(Closed) Did he ask your dad before proposing?

posted 5 years ago in Traditions
  • poll: Did your FI ask your dad permission to marry you before proposing?
    Yes : (187 votes)
    65 %
    No : (99 votes)
    35 %
  • Post # 106
    Member
    248 posts
    Helper bee

    MrsA44: My fiance did. I was shocked, since my fiance doesn’t really back this tradition. But he sat both of my parents down and asked they would give him their blessing. It wasn’t something I required, but he knew it meant a great deal to my parents, as asking for permission is deeply rooted within my culture. It made my parents love him even more. 

    Post # 107
    Member
    1099 posts
    Bumble bee

    Mine did…. and we already live together, with our kids from other relationships and the child we had together two years ago! He still felt it ‘right’ to ask. My dad wasn’t expecting it but definitely appreciated it. 

    And half my dang family knew before I did because my dad has a big mouth AND because he just had to tell this story of how my fiance asked him first. I started getting texts from aunts asking when the last time I’d gotten a manicure LOL … 

    Post # 108
    Member
    1189 posts
    Bumble bee

    He didn’t ask, but he talked to both my parents and let them know he was proposing. 

    Post # 109
    Member
    546 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I don’t like this tradition, but I knew my dad’s feelings would be hurt if he didn’t do it, so he did. 

    Post # 110
    Member
    940 posts
    Busy bee

    He asked my dad and my grandmother before he proposed. Him actually asking my grandmother meant more in the End because she passed away 1 week Before we were married. Knowing she got to be a part of it before she died ended up being really special to me.

    Post # 111
    Member
    1241 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2016

    I am a feminist and hate this tradition. My parents got to know my Fiance very well throughout the 4 years we dated and never brought up any reservations about him. I value my parents’ opinions but I’m not their property to be given away to a man. I made it clear to my Fiance that if/when he proposed I wouldn’t want him to ask my parents first. He was glad to be off the hook, and my parents weren’t offended because they know my personality and understand that I don’t subscribe to traditions for tradition’s sake.

    Post # 112
    Member
    11 posts
    Newbee

    If it’s important to you and your family, and he loves and respects you and your family, then he should have no problem asking your Dad (or both your parents).  It was basically a rule in my house.  You don’t want to offend your future in-laws.  He’s just stating his intent and this will probably be met with happiness, nothing to be scared about there.

    Post # 113
    Member
    81 posts
    Worker bee

    No, because despite being fairly conservative and very religious,  my father told my fiance if he dared ask permission to marry his (my dad’s) independent, adult daughter, Dad would say no and tell me to run far, far away. And I know Dad, he would have and I’d have ran away.

    We actually got the church to bless our engagement first (Friday), then had dinner with our parents who we were planning on visiting that weekend. Grandma had her church perform the blessing again, but that’s ok.

    Fiance was actually going to ask me at dinner on Saturday, but when he picked the ring up on Friday to bring it with, he got home to pick me up, got the SUV loaded so we could pick up the dogs right after church, got in, I’m driving because he’s Mr Antsy and fiddling with his phone.  Get to the light and he asks to stop at McDonald’s for a drink.  Asks me to marry him as we wait in the drive thru lane.  Then I couldn’t drive.

    Post # 114
    Member
    74 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    My Fiance did not, actually he said it did not even cross his mind. Afterward, my dad was slightly upset because he is old fashioned, but quickly was not anymore. He loves my fiance, and was very happy for us. 

    He just has issues seeing his only baby girl grow up! Tissues at the wedding please! 

    Post # 115
    Member
    347 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    I specifically told him not to. I find the idea of being ‘owned’ by a man to be quite offensive and the only person that should have any say in my relationship and marriage is me. 

    Post # 116
    Member
    80 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: January 2016

    My dad passed away 5 years ago so my Fiance asked the most important man in my life, my brother. And my brother gave him his blessing. 

    Post # 117
    Member
    525 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I think what matters is not whether the tradition is outdated, but whether it is important to YOU. As you’ve seen, many Bees will fall on either side of the issue. I think the man you are going to marry should be aware of and respect any custom that he knows is meaningful for you, your family, and the two of you as a couple. (FWIW my Darling Husband did seek my mother’s blessing (my Dad had passed away) because he knew it mattered to me, but I’m traditional like that – though I certainly appreciate the reasons why plenty of women find it repugnant). 

    Post # 118
    Member
    148 posts
    Blushing bee

    I think every male relative of mine offered their blessing to my Fiance without him even asking. Lol

    Post # 119
    Member
    581 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: Rocky Mountains-May 2017

    MrsA44:  I personally wasn’t a fan of it because I don’t feel like I should need permission and I’d wanna be the one to tell everyone about the engagement and have no one know just yet. 

    He’s gonna (or already has idk) ask because my parents are traditional in the mst selective way. It’s more of a respect thing since I’m the only daughter and we and my dad are close. I think it’s kinda sweet

    Post # 120
    Member
    7199 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    MrsA44:  I told my Fiance that he had to ask my dad for his blessing before he proposed. It’s a stupid, outdated tradition and completely unneeded because we knew my dad LOOOOOVES my Fiance and would be nothing but overjoyed we were getting married, but my dad’s an old fashion guy. My only sibling is my little sister who got knocked up and her boyfriend didn’t even come with her to tell us or anything. So basically my wedding is the only chance for him to do all the traditional dad things. <br /><br />So my Fiance sucked it up and called him. Fiance was deathly ill but wanted to propose over Thanksgiving, so he didn’t have time to go see him in person. I found out later from my sister that dad was disappointed it was over the phone, but he was still really excited about being asked and so very proud of himself for keeping the secret for the couple days before Fiance proposed. It was super cute. 

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