited to our parties. If I had not hated him, he might have ended up on our wedding list. I’m a little shocked by who your SO is inviting to this party. Out of respect for you, he shouldn’t be bringing these people around. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    741 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    FI’s guest list is really limited just the close friends he really wants there, it’s probably a total of maybe 6 people. I on the other hand have invited a lot more, although for the most part Fiance is friends with my friends and their husbands. I think there are about two couples I’m inviting who I know through school which Fiance doesn’t know too well, yet they’ve been over to our apartment at least once (and one of them invited us to their wedding). His parents have invited over half of the guests, but they are also paying for half the wedding. 

    We did have a debate for one couple. A guy Fiance knew through his school married a Turkish woman, and we both bonded over the expat thing for a while. We had a minor falling out and haven’t talked in over a year, although I was surprised Fiance didn’t want to invite the husband… I did lose sleep over it because I thought I was getting in the way of his friendships. I brought it up with Fiance, and I guess if the wife and I didn’t get close for a while, he probably would have never seen the husband after school ended. We decided not to invite them because we haven’t talked to them in so long, although I made it clear to Fiance he could if he wanted. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    1013 posts
    Bumble bee

    My SO will probably want to invite his best friends brother. Problem is he got married to his ex, who hates us, and said because she hates us we werent allowed at his wedding…though ALLL his friends and family went.  So we’ll see.  I actually really like the guy, but i dont need her petty attidude at my one day. 

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    In your case, I would say don’t invite anyone but the pyscho wife (sadly). There’s no reason to have an ex-girlfriend at a wedding unless they’re still friends (and if you have other reasons, I’m thinking at the least, it’s not a healthy relationship). Unless he’s bff’s with sex/budoir photo girl, she doesn’t really need to be there either. Just tell him you’re uncomfortable with it.

    Darling Husband wanted to invite a ton of people I’d never met (and we dated for 3.5 years!), but I convinced him not to so we could keep the guest list down. Unless you guys have a huge amount of guests, someone will have to be cut. Just put their names down to be cut first.

    Post # 11
    Member
    124 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    My future in-law’s are inviting a bunch of people I’ve never met and some my FI’s only met once or not at all. I’m a little nervous about it because I’m not too comfortable around people I don’t know all too well. Fiance and I don’t have many friends but we each know each other’s friends. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    5494 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Hmmm I chose other.  We never really had debates about the guest list.  We just both invited who we wanted whether or not our SO had met them.  For instance Darling Husband had work people or friends out of state of hiking friends that I had never met because I just wasn’t involved in that part of his life.  But I had no issue inviting them because obviously it’s his wedding too and he wanted them there.  Similarly I invited people Darling Husband never met.

    Post # 14
    Member
    143 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    ladyartichoke I have the same issue as you and your FI’s ex. He has an old flame that is still one of his close friends. She is definitely attention seeking, over opinionated, and basically just annoying to me but I would feel like a jerk saying she isn’t invited. 

    I’m curious, what would you have done if she could make it? I have a feeling I won’t care but it does rattle me a little every time I think of her being there. 

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