(Closed) Did He Ask For Your Parents Blessing Before Or After He Got The Ring? (Poll)

posted 5 years ago in Proposals
  • poll: Did he ask for your parent/s blessing before or after he got the ring?

    Had the ring before asking for blessing

    Got blessing and then got the ring

    Don't know

  • Post # 31
    Member
    1470 posts
    Bumble bee

    My fiance talked to both of my parents in person first, and so did my sister’s husband.  I LOVED when I found out he did that, but I would’ve said yes either way.

    I think all the judgey “He didn’t ask. I make my own decisions” comments are a little rude.. it may not be permission in 2015, but it’s still cool for your fiance to take that step, be able to hang out with your family without you, be brave enough to see what their thoughts are.  I get that not all families are set up for this to be possible, but judging others for following this particular tradition is immature.

    Post # 32
    Member
    6245 posts
    Bee Keeper

    No he didnt. He’s 40, im 38 and I’m not ‘owned’ anyway. Together, we told my mum before we announced it and Fiance did it in a cute way that made her feel special. But he did that for her, not to ask permission. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    640 posts
    Busy bee

    Fiance didnt tell ANYONE he was planning to propose. I am not close with my Dad and Fiance has only met him a couple of times in the 6years we have been together. It wouldnt have been natural for him to do that, I have been independent from my parents for 7/8 years only speaking on ocassion. 

    If he were to ‘ask/tell’ anyone i would have thought it would have been my grandma, Fiance said he didnt tell anyone as he didnt want the pressure and it was between us. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    183 posts
    Blushing bee

    View original reply
    annonywhatwhat:  We are both the old fashioned type and admire chivalry so he knew he had better ask for consent lol. It was much more romantic that way and my parents truly appreciated the gesture and being taken out and officially asked!

    Post # 35
    Member
    183 posts
    Blushing bee

    View original reply
    UK-bee:  I just wanted to point out that asking for permission is irrelevant to being “owned”. Your parents are your parents because they gave birth to you. For many people who have a good relationship with their parents, its a sign of respect to them to ask them their blessing. 

    Post # 36
    Member
    183 posts
    Blushing bee

    View original reply
    MrsMtoBE2016:  That is beautiful!!!! Its such a sweet and loving gesture to acknowledge the parents and family, and to show that respect 🙂

    Post # 37
    Member
    183 posts
    Blushing bee

    View original reply
    Kaymar:  lol i really dont get all these snarky comments!

     It has nothing to do with making your own choices or having your own mind or being grown up. Its an act of respect and kindness to include the parents that gave birth to the person you want to marry. Its a gesture of respect and consideration because in reality its two families that are marrying into eachother and it promotes that unity for those couples who have strong relationships with their parents.

    Post # 38
    Member
    6245 posts
    Bee Keeper

    View original reply
    happylady1989:  yeah yeah I get you, that’s why my Fiance was smart enough to let my mum in on our ‘secret’ and tell her before we officially announced our engagement. He actually asked her if she’d do him a favour. She said yes what did he need and then he said “would you do us the honour of accompanying your daughter down the isle to marry me?’.   of course much excited squeeling and tears ensued amongst the 3 of us.   

    i think there is a distinction in modern times to be made between ‘blessing’ and ‘permission’. 

    Post # 39
    Member
    1321 posts
    Bumble bee

    I would also like to add that there are lots of judgey comments coming from both positions….

    respect and family unity looks different to each family. It’s great yours felt the need/wanted to ask permission, but I was raised to be strong, independent, and well-poised to make my own personal decisions in which my parents have no business (not saying those that ask aren’t). If my Fiance had asked my dad or mom for permission, they would have laughed and said why are you asking? You don’t need our permission. 

    There are lots of ways to show respect to your future in laws, like a PP said about including them in your plans, etc. but the word permission itself stems from an old historical practice of treating women as first property of their dads, and transfering that property to the husband. If it means something else to you, fantastic. But don’t in turn judge those for not wanting to participate in that. Kind of like the name-changing deal a lot of us struggle with. There are positions across the board on practices, how they relate to the original meaning of the practice, what it means to the individual woman or man, and how they choose to go about it. 

    The topic ‘Did He Ask For Your Parents Blessing Before Or After He Got The Ring? (Poll)’ is closed to new replies.

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