(Closed) Did Having a Baby “Ruin” Your Vagina?

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Please check those that apply to you.

    I had a vaginal delivery and am happy that I did.

    I had a vaginal delivery and wish I’d had a c-section.

    I had a vaginal delivery and my vagina looks different now.

    I had a vaginal delivery and my vagina feels worse now/sex is worse.

    I had a vaginal delivery and my vagina feels the exact same as before.

    I had a vaginal delivery and my vagina feels better now/sex has improved.

    I had a c-section and am happy that I did.

    I had a c-section and wish I’d had a vaginal delivery.

    I had a c-section and sex has gotten worse for me.

  • Post # 32
    9948 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Sorry, ladies as a bit of an Oldie here (50+) … I am kind of chuckling at this topic

    Really? Is this frickin Old Wives Tale STILL making the rounds ???

    Think about it, it is the same stupid stuff you heard and might have believed when you first found out about sex as a little girl …

    Remember when were all freaked out about where babies came from ???

    The Vagina / Uterus is the most incredible muscle / organ in the ENTIRE Human Race.  In that something the size of a plum can expand to accommodate a baby that weighs more than 10 lbs (BTW, biggest baby in history came in at just over 23 Lbs), and the birth canal (aka your fun zone) can expand to take on the baby’s head & shoulders during delivery.

    Or even more freaked out about boys and the idea of he’s “gonna put what where”…

    Or how about when you first used a tampon and had so much trouble, or lost your virginity and things were rather snug?

    How about how even as a grown woman, these things can still happen ? (dryness / not turned on enough)

    Honestly, after childbirth everything goes back to normal

    Most guys will tell you they don’t find a difference… they are just happy to be getting laid again… after a “dry spell”… an honest guy will tell you that !!

    We ladies “think there might be a difference” cause we can’t get past the fact that the NEW person we hold in our arms came out of there… or we feel different emotionally as a Mom… we may even have different ideas about WHO we are as a wife, mother (or sexually).  Certainly some women become more critical of other things that have changed about us physically post pregnancy… stretch marks, little more weight, bigger boobs, not so flat tummies, maybe a c-section scar or pooch… but the guys who really LOVE their women not really notice these things so much as we do.  They just are happy to be with someone they love so much, who also happens to be the mother of their children… and they are amazed by that… and honour and love her even more than they did prior to the pregnancy

    If you do as the Doctor has advised you, and wait the full time allotted for yourself to heal properly, then everything should be back to normal.  Not waiting, and sure, there are going to be issues…  the least of which could be how things feel.  Having sex before you’ve healed up properly can actually be dangerous to your health !!

    The guys who do make a big deal out of a woman’s changes post pregnancy… or even would somehow manage to say “you don’t feel the same down there”… are well… quite frankly jerks.  And don’t DESERVE you.  Sadly, there are men who don’t deal well with pregnancy… they might not have been the best men to marry period, but we did anyhow.  After the baby comes (sometimes before) these less than stellar men will find excuses to “wander”.  They are like little boys who never grew up.  Being a Mom & Dad is real life.  They don’t do well with real life.  They want “the fantasy” woman… these are the guys who don’t do well with a woman becoming anything other than the girl she was the day they married… so they tend to stray… and go out looking for that “younger female fantasy girlfriend” again.  These are the jerks you hear about who’s wives caught them cheating during pregnancy… or shortly after the baby’s birth.

    They are to most women, the scum of the earth !!  These are the guys who are accountable for this Old Wives Tale… they need a reason to justify their behaviour, and this one to them seems like an easy one… even though it truly isn’t based in fact what-so-ever

    If anything, sexuality reports findings show that in a LOVING & HEALTHY relationship sex gets better after babies (and it doesn’t matter if they were vaginal births or c-sections).  Because the bond between the man and woman (with baby) is reinforced / stronger.  Women most certainly get more comfortable with their bodies… and tend to be able to have more or better orgasms.  Lol, just ask any woman in her 30s, 40s or 50s !!

    As a woman “of a certain age”… I can tell you that the only downside to having a baby and sex, is the complicated equation of not being exhausted, and finding time when you and hubby can get it on.  Which is why although not terribly romantic, it is advised that couples “make play dates” for each other !!  And also plan some “dirty weekends” away… preferably with baby stowed comfortably with a Grandparent, or a reliable Babysitter.  A family is about the 3 of you, a marriage about the 2 of you… important to not forget the latter.

    Hope this helps,

    PS… Get out your pens… mark your calendars… schedule a “play date with your hubby” and a “dirty weekend away” and get busy !!  There are BIG O’s out there with your name on them !!

    Post # 34
    1540 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I was wondering if women who had vaginal births had their husbands watch the baby come out? My SO worries it might be too much for him to watch and would stay up at my face. What did your partners do?

    Post # 35
    468 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I’m scared!!!

    Post # 36
    2810 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Every woman will experience something different with this.

    I’m being 100% honest though when I say that my vagina is pretty much unchanged.

    I’ve had one baby, vaginally and tore slightly, requiring a few stitches.

    I did have some pain for about 6 months after birth. My doctor explained that because i was breastfeeding, the lack of estrogen in my system would cause the perenium to heal much slower, that’s why I was sore for so long… but now, sex is better than before, and I’m not really any less “tight.”

    I think in my case, having a baby helped as sex was very uncomfortable pre-baby. I have pain issues with sex… vaginitis.

    After baby though, things are progressively getting better..DH thinks everything feels just the same, actually he’s more crazy about gettin’ it on now than ever..hahah…

    and I’m enjoying sex more, so I can’t complain!

    Post # 37
    2810 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    View original reply
    @memo:  My DH watched. I told him he didn’t have to, but when the nurse asked, he went ahead and looked. He thought it was really neat to see our DD starting to come out. lol He didn’t regret it for a moment 🙂

    Post # 38
    676 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I haven’t noticed a difference at all. I had a vaginal delivery and an episiotomy as well as being torn on top of that, there was a lot of stitches. After all the healing and such it felt much tighter at first, possibly because it had been a few months and there was scar tissue but I feel now like I always have and kaegels certainly help

    Post # 39
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2008

    Well I had a scheduled c section due to a breech baby.  I found recovery very easy, sex was exactly the same after, and our sex life remains great.  I am quite scared about the longer term after effects of a vaginal birth.  I am very interested in this poll as we plan to have another and I struggle with whether i want to attempt a vbac or do another c section.  I think my c section recovery was far easier than my friends who had vaginal deliveries and my sex life def was back to normal faster (6weeks vs months)

    Post # 40
    1566 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I had a vaginal delivery almost 4 years ago….sex feels the same but my vagina is a little more ‘deflated’ looking than before.  Like the lips ‘caved in’ a bit.  DD is totally worth any vagina disfiguration!! LOL

    Post # 41
    129 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    Another lurker bumping the thread… Hehehe

    Post # 42
    4354 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Bump! Any other bees want to talk about their beat up vagina? Hahaha

    Post # 46
    4272 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I am due in January and this is my first pregnancy. I can only answer for my sister who had a terrible experience, a vaginal prolapse. It is still “ruined” I guess you can say and she dosn’t like to talk about it and she dosn’t want any more children. I never even heard of that before. Alittle background, she did not know she was pregnant until 5 months in I guess. Still smoked and gained an unhealthy amount of weight. So I wouldn’t say she was the most healthy.

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